Incommunicado

So, on this last day of February, I switched my iPhone off. I also logged out of Twitter and turned off my email. Basically because I don't want to post any more updates similar to
the last one I posted on Friday night. I know Groupie's been trying to contact me - probably all day - but I don't feel like talking to her right now. Oh, I could talk all night - but I rather doubt any of it would make sense to anyone. I'm not sure it even makes sense to me. Perhaps I've finally gone over the edge - and who wants to talk to someone like that?

I found today I got on a lot better by simply not talking or even thinking about anything. Just went into work, did my job, walked home because I didn't want to face public transport, and spent most of the rest of the day lying on my bed resting up. I haven't even felt like eating much - a bowl of cereal this morning, some peanut butter sandwiches & crisps, and about a litre of Drench - that's about it.

I did spend a little time in the city core though, looking around for a t-shirt to buy as a gift for someone (long story, and I'm not going to go into it here - not that it matters because I couldn't find what I was looking for anyway) And it was there that I saw a goth-type girl with her boyfriend. He had a chain around his neck and she was holding said chain tight in her hand as she led him into the shop. And it made me smile, because it's not often you see something like that up here - something "different" and "edgy", and I welcome it.

As well as this, I saw the first bee of spring this morning, a large one slowly buzzing about - presumably a young queen who woke up from her hibernation, perhaps this morning. Later on, I saw a butterfly for the first time in 2009 as well.

And those two points are really why I'm bothering to blog today. I wasn't going to bother - not in the mood I'm in, but I felt they were worth mentioning. Plus, it rounds off the month of February pretty well. If "pretty well" are the right words to use in this case.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go back to bed. Goodnight.

GEORGE MICHAEL - PRAYING FOR TIME
(from the album "Listen Without Prejudice Vol.1", 1990)

Fade To Blue

As an advertising campaign from about two decades ago used to say, today was not a Dry Blackthorn day. Far from it in fact. And I apologize in advance if this entry makes no sense...my mind is all over the place.

I've been feeling really tired all week, and I'm really not having a happy time of it. Last night I was just lying there, not being able to get to sleep...and wondering whether or not I'd make it into work this morning, I felt physically and mentally exhausted. I did make it in but I was clearly not in my best state. I didn't feel like talking to anyone...so I didn't. I can sense that the cold sore virus is just waiting for it's chance to come back and take me off the kissing list for a fortnight again - and on the way home this afternoon I felt a tingling in my right hand, like I'd been sleeping on it.

I just feel like I'm run down, without even knowing why. At least I'm not bleeding from my nose anymore, that we can be thankful for. And I'm mentally tired as well - I just can't seem to concentrate on things right now, I find myself just wanting to sit there, or lie there, and stare into space. And I can't seek solace in the arms of Groupie, not this time - for reasons which I'm too tired to go into here.

There's some things - some very important things - which I have to think about. I spent a lot of time last night turning them over in my mind. I'm coming to realize how certain things are, and how they must be. And right now, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to face up to these things. It's easier at the moment to just hide away in my bedroom and not think about them. That's why I sent the following update to Twitter this morning: "Feeling really fragile today. I'd like to hide in a cupboard and be forgotten about, like an old doll nobody wants to play with anymore"

At one point this morning I was out in the light rain listening to the Manic Street Preachers, and when I heard this track I immediately thought "this is the track I want for the blog post today" It just seems so appropriate right now...which is just as well, perhaps, as clearly I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words right now. Nicky Wire says it so much better anyway.

MANIC STREET PREACHERS - YOU'RE TENDER AND YOU'RE TIRED
(from the album "This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours", 1998)

Keep It Simple, Spaceboy

Today I started the process of de-cluttering my life with a vengeance. I'd gone through my wardrobe and looked for clothes which I never wear, or haven't worn for a long time. There's quite a lot of those, they'd been left in space bags, in some cases for years, and without even trying I managed to fill nine carrier bags worth of old threads. Admittedly I had to choke back the tears as I got rid of things such as an Oasis T-shirt - but realistically, I'd not worn the thing for years...so I can clearly manage without it, yeah?

And so this morning I packed the bags into a couple of holdalls and went down to the recycling centre where I unceremoniously tossed my former favourites into the clothing skip. What happens is the Salvation Army collects the contents of the skip when it's full, and if something's of decent quality it'll be sold in a charity shop. Stuff which is unwearable goes to be turned into industrial tarpaulins and other such stuff. So it's my good deed for the day to society, as well as to myself.

There's some more things in my wardrobe which could really be got rid of, so I'll be paying another visit there on my day off next week as I continue to clear out the clutter in my life. It's quite a big job when you think about it - it almost embarrasses me to say this but my wardrobe was full to overflowing with stuff I just never wore. What was the point of keeping it? Well, you tell me - but keep it I did.

And it's not just clothes in there. I've got about two hundred CDs which I never ever play - because years ago I converted all my CDs to music files in iTunes so I could have them on my iPod, and so if I want to hear music I just go there. Why keep the original CDs then? OK - like all computer data I should back up the tracks in case of a hard drive failure, but I can do that with a few recordable DVDs - no need for two hundred discs gathering dust and taking up space, is there? And if they ever get round to releasing the Amazon Kindle in this country, well, I could do the same thing with my books...

I've read several articles on the internet about how de-cluttering your life can make you calmer and less depressed. Think I need to do just that, get myself sorted out. It'll be easier to tidy up about the place if nothing else. Plus of course, the less stuff I have, the easier it'll be to pack up and move somewhere if I want - and that brings us to another story...

I've already mentioned that I had some wild thoughts about moving to Milton Keynes, and it came up again last night while I was having an online chat with a friend. Well - officially, this is still very much an "if I move" rather than "when I move" - but I've been giving the matter some more thought, and I now find instead of making excuses not to go, I'm making excuses to stay where I am. That doesn't sound like much of a change, but it is - and it's something I'll probably return to in later blog posts once I've thought it over a little more...and made some enquiries...

