When You're Served Lemons...

OK. So I'm still feeling a bit black and nihilistic about it all, but I am managing to deal with my demons again. Maybe it's the fact my back doesn't seem to hurt as much as it has been, or maybe it was the fact work was quite easy today (although very cold - the heating's not working properly and I had to wear my happy hat indoors throughout) Or maybe I just thought getting mad, or sad, about my circumstances in life won't get me anywhere. And moaning about it in this blog isn't going to help either. Actions, however, will do. So I turned off Twitter and my iPhone and spent Sunday getting some things sorted out. Followed by a nice, long rest. And tonight, I'm doing the same thing, and my house is a little tidier than it was as well. Channelling my anger into constructive things certainly works :) let's hope I can continue like this!

I had to walk home today as I forgot to take my travelcard with me - but actually it wasn't that bad as I discovered a little park on the way home I'd never been in before, and it was actually a pleasurable little walk. On the way home I started thinking of this track from my teenage years. I loved it then, and haven't heard it for ages, so first task when I got home today was to hit up Spotify to listen to it, and then hope I could find a linkable video of it on YouTube so I could put it here.

If anyone needs me, I'll be making lemonade. Perhaps for real!

BANGLES - IF SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WANTS
(from the album "Different Light", 1986)

I Am Zaphod, Hear Me Roar

Those who know me well will tell you I very rarely get angry. I'm quite a chilled out, laid back person. Which means when I do get angry it's a really serious business. At the moment it feels like I have the male equivalent of PMS and woe betide anyone who crosses me right now. I am a ball of negative emotions, anger, frustration and sadness predominating.

My lower back hurts like hell. I'm OK when sitting, standing or lying down, but changing from one of those things to another is an interesting (not to say unpleasant) experience. It's taking me five minutes to put my socks on in the morning - just as well I don't have to wear tights. There's also a stabbing pain in my right leg which is probably related to the back pain. I'm actually considering calling the sad, pitiful excuse for a doctor's surgery I'm registered with, that's how bad the pain is. From experience, calling for an appointment on Monday will probably get me one the Thursday after next... Work doesn't help. I can't take time off sick because if I do that, I'll trigger a disciplinary interview for taking too much time off, and the mental scars that would cause are a thousand time worse than any physical pain that can be inflicted on me. So I must soldier on.

Bloody hell, I'm in a right state. I'm in a job surrounded by mentally deficient no-hopers managed - if that's the right word - by people who have no freaking clue, and have to put up with all manner of crap from both the general public and the people within the organization. Living in a one-horse town with no opportunities surrounded by lowlife tracksuit-wearing scumbags with the IQ of a sanitary towel and about a thousandth of the usefulness. And my house is a bloody mess right now, which I can't do much about because I'm sleeping twelve hours a day. I can't leave, because there's no jobs available (as GroupieGirl will tell you). I can't move elsewhere, because I basically can't afford to. There is no way out. I have to stay and face it. Assuming I can.

We're on the threshold of a glorious new decade and I am not starting 2010 in this state. I'd sooner not start it at all. So I've got thirty three days to decide what to do about it.

METALLICA - ONE
(from the album "...And Justice For All", 1988)

Black Is Black, They've Brought My Crockery Back

Well, the alien amongst you is feeling a lot happier about life than I did when I was typing the last entry. This can be put down to a combination of work lightening up a bit (just a bit, though), spending some time searching through vintage episodes of Top Of The Pops (about which more later, perhaps) and some quality time with GroupieGirl...

Actually, the two of us spent a great time yesterday afternoon when the Euromarket came to town once again. It comes round three times every year, and while it's not often we actually buy anything from it as we've seen most of the stalls before, every now and again there's a newcomer which grabs my interest. So it was this time with a stall selling flavoured coffee beans - almost every flavour you could think of, although they had no vanilla, which won't please certain readers of this blog :) I bought two 100 gram packets, chocolate/cherry and cinnamon - something for both me and Groupie in that selection, and they ground them for me then and there. Given I still have a "flavoured coffee party pack" from Whittard's to get through, my cafetiere's going to get a lot of use over the next few weeks!

