I decided to spend Sunday night out in the rural wilds of Aberdeenshire seeing my parents, who I've not actually seen since November 2008. If you think that sounds terrible, I suggest you read this which was the blog entry about that trip, and that'll give you some idea as to why it's been so long since I've been up that way. Still, glorious new decade and all that stuff, I thought maybe I would go visit them. I'd actually wanted to do it at New Year but thought I'd wait until the large quantities of snow disappeared first. I also asked GroupieGirl if she'd like to come over, mainly because I thought the whole thing would be more bearable if I had a sidekick with me...
If you have read that entry from 2008, well... to be honest, there's not much point in writing this one, because it was pretty much a carbon copy of what went on then. They were pleased enough to see me in the evening, but in the morning all the old tensions and arguments came right back to the surface. The character assassinations on me carried on for pretty much the whole stay. And when my mum started talking about GroupieGirl literally behind her back, I just lost it. "Shut up" I hissed "or I won't come back..."
And I mean it. Right now I'm thinking if I never saw these people again I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I posted to Twitter "the idea of faking my own death and going to live on a narrowboat somewhere seems so appealing at the moment". I probably won't do this, as I'm rather enjoying living in my little house now it's less cluttered with stuff I don't need. (Just the house, mind you. The area I live in is still a hell-hole, but once you're inside, just keep the curtains closed and it's no longer a problem, yeah?)
I feel a whole lot happier away from them, frankly. I had hoped that I'd see them more often in 2010 - my parents are both in their late 70s now, and there's a whole new generation of Camdens growing up who know little or nothing about their alien uncle - but I have to ask, what is the bloody point of going out there if I'm going to come home feeling like this?
You know what? The hell with them. I'll just be me. I shall live my own life, doing the things I enjoy, and if I feel like it - IF I feel like it - perhaps I'll send these people the odd text message or two about it. They may have created me, but that was thirty-odd years ago. I don't owe them a thing now.
gary moore
the loner
wild frontier 1987
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1 comments:
Hey, I understand. My parents moved to FL in 1997, and I have only been to visit them four times (most recently because it was my sister's wedding and I had to). This last time, I did bring my BF for moral support and he was wonderful. However, it was still heart-breaking and soul-crushing to be around them and I couldn't wait to leave. My niece there is 7 yrs old, and I figure I won't have to go down to FL (a miserable place on it's own - don't believe the hype), until she graduates from high school. So ten years - a decade from now - I will return. I don't think my mom will last that long (she is on a track to kill herself either by drinking or by not eating), but I just can't bear to see them again any time soon. I love them (I can't help it), but I don't like them or the way they make me feel. They are unhappy people, and I feel sorry for them.
Just do what you have to do to stay sane and happy.
Chin up.
Serena (Harpo42)
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