What else did I do today? Well, I was in the city core with Groupie enjoying coffee and cake and looking for bottles to hold the Skittles flavoured vodka I will be making when I get round to it - and I found some beautiful ones in Lakeland that would do very nicely, thank you!! I've got everything I need now except some plastic bottles to use when I actually marinate the Skittles in the vodka - but I have a six-pack of Drench in the fridge, so that won't be a problem soon :)

Enjoying some red wine now, and feeling sleepy - again...

VAN MORRISON - KEEP IT SIMPLE
(from the album "Keep It Simple", 2008)

Don't Forget The Oystercard

No time for a proper blog post, but I might just sneak this in before midnight so February 25 can have an entry :)

Once again I've been finding myself sitting in the dark listening to rather moody 1980s music - just like I used to do when I was 15.... This particular track suited the mood well, and made me think of happier times in London :) See what you think, and I've posted the lyrics as well, so you can sing along if you like :)

PET SHOP BOYS - KINGS CROSS
(from the album "Actually", 1987)


The man at the back of the queue was sent
To feel the smack of firm government
Linger by the flyposter, for a fight
It's the same story every night
I've been hurt and we've been had
You leave home, and you don't go back

Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee

Only last night I found myself lost
By the station called King's Cross
Dead and wounded on either side
You know it's only a matter of time
I've been good and I've been bad
I've been guilty of hanging around

Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee

So I went looking out today
For the one who got away
Murder walking round the block
Ending up in King's Cross
Good luck, bad luck waiting in a line
It takes more than the matter of time

Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee

Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
And there's still no guarantee
There is still no guarantee.

ZC 4 MK ???

Feeling really happy today - the temperatures are creeping back into double figures, the oystercatchers have returned (something I always look out for) work's been OK - despite worrying headlines about my employers in the news once again - and right now I'm sitting at home listening to really good 1980s tracks and drinking chocomilk. And I'm about to go through my wardrobe and put some clothing I haven't worn for years into bags ready to take to the clothing bank on my day off this week. I know I've been going on about that for ages but tonight I actually mean it!!

While out on the round today I started thinking about all sorts of things - with my iPhone still not totally running 100% I've not been filling my head with music for a change. And something really weird came up - and I'm going to quote it straight - "Once the economy has got back on it's feet, why not leave here and move to Milton Keynes?"

Now, that's a quote you don't often hear! Actually, Milton Keynes isn't nearly as bad as it's painted. I've visited there several times for things like rock concerts and honestly, I love the place! It gets a lot of bad press due to the large amount of roundabouts, and the (in)famous concrete cows - but I think I can safely say I've never seen a city like MK anywhere else, and I reckon even those who hate the place would agree with me there!! Like myself, it's a bit different - and we're both roughly the same age (they started building the city in 1967). And I'm already a fan of their football team (is it too much to dream of a second successive promotion??)

Also, it's close enough to my beloved London to allow me to visit there a lot more often (about 80km, literally just under an hour on the train - and quicker if you pay more for the express service) but it's far enough out to have a cost of living that's affordable, or at least not as sky-high as the capital. And with the planned housebuilding (I'm told there's plans to double the size of MK over the next 20 years) those stats could get more favourable in the near future.

What would I do there? Well, I'm lucky enough to work for a national company, so there is a possibility I could get transferred south - it's a slow process with no guarantee of success, and I'm not exactly optimistic about the company's future - but it is an option. And who knows, I could maybe try and find a houseshare down there for somewhere to live...maybe I'd find it easier to get along with people there, perhaps they'd be more accepting of me than the folks up here.

Of course, this is probably not going to happen. I've got a history of thinking wild things and then never thinking about them again. Plus, to be honest, I'm not sure I could actually go through with something like this. I ran away from home in 1991 (during the last recession, I hasten to add) - and that didn't work out too well. I was lucky that I could move back to my parents' place, and that I was still (just) a teenager - plenty of time to regroup and try something else. Once bitten, twice shy? If I went through with this, there would be no going back this time... ...and truth be told, I like living on my own, with my big screen LCD TV and my Apple Mac and my PS2 and being able to watch BBC Four all night if necessary without having to worry about what other people think. And it seems like a backward step - I've done the flatsharing thing in my late teens and 20s - with mixed results I have to say. Maybe I shared with the wrong people, or maybe I'm just an antisocial bugger at heart. Hope not!!

But then again...well, you're all aware (if you know me at all) what I think about the place I'm living in now - and how I seem to have retreated to the internet because I feel happier there. Is that healthy?? Maybe a move to somewhere that supports me rather than suppresses me, to quote an online friend of mine, would be a good idea - perhaps I'd feel more at home in the land of the concrete cow. And I'm still relatively young - if the recession lasts until early 2011, as people are predicting, I'll only be 37 going on 38 - that's not past it, is it?

Oh - decisions, decisions... something to think about anyway. But not at the moment - I have other, more important things to think about right now. There's some things that need to get sorted in my life up here - before we even think about whether or not I should move someplace else...

ABBA - ANOTHER TOWN, ANOTHER TRAIN
(from the album "Ring Ring", 1973)

Everything But The Sync

I'm having some real problems with my iPhone at the moment. And apparently, according to the internet buzz anyway, I'm not alone, not by a long chalk. The phone itself work perfectly, as do all the apps in it - except for the iPod one, which freezes up for no apparent reason if I try to play any playlists - at all, even smart ones created on the fly. I can shuffle through my entire collection OK (which has lead to some forgotten gems getting a hearing again for the first time in ages, so not all bad then)

Now, usually when something like this happens I'd just connect the phone up to my Apple Mac and restore the software, and all will be well. However, iTunes and the iPhone are simply not talking to each other at the moment - like a couple of teenagers having a lover's tiff, all I get is the spinning beachball of death for several minutes and then a failed sync.