I also found the most lovely suede leather jacket that afternoon, a lovely chocolate colour which I picked up for half price! I'd been meaning to replace my leather jacket for a while, I've had it for years and it's showing real signs of wear (the pockets are wrecked to hell, for example) so it's about time I got a new one. I'm going to keep it in my wardrobe until January 1, 2010 - why not? A new look for the new decade, and in any case I'll need to get that special spray to waterproof and protect the suede before I chance it to a northern Scotland winter.

Better yet, I called my mum that night and she offered to write me a cheque for the jacket, effectively buying it for my Christmas and solving one of her gift problems. Thanks mum!

However, the most exciting new purchase I've made over the last few days is something I've been wanting since some time around the millennium...here's the story behind it...

Back in 1991, when I was 18 and living with my then girlfriend in a tacky bedsit, Pizza Hut started offering a "family feast" evening every Tuesday. They do buffets every afternoon nowadays of course, but this was something quite new back then. Waitresses would walk around the restaurant with enormous pizzas and you'd just flag them down and ask for a slice if you liked the look of it. We worked out that we'd need to eat 4 slices or more to get our money's worth, so we'd not eat the entire day and then hit the hut about 20.00 to get stuffed. I think I managed double figures a couple of times :) We both were big fans of Pizza Hut back then anyway - I remember being there on my 18th birthday when she gave me a silver signet ring.

Anyway, the important point about this story is that in those days Pizza Hut used lovely black crockery in the restaurants - beautiful black plates and bowls. Years later, when Groupie had come on the scene and I was telling her the story of my life so far, I found myself talking about those days and thinking "mmm, I liked those black plates. I wouldn't mind getting some of those" And so began the quest which lasted pretty much an entire decade!

It wasn't as easy as I thought. You could get crockery in any colour you liked - as long as it wasn't black it seemed. At least in "standard" shops. No doubt if I wanted to throw a lot of money at the problem I could have got some, but in the high street of my town, they weren't available. Eventually I got a couple of "square" black plates, which were OK I guess, but they weren't the black plates. They'd have to do though, I decided.

Until Groupie, on a shopping trip of her own, discovered a shop which actually sold black plates. Decent quality round black plates, looking just like the black plates of old. We knew what we had to do, and I got her to grab 4 large plates, 4 small plates and 2 bowls for me, which she did over the next couple of days (it's amazing how heavy crockery can be). Just as well we acted when we did, because the two bowls were the last ones and they've not been restocked.

And so, wrapped in newspaper and sitting in a drawer, are my new black plates. A decade's search is over. I've decided to continue using my current orange crockery set until December 31, and then as the fireworks go off over the London Eye, I'll officially start using the new ones. It may not seem much, but I'm really made up about finally getting my hands on them, at last!!

LOS BRAVOS - BLACK IS BLACK
(from the album "Black Is Black", 1966)

Approaching The Whisky And Revolver Stage

Ow. I'm not sure what I've done to my back, but it hurts. Has been for a while actually. And now it's spreading to my legs. I'm sitting on the sofa in my Cyberdog PJs trying not to move very much. It's taking me about five minutes to put my socks on in the morning, which isn't natural, is it?

And the inside of me isn't much better. I thought I'd go shopping yesterday, maybe spend all afternoon out there looking around the new centre. I had to go and renew my travelcard anyway, so why not? Well, I ended up coming home again after a cursory glance around. My heart just wasn't in it, people were looking at me in a funny way, and I felt like I didn't belong in this society. If that makes sense.

Anyway, I've not posted anything to twitter in over 24 hours (which, as my long-time followers will tell you, is practically unheard of) and that's because I don't really have anything to say. Or maybe I'm just too tired to say it. I've had the phone switched off as well, just turning it on occasionally to send and receive the odd text with GroupieGirl.

Not a happy alien at present.