Like anyone who lives on the internet, my first inclination was to google to see if anyone else had this problem, and I found out quite a lot of people were going through it too - it appears to be related to a recent software upgrade for the phone. There are workarounds available, I tried one and it didn't seem to have any effect, but I found another which is a bit more complicated (deauthorizing my computer, syncing up, reauthorizing my computer, etc. etc.) so I'll try that one later while I wait for the groceries I ordered to arrive. It's frustrating - especially as I've recently bought some new tracks and apps, and I subscribe to some pretty cool podcasts, and I won't be able to take any of those with me until this problems is fixed - but I'll try and get it sorted.

Incidentally, amongst said groceries will be a bottle of vodka and some Skittles, which I'm going to attempt to turn into Skittles flavoured vodka when I've got a free moment (and can get some glass bottles etc together) Having read an article on the subject, I think it would be something nice to try.

The sharp eyed may have noticed my profile picture has changed slightly - in fact all my avatars on various social network sites have been changed to this particular pic. Most of them carried a snapshot of me from 1994, when I had much longer hair - and a lot has changed in the intervening decade and a half, hasn't it? This is a bid to try and be a little less hard on myself - I still am not convinced I look particularly attractive, but I've been told this is a good photo and so I'm going to just run with it. And yes, the hair is still this red - it was a permanent job, so it'll be with me a while. I may go for purple next - y'all have been warned...

By the way, this isn't my usual musical choice, and it's got nothing to do with this entry - but there's a reason I picked this track which I'm not going into...and I'll leave it at that! :)

BILLY JOEL - AN INNOCENT MAN
(from the album "An Innocent Man", 1983)

Not The Best Of Weekends...

This weekend has been one of mixed emotions, to be honest. I went out on Friday night to have a bit of a boogie, as I felt I needed it after the week I'd had. Sadly, it didn't go as well as I thought it might. There weren't all that many people out that evening, which may have been down to the time of the month. Most people will get paid this coming Friday, but as usual for me, I'm not in tune with these arrangements as my employers still pay weekly, so every Friday is payday for me. Still, even allowing for that there were a lot less people than usual out on the town - and when I got to the 80s club, it was like the 90s club upstairs had taken over the place. Tracks from the likes of Five and Busted were being played, and I was (by about a decade) the oldest guy there! And there was something about the crowd that just didn't seem right - the atmosphere that was there last time I went to the place in mid-December just wasn't there.

Clearly, the local early-twentysomethings have a severe problem with a guy dancing around on his own in a club, going by the looks I was getting. But then, I've always done that, ever since I was in my early teens! I got fed up of asking girls to dance and them saying "no", so I thought "well, screw this - I'm here to enjoy myself, so I shall just dance by myself, and if anyone wants to join me, they know where to find me!" Admittedly by about 01.15 the 80s music was making a slow return, and people were loosening up a bit, but the damage had been done for me. If I hadn't had to go to work the following morning I would have given it a bit longer, but I was thinking "just go home Zaph, tonight's not meant to happen".

In hindsight though, going to bed and softly crying was probably an over-reaction. But then I've been feeling a little fragile about myself recently - and that really has to stop. There's no need for it. A look through my replies on Twitter and my email inbox should be enough to make me realize there's nothing wrong with me - I'm a bit different, that's for sure, but not weird. It's just a shame the people I'm in contact with in the "physical" world, at least around here, don't seem to share that opinion.

Saturday evening I hooked up with Groupie to watch the remake of "Friday the 13th" which we originally planned to see when we were in London - on Friday the 13th, no less. It was alright, I guess, though Groupie's comment was "that's not the Jason I remember - not as good as the original" and she should know, being a real fan of the hockey-masked slasher. Still, it was a nice evening and I took her back to mine for some proper coffee and cake afterwards. And I told her about an online friend of mine, who's going off on a camping trip on the next Friday the 13th - mind you, in these movies, there's always a "final girl" who survives, isn't there? So she should be fine...

And today? Another Sunday of sleep and more sleep - again, I had plans, mainly housework-based, but all I've done today is send a few messages to my netpals via Twitter and IM, watched QI via the BBC iPlayer, and tried to get my iPhone and iTunes talking again - to no avail, though I'm certainly not alone in having problems with this and there's some workarounds I can try to get things going again. The phone, SMS, and apps are all working fine - it's just the iPod side of things which is being problematic.

I'm gonna wind this entry up with a track which was played on the Friday night - and if this has no effect on me then you know something's not right. It's one of my favourite songs, believe it or not. Yeah, it's as cheesy as hell, but I can seriously identify with the lyrics - always have done...and usually when it's played at a club you'll find me dancing in the centre of the floor, lip-syncing along with them!! I did it when it spent a month at Number One eighteen years ago, and I still do it today....when I'm on form, that is...

CHESNEY HAWKES - THE ONE AND ONLY
(from the film soundtrack "Buddy's Song", 1991)

Every Glove That Laid Him Down...

I hate to say this, but I'm not in the happiest of moods again right now. I really don't like blogging about such topics, because I don't want to come over like I'm some sort of mental case, nor do I want to chase readers away. After all, we've all been at parties where someone's been sitting on their own looking rather unhappy, and what have we done? We've all avoided the person. We're there to enjoy ourselves, aren't we? Well, in the party of the internet, I think I'm that person at the moment. I'm not sure if it's the comedown from London, or winter just taking it's toll again, or whether it's just the fact I feel physically wrecked at the moment, or what it is - but I'm not feeling too good right now.

I've been hibernating a lot recently, and that's probably because of the lack of sleep that I got when Groupie and I were in London (no - nothing like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!! It was a twin room, for a start!) Monday in particular was a hell of an experience at work and I just about managed to get through the day with the tiny amount of sleep I managed to snatch Sunday night. And with hindsight I think drinking a half litre of wine that evening wasn't the best idea either... but there you go.