POLICE - KING OF PAIN
(from the album "Synchronicity", 1983)

In Sickness And In Death

I was sleeping and hearing the bassline to ELO's "Last Train To London" in my dreams (no idea why) when my iPhone text message alert awakened me. "Probably GroupieGirl" I thought. But it wasn't, it was Dad, telling me that a relative of mine had died. Specifically, my brother-in-law's mum. She'd had a stroke on Thursday night, and died today. She was in her eighties, so had had a fair crack of the whip, I suppose.

My dad had a stroke, twelve years ago now - he was lucky. He's never quite been the man he was, but his razor-sharp wit is still there, and he gets about OK with the use of his stick. I remember when I called the hospital on that fateful day in 1997 (Groupie's birthday, no less) that the nurse told me the first three days are the key to how a stroke victim will recover. Dad was lucky. She wasn't. Or maybe she was, because I've seen how it goes when a stroke victim doesn't "come back". One of Dad's workmates was left brain damaged in a wheelchair and could barely speak after his stroke. Not the way you want to see your loved ones.

I've not seen my brother-in-law's mum for a while. Guess I never will now. My parents were continually trying to call me on Sunday, but I was not in the mood to talk to anyone that day (too tired). Now I know why - they were probably up at the hospital, which is only about 2 km away from my house.

I've sent my sister a SMS of condolence, which sounds bloody harsh but to be honest I'm never sure what to say in these circumstances. Not often I'm lost for words, but I am tonight.

I haven't decided whether to beg my boss for time off for the funeral or not. In one way, I'd like to say goodbye to her properly. In another, I'm not a huge fan of funerals. Well, you're not supposed to be are you? But that's not what I mean. It just all seems a bit false and contrived - the minister saying the usual platitudes up in the pulpit, you sing a hymn or two and then trek out to the cemetery. Or possibly the crematorium, I'm not sure what they'll do with her. It's funny, I can watch scenes from films like Hostel and Saw repeatedly, but real funerals are a different matter.

As far as the living goes, fifteen per cent of the workforce at my Nazi death camp of a job are now off sick, and I've heard the words "swine flu" mentioned. Not sure whether it's in jest or in all seriousness, but the words have been mentioned. One of the guys is on Twitter and he's not having a happy time of it going by his updates. Suddenly all those jokes about pig flu are a little less funny.

I was exhausted all day Sunday, and feeling a little lightheaded all day today. I hope I don't go down with anything. With luck, the usual hassling people to get back to work won't be used this time. There's a lot of hyperbole talked about the disease, but those two words do strike fear into people - witness the notices on doctor's surgeries and pharmacies saying "if you think you have swine flu DO NOT ENTER THIS BUILDING". A little mini-epidemic may shake up the management a bit, which is a good thing in my opinion. Particularly in one case, but don't get me started on him.

Rest in peace B.

JOHNNY CASH - THE MAN COMES AROUND
(from the album "American IV: The Man Comes Around", 2002)

The Eleventh Of The Eleventh Of The Eleventh

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.

Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted; 

They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old.

Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. 

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them.

For the first time on Armistice Day, there is no one left to grow old, in this country at least. The final World War One veteran living in Britain died earlier this year, and you can count those remaining from that war worldwide on the fingers of one hand. The Great War has officially passed into history.

It was billed as "the war to end all wars". Of course, it wasn't. In the event, it wasn't even the World War to end all World Wars. 21 years later we took the field again for a replay, resulting in seven more years of sacrifice of young lives. We can be thankful Khruschev and Kennedy stepped back from the brink in 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis - had they decided to make it a trilogy, the third instalment really would have lived up to the billing.

I've been to the Cenotaph in London during November, and it's quite a sight with all the wreaths lain. I've also been to the equivalent in Berlin, which is a simple place. It is both the tomb of an unknown German soldier and an unknown concentration camp victim. It reminded me that you need two armies to make a war, and both sides suffer the casualties. And it doesn't matter which side of a war you're on, the hurt and suffering to the families of the young men - and these days, young women - who do not return from the front is the same. Whether it's 1918 or 2009, and whatever flag the coffin is draped with.

Surely - surely - there has to be a better way.

DONOVAN - UNIVERSAL SOLDIER
(from the album "Universal Soldier", 1967)


He's five feet two, and he's six feet-four,
He fights with missiles and with spears.
He's all of thirty-one, and he's only seventeen,
Been a soldier for a thousand years.

He'a a Catholic, a Hindu, an Atheist, a Jain,
A Buddhist and a Baptist and a Jew.
And he knows he shouldn't kill, and he knows he always will,
Kill you for me my friend and me for you.

And he's fighting for Canada, he's fighting for France,
He's fighting for the USA,
And he's fighting for the Russians, and he's fighting for Japan,
And he thinks we'll put an end to war this way.

And he's fighting for democracy, he's fighting for the Reds,
He says it's for the peace of all.
He's the one who must decide who's to live and who's to die,
And he never sees the writing on the wall.

But without him,
How would Hitler have condemned him at Dachau?
Without him Caesar would have stood alone,
He's the one who gives his body as a weapon of the war,
And without him all this killing can't go on.

He's the Universal Soldier and he really is to blame,
His orders come from far away no more,
They come from here and there, and you and me,
And brothers can't you see,
This is not the way we put the end to war.

Alien Amongst You In London 4 - It's Just A Jump To The Left...

When I was a child, there was a programme on BBC TV called "The Record Breakers" hosted by the legendary Roy Castle. It was all about world records - any kind of record - and occasionally they would attempt to set new world records in the studio. I used to love watching the show, and still can remember Roy's song at the end of each episode, reminding us that if you want to be a record breaker, "dedication's what you need". I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be involved in breaking a world record myself, but on October 31, 2009 - Hallowe'en - GroupieGirl and I were up early and catching a train to Brighton to attempt just that.

We were heading to the south coast seaside town to take part in a mass "time warp" dance from the Rocky Horror Show and hopefully break the record for the most people doing it at one time. Melbourne, Australia were the current holders with a little over a thousand, and Groupie and I were determined to do our best to help capture the record for Britain.

Down at Brighton beach it was fairly easy to spot where we had to go - I remarked on Twitter at the time that I'd never seen so many people in lingerie and fishnets in public, and that was just the men! Although we didn't dress up, we did both buy the souvenir T-shirt so we had something suitable to dance in. Once we'd been registered and had our official timewarp wristbands we started rehearsing the steps in earnest. Every now and again the music would play and we'd be shown the steps we had to do, and we kept doing it till we got it as good as we could.

At 12.00, no less than Richard O'Brien himself came out on stage along with the cast of the Rocky Horror show currently playing in Brighton, and it was time for everyone there to strut their stuff for real!! A special version of the song lasting precisely five minutes was used for the attempt, and we had to keep moving all through the track (not just the "time-warp" parts) for the record to be valid. Also, we had to do it twice, just to make sure. We were a little unsure about our steps in the rehearsal, but we were both confident it would be "alright on the night" and that proved to be the case. The energy rush was incredible, especially since we knew there were TV cameras there filming the event (if you're in the the UK, it'll be shown on Paul O'Grady's show on Channel 4 in the near future) plus a huge crowd of onlookers.

Once we'd completed the second attempt, it was announced that the record was officially ours!! Groupie and I hugged each other tight and sang Roy Castle's song together. We had done it! The final count was 1,635 time-warpers - absolutely smashing the previous record. We went for some celebratory fish and chips on Brighton Pier, wearing our pink t-shirts with pride. I'm keeping that shirt till the day I die - they may even have to bury me in it!!

Talking of which, there was a parade of the undead all through the streets of Brighton that afternoon. If we'd heard about it sooner, we'd have got made up and joined them, but as it is we found ourselves in amongst them in the town centre as the sheer number of zombies stopped traffic and made movement all but impossible for a while. Where's Shaun Of The Dead when you need him?