Physically I've been feeling pretty bad at the moment, walking around like a washed out rag. My knees were really sore on Tuesday, and I've been getting nosebleeds again - one came on when I was riding home from work today, for no apparent reason! And I've not exactly got a positive body image at the moment either. I was having a shower, and afterwards caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror - and thought "you're really not attractive at all, are you?" I've felt this for a while to be honest - having looked through pictures of myself it's rare to see one that I'm happy about. Usually I look drunk or fat-faced or really ugly. When I first started social networking my avatar of choice was the 1950s BBC test card, and it took a lot of soul searching to actually post a picture of myself up when one of my (female) followers on Twitter asked me what I looked like.

I'm not particularly proud of my appearance right now - and I know that sounds really shallow, but it's the way I feel. It's not helped by the fact that mentally I still think of myself as about 19 or 22 or something - and there's an obvious discrepancy between that and the age of the guy I see in the mirror, and that's just going to get worse as the years go on.

Maybe I should just get myself in shape, or maybe I should lose a couple of kilos or so. My weight's been on a sort of V-curve during this decade- I started it about 70kg or so, which is roughly where I should be, and started losing weight for no apparent reason till I was down to about 57kg. I eventually got it all back though, and it was nice to stuff my face with pizza all I wanted without worrying about the side effects! Now I'm about 73 or 74kg - maybe slightly high, but I'd rather like to tone my waist up.

Not opening the curtains doesn't exactly help, does it? But I really don't care about that any more. I don't particularly want to be confronted with the view outside, being what it is...because it isn't a pretty sight. Much better to concentrate on the inside of my little house, which I can make look much nicer. Except it isn't - it's a bit of a mess right now and I need to tidy up - but I've not felt up to it recently, I'm too tired, and that doesn't help me either!

I'm a bit of a news junkie, and that doesn't exactly help matters right now, as the world is in a hell of a state, isn't it? Groupie's always wanted nothing to do with newspapers or the TV news, and when I asked her about it, she told me "they always tell you the bad things about the world". I'm beginning to think she has a point... the credit crunch, the recession - or possibly even depression, some commentators are now forecasting - and the rumours that jobs are going to be cut at my workplace... it's a bit of a black time right now, isn't it? Like the 1970s, except I was too young to care about such things back then.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. Hopefully the next entry will be happier. I sometimes think I shouldn't mention these things here - but one of the reasons we always think the past was better than the present is because (apart from the really traumatic experiences) we tend to forget the bad things and concentrate on the good, and so we only remember the good things about our past. I don't want to do this with this blog - if I'm going through a bad patch, I want to write about it, because maybe in the future when I read this back I can take something from the experience.

Someone posted this track to Twitter (via blip.fm) and it seemed somewhat appropriate right now...

SIMON AND GARFUNKEL - THE BOXER
(from the album "Bridge Over Troubled Water", 1969)

I'm With The Band

I am EXHAUSTED from my latest weekend trip to London - this time accompanied by the GroupieGirl. I posted on Twitter when I got back "this was a weekend from hell with one shining moment in the middle" but now I've had a couple of days to rest and recover I think I'm being a little harsh with that statement. Oh yeah, I could dwell on the things that went wrong, and there were a few - Groupie forgetting to pack her Oystercard (so we just got another), or the train down being really cold (and Groupie really feels the cold, so not particularly pleasant for her). I could mention that my plan to see the remake of Friday the 13th (on Friday the 13th) went up in smoke due to public transport delays and me not feeling too well, or I could mention that we nearly missed our train home (but made it with a few minutes to spare). But there were some great moments from the trip, and one in particular which I will never ever forget.

The reason we were in London is because Groupie's favourites Right Said Fred were playing at a club in Holborn, and we'd arranged to go there with her German friend (and some people she knows). We'd taken Groupie's knitted dolls of Richard and Fred Fairbrass, and as usual they got quite a lot of attention from the other gig-goers, with random people coming up to her and asking about the dolls - who made them, and are they for sale? And some more of her business cards changed hands.... The gig itself was a lot of fun, we were literally right at the front, and although there were security present they were kept very low-key so it was possible to actually reach out and touch the band!

As soon as the last song was over, the rest of the people we were with ran out of the club in order to hang around the side entrance to try and catch a glimpse of the band (and talk to them) as they were leaving the venue. However, they didn't wait for us - Groupie had a few things to organize, her jacket, her dolls etc... They also didn't tell us where they were going, and so they just abandoned us, which really annoys her! She's had instances in the past where she's been out with people and they've just ran out on her - and she was not happy about it. However, she had the last laugh - and how!

Because of her dealings with the band in the past, she has contacts with their management team, and she'd told them she'd be attending the concert that evening. She got a text saying that the sound engineer had been told she was coming, and that she should introduce herself to him at some point. Well, with everyone else in the party gone, she went on her own to the sound guy and said hi. "Oh" he said, "I've been expecting you. If you hang on for a few minutes till I'm ready I'll take you upstairs to meet the band. Your friend can come too if he likes". So, we waited till he'd packed away his things, and then followed him out of the main door to the club, and along to a classy hotel next door. "The band will be getting changed right now, so wait here in the foyer and I'll call for you in a few minutes".

And so, a few minutes later, we were shown up the stairs to what I would call "the green room" - the band were there, relaxing, scoffing crisps and nuts. They seemed pleased to see Groupie again! And I got introduced to their backing singer Elisabeth, who I think is absolutely gorgeous! We chatted away for a bit about their new album and stuff, and they even gave us some of their crisps! They were all really nice to us both, and I felt incredibly privileged to have had this experience. As we were leaving the hotel, Groupie turned to me and said "I guess this means you're a groupie too now" and if Elisabeth ever needs a groupie, I'll happily volunteer :)

We eventually found the other people we were with, who had been waiting outside in the freezing cold for ages by the side of the club building, and had seen nothing but the roadies putting away the gear. No sign of the band - which was because we'd been upstairs with them, then they'd came out of the hotel and left in a car!! We never told them what we'd been doing, and we're not going to. To be honest, they seem really resentful of Groupie's dolls being on the front cover of the album. You'd think they'd be happy for her, but I get the impression they're really jealous of her. They also told me earlier that they're in competition to see who can see the most gigs by the band, and it was fairly obvious while we were having a drink or two before the show that there's bad vibes between certain people. I had a really bad feeling about how the night would go - but I really enjoyed it in the end! A Valentine's Night to remember I think!!