On the way back we stopped off for a quick drink with an online friend and fellow blogger, who I've known "digitally" for a year or so but had never met until that night. I had hoped she'd accompany us to Brighton but sadly her diary was full as she was moving house. She also was going to a Hallowe'en party that evening, but found time to meet up with us at a pub for a while. It's weird meeting someone online "in the flesh" for the first time, but it went really well in the event (she and GroupieGirl looked like they really hit it off) and hopefully we'll meet again sometime, somewhere. Good luck in your new home, vanilla chick x

A Hallowe'en to remember, I think. So far we had been surprised how warm it was for October, and had packed jumpers that remained in our suitcases all week!! But November 1 brought cooler temperatures, and rain - although only in the morning, in the event. We waited it out in the hotel's internet cafe scouring the web for news of our record attempt... attention-seekers? Us? Never! :)

Sunday afternoon found us at Warwick Avenue tube station (and seeing a girl not unlike Duffy waiting there...) to go on a walking tour around the Little Venice area of London. The rain early on probably put a lot of people off going, as there were only two other couples on the walk with our tour guide, who was a former actor - and had played, amongst other roles, Frank-N-Furter in the Rocky Horror Show. Everything is related, isn't it?

Little Venice (and neighbouring Maida Vale) is a really classy area - a lot of very expensive houses lived in by a lot of celebrities, past and present. One of my heroes, Alan Turing, was born there, and past and present residents include David Gilmour of Pink Floyd, Annie Lennox, Joan Collins, Bjork, the late actors Arthur Lowe and John Inman, King Edward VII's "groupie" Lillie Langtry, and Richard Branson, who started his Virgin empire on a houseboat on the canal (which is still there, and used by his son) It was weird to see social housing flats right in the middle of all this, but our tour guide explained that after World War II, some of the mansions were purchased by the council to alleviate the housing shortage caused by the Blitz. I bet the tenants there have a lot of celeb-spotting tales to tell!!

Our trip was almost at an end, but there was one treat left - another trip to the cinema to see the latest instalment of one of the greatest horror franchises ever - Saw VI. No spoilers - but let's just say there's still some loose ends from the Jigsaw story to tie up in this picture. Richly enjoyed the film, as always. Groupie said she was holding out for a Saw VII next year - to be honest, I think we've taken the story as far as it can go - but then I've been wrong five times before, so what do I know? And it appears she is right - there will be a seventh instalment, in 3D, next October...

This was almost certainly the last trip I'll make to London (or anywhere) this side of the new decade. My first experience of London was in 2000 - I fell in love with the place immediately and that love has grown stronger as the decade went on. Hopefully there'll be many more visits to the place in the next ten years, and many more fun experiences - though I doubt this week can be topped!

If you've read all four of my rather lengthy entries about the trip, thank you - I did warn you there'd be a lot of text! Normal service will resume with the next entry (unfortunately) but let's finish this off with footage from one amazing morning in Brighton...

Alien Amongst You In London 3 - Cyberdog Is An Alien's Best Friend

We've reached the Thursday (October 29) in my London trip diary, which was the day when Zaphod Camden went to his namesake area of the city for a good time there. GroupieGirl absolutely LOVES Camden Town, she enjoys looking at the little goth shops to see what's available. I obviously love it too, it's a great part of town and we both feel we belong there. Write me a cheque for the deposit on a flat in the area, and the north of Scotland would probably never see me again...

And one of the places I absolutely have to visit when in Camden Town is Cyberdog, for the experience if nothing else. They've usually got dancers high up in cages at the entrance to the shop, and are always pumping out loud bippy tracks for them to dance to.

The clothes sold here are literally light-years ahead of anything you'd see on the streets where I live - T-shirts with LED displays that react to music, for example. Usually with price tags to match, sadly, but sometimes there are some great bargains to be had in their sales. I have a couple of their hats to keep me warm in winter (one of which has a luminous "radioactive" logo on it) We weren't so lucky this time - no sales on - but I did pick up a pair of bright yellow pyjama bottoms with various alien-like logos on them, along with a Space Invaders ice-tray. Both of us got some glow in the dark temporary alien tattoos, for the next time we go to a place where such things can be appreciated...