What else did we do? Well, Groupie is a fan of the surrealist Salvador Dali, and so on the Saturday - Valentine's Day - I took her to see the exhibition of his work at the South Bank, near the London Eye. She really enjoyed it, as did I (although I've been there before) - she's impressed by his artistic genius and his desire to be unique. A trait I think she shares with the great man...

We also did a fair bit of walking around the shops and markets, although we didn't really buy anything it's always fun to see what's on offer, which is usually light years ahead of anything we've got up here! We went to Camden Town on the Saturday, and spent some time in the new Cyberdog store, which appeared to have opened that very day - much bigger than the original place, and it had dancers up in cages on the walls!! I'm not so sure about this venue - the alien pod changing rooms haven't made the trip to the new place, for a start - but it's still hugely popular and a great experience. And we need one up here. They've got a store in Manchester, so at least they're moving in the right direction...

Sunday was spent in Carnaby Street (where I stocked up on flavoured coffee from Whittard of Chelsea, which is no longer available at home) and then we went up to the Portobello Road area to check out their market. As it happens, on the tube ride back we happened to stop off at BBC Television Centre, which of course would have been where I would have appeared if I'd been selected for the Eurovision shows. It's a building I've seen on TV dozens of times. And - I have to say - in real life, it was something of a disappointment. Seriously, it looks like it hasn't been cleaned in forty years or so - maybe they should use some of the licence fee money to pay for a window cleaner? It's a lot smaller than I imagined as well. Bit disappointing really.

But hey, on balance it was a good trip. I'm not sure when I'll make it down again - it's been weird going to London twice in one month like that, but I need some time to recover before I go on the road - to anywhere - again. This life of touring, rock bands - and groupies - can really take it's toll, and I need to rest up a bit and reflect on the great memories I'll cherish for ever. Rock & Roll, baby!!

RIGHT SAID FRED - I'M A CELEBRITY
(from the album "I'm A Celebrity", 2008)

And Now In Colour...

Although I've been sleeping at strange times (and seriously, right now I really SHOULD be in bed) I've been enjoying myself a lot over the last 48 hours or so. Groupie came around on Wednesday and was really nice to me all day. She said I deserved it for all the good things I've done for her over the last few weeks - and who am I to argue?

We made a sort of smock out of a bin-liner for me to wear, and then she got out some hair dye she'd bought for me, called "Red Planet". Now, anyone who knows me will know I don't really have much hair left to dye, but I've got enough and it was something I really wanted to do. We cranked up the Clubland music TV channel, moved into the bathroom and over the next couple of hours or so Groupie dyed my hair. And while we were waiting for it to take effect, she painted my toenails too! It was almost like I was her girlfriend this afternoon - and I didn't mind! Could get used to being pampered like this... To offset my red hair, my nails are dark blue, in honour of the Piccadilly line on the London Underground - Groupie's done her nails all different colours, one for each of the lines (well, nearly, as there's more than ten lines).

Anyway, I have to say I'm pleased with the results, and we went outside to take a few pictures for the archives. It's going to be interesting to see the reaction when I return to work on Monday - our office has bright florescent lights everywhere so the red will show up a treat - and some people may have something to say about it, but I don't really care whether they like it or not, I do! It's also noticeable that my sideburns are the same colour as my hair for the first time ever (she dyed them too) and it's nice not to have grey flecks in my hair again!!

After the colouring, we went into the city core to pick up our tickets for the London trip this weekend, and then we went to a tapas restaurant. For those of you who don't know what tapas are, they're a Spanish idea where you can order lots of little dishes and combine them to make up a full meal. Neither of us had ever done this before but it's something we both wanted to try. In fact, we'd wanted to do this when we visited Barcelona in 2005 but never got around to it... It was quite enjoyable, something we'd both like to try again, and with the Spanish music playing and the candlelit atmosphere it was easy to think we were back in Catalonia. And yes, she paid... like I said, I could get used to this! It was snowing outside, which was a bit weird after the Spanish experience but nice - both of us love the snow, and Groupie's comment was "this is really romantic... but not when it lands in my eye like that!"

Thursday was a day of hibernation mainly, although I did go into the city core to get my travelcard renewed for another three months (and got two days extra to make up for the strike action in December). I also got a Sweet CD, as this is another band who aren't available on iTunes, and bought a new watch - this was actually my Christmas gift from my parents, believe it or not! Only took me, what, seven weeks to get round to buying it... It's a nice one, radio-controlled so it sets itself every night and puts itself forward and back for summer time, like the clocks on my wall at home - seriously, why can't every clock do that?

This is my one hundredth blog post - yay! I was first inspired to start this blog back in October after reading someone else's blog (and I won't say whose, as I don't want to embarrass the person in question - but they know who they are, shall we say) I already had a Twitter account and felt this could be a place where I could do longer pieces than the 140-character limit Twitter enforces - usually much longer, like this entry!! It's been fun doing this, and I hope to continue for at least a hundred more entries - but that's really all dependent on you, the readers. I'm not sure how many of you are out there, but I'm glad you are - I'm grateful for your interest in what's after all just an average guy's life, and it's because of you all that I continue to do this. Thank you - and tell your friends!

DARIUS - COLOURBLIND
(from the album "Dive In", 2002)

Only The Crumbliest, Flakiest Zaphod

Today I spent the entire day indoors, and didn't even bother to open the curtains. Think I'm feeling reclusive again. I've certainly been all over the place with my emotions today. It's never dull in that department with me, is it? Right now I must admit I'm feeling a bit down - I'm sitting here drinking red wine listening to my orb and my tumble dryer and fighting the urge to get the REO Speedwagon etc. out. Which I probably will do later anyway, once I get started on my second glass.