I also had to visit the Apple store in Regent Street, just to see if anything was happening there later in the week (they sometimes have bands or celebrities performing there in the evening, although not this week) Those who know me well know where I stand in the old "Mac vs PC" argument - a Cupertino boy all the way!! - and by sheer bad luck, I was missing the launch of the Apple store in my own town, which was taking place today. Typical! Probably my only chance to get one of the fabled freebie t-shirts they hand out to the first 1,000 people through the door!

Thursday evening saw us taking in a show at a little theatre in Leicester Square. "Marilyn - Forever Blonde" was a one-woman show telling the story of the life and times of Marilyn Monroe, one of my icons. I was quite enraptured by her as a teenager - I remember the 1988 calendar I had on my wall, and the enormous poster of her in a swimsuit over my bed, not to mention the Marilyn clock which I still have 20 years on (and it still works!)

The interesting part of the play was that everything you heard the actress Sunny Thompson say were Marilyn's own words, from things like her diaries and so on, punctuated with songs from her movies and recordings from people in her life, such as her boyfriends and husbands. Sunny was an absolute dead ringer for Marilyn, and played her very well. You couldn't help but feel sorry for Marilyn Monroe...all she really wanted in life was to be loved, and I don't think she ever was, not really.

We had booked the cheap seats, at the side of the auditorium, and just before the show began I was musing over how strange it was that literally about half a metre away from where I was sitting was a seat which cost over double the price I paid with ostensibly the same view. That's when the tour manager came up to us and said "I've got a special deal for you - I'm gonna upgrade you both to better seats over there in the middle of the theatre" Result! This trip was fast becoming a blagger's paradise! (The house was about half-full, so he probably didn't want the actress playing to an empty front row)

The following day saw us roaming the streets of Hackney looking for a little studio with an exhibition we'd found in Time Out magazine (always the first thing I get hold of when in London) Anyone of my generation or the one before me will remember the name Hammer Films - some of the finest horror films made in Britain with stars like Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Vincent Price, Ingrid Pitt...the list goes on. This exhibition contained stills and film posters from those classic movies, and was very well put together. It seems that a new generation will be introduced to the Hammer Horror in 2010 - they're making films again and I'll look forward to seeing the first one when it comes out.

Friday evening was an interesting one. It's not every day you get the chance to dine with Death, is it? We were on the steps of the Victoria & Albert museum awaiting his arrival, and he duly drove up (in a coffin, inside a horse-drawn hearse) along with a dozen or so of his friends (and Mrs. Death, by the looks of things) They then proceeded along the hallways for a while before sitting down at a table and having something to eat while a singer performed laments in the background. Apparently this performance is put on every other year, so if you're in London in late October 2011 you may get the chance to see this for yourself. This was hugely popular and part of an evening of Hallowe'en themed events the V&A were holding. All of it was free, which means a lot of things we wanted to do were booked out (those tickets must have flew out the door) but an interesting diversion nonetheless.

I'm going to end this (rather lengthy) bit with a song I heard a busker play at Canary Wharf station on our way back to the hotel late at night. Busking's been legal on the London Underground for a few years now, they even hold auditions for the pitches, it's that popular! You can hear various musical genres represented if you travel around the system a lot, but rock doesn't show up as much as I'd like - which made the appearance of this guy all the more welcome. He did the most sensational cover of this, one of my favourite songs - and it felt just wonderful to be making my way "home" late at night with this as a soundtrack.

coming next - a little Brighton rock and a new world record...

GARY MOORE - STILL GOT THE BLUES
(from the album "Still Got The Blues", 1990)

Alien Amongst You In London 2- Swinging In Carnaby Street

There's nothing like spending a Tuesday morning in a lovely dressing gown & slippers, lounging around drinking coffee in a plush London hotel, and that's how October 27 dawned for me and GroupieGirl. A really nice relaxing start to our second day in London, and we stayed there until checkout time. "Thanks for coming to help me with my bags" Groupie said rather pointedly to me at reception - because, of course, I wasn't meant to be there :)

Anyway, later in the afternoon (after a spot of ten-pin bowling) we were back at our base for the week in Greenwich. I was ironing my dark suit while she was straightening her hair and looking out her Chinese dress, because we were off to a party. And not just any party. This was an invite-only event for people in the media and assorted celebrities off Carnaby Street in W1, launching a new drink in the UK, Vitaminwater.

How the hell did we manage to blag our way into this? Well, as long-time readers know, GroupieGirl has contacts with the band Right Said Fred, she's knitted dolls for them which showed up on their website and on an album cover. They were going to provide the music for this bash, and when they found out we'd be in London, they managed to get us both on the guest list!!

So it was that we found ourselves in a small room rubbing shoulders with the likes of ex-Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq, famous drag-queen/DJ Jodie Harsh, and former Spice Girl Mel B, who was compere for the event. Plenty of free drink was available (cocktails made with, of course, Vitaminwater) and there were a few photographers about (I heard Closer magazine being mentioned, for one thing). And still Groupie managed to make her way right up to the front, and even got up on stage with Mel B at one point!! The boys were pleased to see her, although Fred Fairbrass was feeling a bit under the weather that night, so they didn't stay long.

Being a celeb for the night was interesting, to say the least... and when we found footage of the event on YouTube and in people's blogs (and a picture of two of Groupie clutching her knitted dolls)... well... By the way, having had a few bottles of the stuff, Vitaminwater's quite nice - feel free to get in touch if you're holding any more red-carpet parties :)

Carnaby Street of course was a famous landmark of "Swinging London" in the 1960s - perhaps the time and place in history I'd most like to visit - and this tied in nicely to what we were doing on Wednesday afternoon. The National Portrait Gallery were holding an exhibition of 1960s photographs from the pop and rock world, everyone from Cliff Richard to Jimi Hendrix. Although we had to pay to get in, it was well worth the money - we took ages going round all the exhibits, which included not just the photos but album covers, magazine clippings and other stuff from the decade. To add to the atmosphere a selection of 60s hits were being played in the background, and as you can imagine I was having a great time. I also picked up a little booklet showing where many of the photos were taken, along with other landmarks of Swinging London like nightclubs etc. some of which still exist.

There was also a free exhibit of photos of the 60s icon Twiggy which we browsed through, and I have to say she's improved with age, looking a lot more glamourous now she's hit her sixties herself.

It's possible to have a lot of fun in central London for surprisingly little cash if you're flexible and know where to look. I've already mentioned ten pin bowling, and we also saw the film "Triangle" on Wednesday morning (which really, really will mess with your head...) In both cases going there midweek, early in the day, got us pretty good discounts on the full price. We had a nice romantic walk along the South Bank area (near the London Eye) late one night as well - great company and lovely views of the city which cost us nothing at all. And for Wednesday night, we found ourselves at a club in High Holborn enjoying a night of cheap stand-up comedy. You can't argue with seeing 11 comedians doing a routine for the price of a pint of beer!! OK, some weren't up to much, but most of them were OK - and a couple of them had me in absolute stitches!!

But the most unexpected free entertainment had to be the drunk French guy on the DLR train home to Greenwich - who supported the Scottish football club Dundee FC, and knew all the songs to prove it! He did a fantastic magic trick with cards for us and the other riders, and it takes a lot to perform a magic trick flawlessly when drunk...

coming next - sex, death and shopping...

THE ROLLING STONES - LET'S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER
(from the album "Between The Buttons", 1967)

Alien Amongst You In London 1 - Photographic Memories

Well...I am back after spending a fantastic week in London with GroupieGirl. I'm still in recovery from it to be honest!! Those of you who follow my Twitter stream will of course know all about what we got up to down there, but for the rest of you, well, I'll tell all here over the next few days. Yes, we did that much...so I'll make several entries over the next few days so I can do the trip justice without having you all read pages and pages of text in one go.