I've not paid off my credit cards, and I've not done this month's 25 From TwentyFive list - and it's the 10th of the month now, soon to be the 11th...and I should have done those on the first, shouldn't I? But I was in London, enjoying myself, your Honour! And I really can't be bothered to do either now, even though I can do both jobs with just a few clicks of the mouse. Never mind sorting through my wardrobe and bagging off some gear I never wear, so I can take them to the clothing recycling. My motivation is non-existent right now, and that's before I started on the vino...

You may remember me talking about the Cyberdog store in London - well, I was on their website and it seems they're recruiting! And I must admit part of me was saying "go on, type up a resume and send it off - just to see what happens" but I don't think I will. It would just be wasting their time and mine, to be honest. London's a little far to commute... it's a shame, because I reckon with my background in dealing with the public on a daily basis I would be OK with working in there... but it just wouldn't be workable. And that's frustrating. Never mind. I shall seek solace in the arms of Groupie. She's coming round tomorrow and we'll be doing something which I can blog about later... (get your minds out of the gutter! Sheesh!)

But I haven't been moping all day. Actually, earlier in the day I was quite happy, busy doing some house cleaning (only a little, but the place is cleaner now than it was last night, and that's a start) And I was playing a little Rock Band earlier for the first time in a while, and I think I've still got what it takes. So maybe I won't be jamming with a certain gal in the future, but I don't think I want to be associated with people who send nasty texts, do I?

I was also scouring YouTube all morning looking for commercials from last century - this was caused by reading a particular blog I follow. The (rather attractive) young lady blogger in question had linked to a Cadbury's Flake advert to illustrate her latest post. And after a while imagining her as a Flake girl (and I sincerely hope she doesn't mind...) I spent the next two hours bouncing around YouTube looking for adverts I remembered from back then, and musing whether or not I could do an "advert of the day" occasionally on my blog and Twitter feed? Well, for today at least, let's go out on a commercial - this one's from the UK, about 1985. More lovely chocolate I think :)

Back In The Real World

I'm off work again - all this week!! Which worked out pretty well, given the weather we're getting. No fresh falls of snow since my last entry, the skies have been clear... but what that's meant is the temperatures have been very low. Last night, as I was working through a mountain of ironing, I was keeping one eye on my weather widget watching the mercury fall lower and lower - minus 8 celsius, then minus 9...and finally, just as I was going to bed, we hit double figures - minus 10. It must be over ten years since it got that cold at night, and I ended up sleeping in my jumper and jeans - and I'm told we can expect more of the same tonight!! Maybe I should buy some pyjamas after all...

I had a great opportunity to do so today as well After a weekend where I basically just stayed in my house and withdrew from the world, today I was out and about in the city core. And, well, it's not exactly the greatest place in the world, but beggars can't be choosers, can they? Besides, I think I needed to venture outside for a bit - even though I can do all my shopping online, and can have a lot of fun on the social networking sites, it's important to go out and experience the "real" world from time to time - even if only to confirm my views on which I prefer, at least at the moment.

I gave Groupie a call and we went for coffee, and then she accompanied me around the local shops. While getting dressed this morning I noticed the zip on my black jeans was broken - so I was in the market for a new pair, and found myself at New Look checking out what they had to offer. New Look is rapidly becoming my favourite store in much the same way C&A was in my late teens (I still miss it, and I apologize to any international readers who have no clue what I'm on about here) So, I bought myself some flared jeans. Yeah, you read that right. I think I look OK in them, actually - and I could wear them in public here as well as they're not too "different" from the norm. But they're different enough for me to like them :)

And to go with this, I picked up a t-shirt with "DIRTY ELECTRO" and a pair of lips on them, which I've had my eye on for a while now (it's in my twitpic stash - go there and scroll back a few weeks if you want to see it) That will look great on me when I'm next in club 80s - and I really should go back there sometime, shouldn't I? I did say I'd take Groupie there too - but the weather's not been great, and I've had Eurovision to keep me occupied on Saturday nights recently.

I also bought myself a cafetiere - or "french press" as it's called in some parts of the world. I had one of these ages ago, which broke - and now I've got one again!! Like my little house, it's just a small one, enough for two cups, and I also picked up some Colombian coffee to use in it. Something else I've been meaning to get for ages - I don't know why it took me till today to get it, but sometimes that happens, doesn't it? You say you're going to do something and it just keeps being put off and put off for no good reason. We all know we shouldn't do that, but we all do it...

Anyway, tonight I'm expecting a grocery delivery (I do that online too) and while I'm waiting maybe I'll enjoy some "proper coffee" for a change while watching Hammer House of Horror, or something else recorded on my Sky+. One thing I won't be doing tonight is wearing pyjamas though - I never bought any! What's wrong with using my jeans?

THE KINKS - DEDICATED FOLLOWER OF FASHION
(single released 1966)

White Is The Colour

Sunday morning finds me sitting on the sofa wearing my white jeans and jumper and looking out at the similarly white scene outside. It's beautiful out there! It's been snowing for days now, and while it's been causing a lot of travel disruption I'm really enjoying the winter wonderland we've got at the moment. Even if it does mean I've had to walk home due to public transport woes - 30 or 40 minutes trudging through snow is tough, especially when you've already done a 10km walk or so during your working day, but I was told by one of my coworkers it took him two HOURS to get home on the buses, so I made the right decision!!

The snow has lead to an interesting situation at work. One of the lads (who's relatively new) got disciplined by the boss for "not wearing the official shoes". He was, in fact, wearing hiking boots, which were probably a hundred times more efficient out there than the stuff we get issued, but that cut no ice with the line manager and he got slapped with an official warning. Thankfully, the union's been informed and the shop steward is raising hell about this, so hopefully this madness will be reversed in short order. Honestly, Kafka couldn't make up stuff like this...

I must admit I'm still feeling a little reclusive - and exhausted, physically and mentally. Yesterday in particular I felt quite tired and it took real determination to get through the day and then get back home, to a warm, comfortable bed - mmm, heaven. I just felt like everything was getting on top of me - but I'm confident that I'll bounce back. I just go through the odd dark phase - but like the moon, it's not long before I'm bright and shiny again. OK, that's not the most literary metaphor, but it's the best I can do in my state.

One thing that was causing a lot of hassle was my second trip to London (this time accompanying Groupie as she does the groupie thing with Right Said Fred) The accommodation was sorted thanks to her German friend who lives in London (and who is also an RSF groupie....) but the transport to and from the place was another story. Perhaps because it's Valentine's weekend, there was no way to get down there without spending an obscene amount of money or travelling at insane times of the day - we ended up getting day trains both way, costing about double what I paid for my trip last time, each!! And for all that cash, we'll only have Friday evening to Sunday mid-afternoon in London...not ideal at all. (Groupie's comment "well, we just won't sleep while we're there to make up for it" which is one way to maximise the time I guess) And I'm not sure whether it's this fact, or just my general mood - but I'm not looking forward to this, and I think that's a first for me as far as London is concerned.

Never mind. I'm off work for several days, so I've decided to rest up and do some housework and things in the online world which really need to get done. Starting as soon as I've posted this. I'll refill my orb to fragrance the room and just have a quiet time getting my house in order, literally and figuratively. As good a way to spend a Sunday as anything, I guess...

OZZY OSBOURNE - SO TIRED
(from the album "Bark At The Moon", 1983)

Sometimes I Hate This Place...

It's been snowing!! It first arrived yesterday (I told Groupie "a little present I brought back from London for you") and intensified today - have been taking the odd picture and posting it on twitpic (you can access my snaps there via a link on the sidebar, incidentally) It's always nice to have the snow, even if I've been coming home with saturated shoes from where it comes in over the tops of them. Also Groupie's been round to officially welcome me back from my trip...which was nice :) she'd had a little bit of a makeover while I'd been away, and her hair is now black with discreet little purple highlights at the ends...like some 21st-century Bettie Page which is always a winner with me!!

So why, then, am I feeling a little bit down? And why do I want to hide behind the curtains and stay in my little house all day like some cyber-recluse? Well, I'm feeling a little down at the moment, and a little disgusted with the world and particularly my corner of it.

If you remember, I'd given my number to some girl on my round who was discussing Guitar Hero with me. I didn't have one of my little cards with my details on it, so I popped one through the letterbox on my next working day. I also wrote a little note just reminding her who I was ("I interrupted your Guitar Hero session on Saturday") and also explaning my number was in international format on my cards (so I can use them all over the world, it's listed +4479 xxxx xxxx instead of the 079 xxxx xxxx you would actually dial on a regular phone here - though you can dial it, or store it, like that on mobiles OK and they'll know what you mean) I popped this into a little envelope on which I wrote "to the Guitar Hero girl" and drew a little electric guitar on it. So far...so me, basically...thought it was pretty nice :)

I never got a reply from her all week, which was a little disappointing but I thought "well, hey ho, you can't knock down a coconut every time" and put it out of my mind. Then while I was in London at the weekend I started getting texts from an unknown number...which quickly became quite nasty, such as "Is Gary Glitter your dad??" (and others I'm not going to print here) And maybe I'm just feeling fragile at the moment, but that hurt me. I know from the stuff I deliver that she shares her flat with two others (one guy, one gal) so maybe it wasn't her sending these texts to me, but it was still really bad I thought. I don't give out my number to people so they can say things like that to me. What is wrong with people??

When I was younger I was stood up a lot of times...basically girls would lead me on by arranging a date and then not show up on the night. That happened to me a lot back in the last century - people having a laugh at my expense...and I got really sensitive over it. And now someone was doing that to me again. Why me? I thought. I know I'm different...always have been. But that's no reason to do things like that to me.

You know, when I first got my little cards printed and showed them to the people I work with, they laughed. They just couldn't get it through their heads that someone who isn't in business would have these things printed. And the international format number confused them too - but it works if you dial it in a mobile, which we've all got now anyway...and there's my bloody e-mail address on the card as well if you can't cope with that!! To me it makes perfect sense - why write your number on the back of someone's hand or on a scrap of paper when you can do it more professionally with these cards??

A friend of mine told me over the weekend, when she heard about the attitude to my red trousers people have up here, "maybe you should consider moving to a place which supports you, rather than suppresses you" and maybe she's right. I can think of somewhere...maybe :) but unfortunately I'm stuck here - at least until the recession is over (and they're now saying that might not be till 2011) and knowing my luck, probably permanently. All I can say is I am so thankful I'm living in the internet age - it's a gateway to a wider, more accepting world, where people don't mess me around like that and accept me for what I am. Maybe it sounds like I'm living in some sort of fantasy world - but it's better than this place...

DAVID BOWIE - SPACE ODDITY
(from the album "Space Oddity", 1969)

Winter Wonderland, London Style

So, I'm back home again...back at work again...and thinking about the great weekend I had down in my favourite city. I took the sleeper train down from Edinburgh on Friday night, which was a lot nicer than the last time I was on it...at least I managed to get some sleep this time!! I had been awake since 05.30 which probably helped - only woke up a couple of times during the night.

So, early Saturday morning I found myself in a cold and lonely Euston station, luckily I was able to get some coffee and pretzels to kick-start my weekend off. Then after doing all the usual things I do when I arrive - checked in my bag at left-luggage, got a copy of Time Out, refilled my Oystercard, and took a quick journey to Earls Court to find where my hotel was - I was off and running.