So, let's start at the beginning - Sunday, October 25, when we took the train down to London. It's a fair old distance and was even longer this time around as we had to go via Glasgow and Manchester, due to engineering works on the east coast track. Thank heavens for the iPhone I say, which kept us both rockin' with some of our favourite songs all the way south. As we didn't get going till about 11.30, it was late evening when we arrived in good ol' LDN and booked ourselves into our hotel, which was in the Greenwich area of the city (SE10). The hotel seemed very quiet...and it wasn't till we awoke the next morning that we realized why! We were overlooking a graveyard - which given it was Hallowe'en week, was a really nice touch :)

Anyway, Monday morning dawned bright and clear and we were off early to our first event of the trip. Groupie had won one of those "activity days" in a competition - you know the sort of thing, there's one where you can be a rally driver for the day, or go up in a hot-air balloon. This particular one was for a professional photoshoot at a studio in London, and included in the deal would be five photographs. She's a tomboy at heart, so this wouldn't normally be the sort of thing she would go for, but as she said "when do you ever get the chance to experience this?"

We arrived at the studio and Groupie was made to feel like the centre of attention for several hours. First off, she was taken downstairs to the make-up room to prepare for her shoot. I was allowed to go down as well and sat myself in a chair near the door observing it all. The place looked like one of those upmarket hairdressing salons, and there were several ladies getting the makeover treatment while I kicked back listening to the soundtrack (a bit too much R&B for my liking, but there was a fair bit of 80s stuff getting played as well)

Once she'd been made even more beautiful than usual, it was time for her to go upstairs and be photographed. She'd been told to take a few outfits to change into, which she had in her rucksack - including her Chinese dress, and the famous T-shirt with "GROUPIE" written on it :) They didn't forget me, though - I spent the next hour and a bit in reception reading the papers and enjoying the free coffee and sandwiches laid on.

After the shoot it was time for us to go into the little screening room and see the results on a large plasma TV screen. They took over 40 photos of her, all of which were really good, and it was a bit of a wrench to choose just five. We could of course have got the credit card out and paid for some more - they did give us the opportunity a couple of times, but Groupie was very firm and said she only wanted the free five, and to the studio's credit, they accepted this with no hard sell tactics at all. They'll send her the photos in a few weeks, and they'll be massive - A4 size and larger.

But the competition prize had more to it than that. She'd also won a night at a classy hotel near the studio. And what's more, it was on the top floor, with a terrace looking out onto the skyline of central London! Really nice, and we spent a while there drinking coffee & hot chocolate feeling quite the celebrities.

Unfortunately, the hotel room was only booked in her name - meaning I'd have to sleep in our Greenwich base as usual tonight. Still, that wasn't a problem - until she realized that all she had with her at the hotel was the rucksack containing her outfits. Her toiletries bag and the other little things a lady needs for an overnight stay were back in SE10. "No worries", I said, "we'll just head back there later tonight and pick them up. Let's go to Piccadilly Circus, have some fun there, maybe something to eat on the way, then we'll get your stuff and I'll drop you off at your place :)"

I love getting around London on the underground - the "tube" - and usually it's a smooth and pleasurable experience...well, I think so anyway!. However, tonight, of all nights, someone had thrown themselves under a train and the whole Piccadilly line was experiencing serious delays. And I must have made the transition from tourist to Londoner-at-heart, because my thoughts were "how dare they clog up the bloody transport system? If you want to do yourself in, why not throw yourself off a bridge into the Thames and allow people who have places to be to get there on time?"

Anyway, what with that and the distance from central London to Greenwich and back, I was feeling a bit tired by this time, and so I said to Groupie "listen, why don't I just crash at your place tonight eh?" She smiled and said "you know, I was hoping you'd say that..."

And that's how I ended up sneaking into a top London hotel to spend the night with a photographic model :)

coming next - on the guest list at a celebrity bash in Carnaby Street...

KRAFTWERK - THE MODEL
(from the album "The Man Machine", 1978)