Saturday's main event was spending hours of fun at the Science Museum. I love going there, it's always fun to wander around things like the space exhibit (including one of the actual Apollo Moon Landers). Of course, there's always temporary exhibits in places like these which make it worthwhile coming back, and this time it was a Dan Dare-themed one, covering the technology of Britain in the period 1945-1970 - so two of my favourite subjects there! I also took a look at some really early computers and an interesting section on psychology. Lovely stuff.

I then grabbed some sandwiches, doughnuts and something to drink and headed for the Royal Parks where I intended to picnic - and that's when the extent of the cold hit me. It was FREEZING and I was glad I'd taken my hat. And was it my imagination, or was I seeing flakes of snow in the air?? Anyway, it was a lot colder than I expected, so after lunch I rode around in the Tube a bit to warm up :)

That filled in the time until check-in at my pad for the weekend, so back to Euston to get my bag and then to Earls Court. It was a nice little place, reminded me of my college accomodation. Top floor, and there were no lifts (they were being renovated) but I'm used to stair climbing in my job so no worries there, and I just crashed out and slept for a couple hours. I always begrudge doing this - I find London an exciting place and it seems wasteful to sleep at all when I'm there - but I had to...I was feeling quite tired.

I had visions of clubbing it late into the night, but the cold did put me off a little, and so after watching the Eurovision selection final in my room (and then writing my article on it for the Daily Dust) I decided to just stay in Earls Court and go round some of the pubs. It was nice drinking London Pride beer and keeping in touch with my friends from all over the world via my iPhone. OK, maybe some may not find that a particularly exciting Saturday night, but I enjoyed myself.

One of the things I read about in Time Out was the Chinese New Year celebrations which were being held in London that weekend (although the actual new year was almost a week earlier) I thought it would be really nice to experience this, and so on Sunday I found myself in Trafalgar Square watching dancers and dragons, listening to traditional Chinese music and learning how to say Happy New Year in Cantonese (Kung Hei Fatt Choy, since you ask) I later found myself in the Chinatown area, with red lanterns everywhere. It's traditional to wear red for luck in the new year, and coincidentally I had my red trousers with me, so I put them on. How wonderful to be able to wear these things without being stared at or laughed at, I thought. Much better than back home.

What struck me was the sheer multiculturalism of the event - looking around I could see people of all colours and ethnic backgrounds enjoying this. That's another thing I like about London - the sheer diversity of the place. Just about every culture and background is represented somewhere there, and while I'm not naive enough to believe there's no racism at all there (quite the reverse, sadly) everyone seems to get on, united by the common feeling of being Londoners - even if only temporarily, like myself.

By Sunday evening it was snowing - I couldn't believe it!! I'd never been in London during a snowstorm, and it was nice looking out at it, sampling organic cherry flavoured beer in a pub on the edge of Soho. Not to mention dodging the snowballs being thrown back in Earls Court at the end of the evening!

I woke up on Monday morning to a blanket of snow outside. Not particularly bad by Scottish standards, but something I'd never seen in London before. It was only when I turned on the little TV in the room that I realized the significance of what I was seeing. This was now the worst snowstorm in London for nearly 20 years. All the bus lines were suspended, and there were corresponding delays on the Tube...people were not making it into work, and it began to sink in that getting around today could be problematic - and I could find myself stuck in London.

I went down to the South Bank area and looked out at a strange, alien London. The familiar red buses that everyone thinks of when they think of London were nowhere to be seen. The London Eye was closed, people were building snowmen beside the Royal Festival Hall and lots of photographs were being taken (the front page of the London Evening Standard was a snow-topped Houses of Parliament, which I was looking at around this time. Beautiful)

Half of Camden Town, where I'd planned to buy Groupie something nice, was closed - again probably due to people not making it into work. Cyberdog was still open though - a fantastic store which has become a place of pilgrimage whenever Groupie or myself are in London, and I did manage to get her something nice there. Also picked up a William Gibson novel for the train ride north...assuming there would be a train ride north that day...

I then went to the British Library to see an exhibition on rights through the ages. Everyone attending was given a wristband with a barcode on it, and occasionally asked to "vote" in some futuristic polling booth on questions like "do you support the principle of detention without charge?" or "should terminally ill people have the right to end their lives?" Really thought provoking exhibition, and I liked the voting gimmick - at the end I got to see how my answers stacked up with everyone else who'd visited.

Sadly, the time for my train north was drawing near, and so after a final trip to Earls Court to collect my bag from the hotel's luggage room, I went up to Kings Cross to board my train to Edinburgh. Which was running, but left the station late...and got later and later as it travelled up the east coast of England. I began to get a little concerned that I'd miss my connecting train home in Edinburgh, which in the event I did by nearly an hour. As this was the last train home of the night, this caused a bit of a problem.

Thankfully the train staff worked out an alternative. I was put on the last train to Dundee, and there both myself and the handful of other Aberdeen-bound passengers were put onto taxis (at no cost to us) to drive us the final 100km north. I've been in a similar situation - years ago, on the way home from York - and I had an idea something like this would be organized, so I wasn't stressed out at all. There's no point in it anyway - nothing I could do about it.

The taxi driver was a South Asian man, who impressed me with both his selection of electronic dance music he played all the way up, and his cavalier attitude towards winter driving. Every now and again I heard a beeping sound, which turned out to be his speed camera detector. This was the only time he slowed down. I liked it. Managed to get home about 02.30, three hours before my alarm call for work...but got through today OK. Not a flake of snow to be seen anywhere here ironically, just rain!!

Apologies for the long entry - but then it's been several days, hasn't it? Today's track holds special significance - I couldn't get this song out of my head on the Sunday, to the extent I actually decided to go to Warwick Avenue and look around the area. It's a sad song, but beautiful, and as I stood "by the entrance of the tube" I thought of the song again. I've always liked it a little - now it's one of my favourites, and I'll always think of being in that area of London when I hear it.

DUFFY - WARWICK AVENUE
(from the album "Rockferry", 2008)