Well, as I type this there's just a few hours to go before I hop on a train south to Edinburgh, where I'll catch the sleeper train to London Town! As you can imagine, I am richly looking forward to this - anyone who knows me will tell you it's my favourite place to be. Had circumstances been different, I would be at BBC Television Centre singing my heart out trying to qualify for the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend. As it is though, I'll still be in London - and maybe I can find a karaoke bar :)
It turns out that this will be the first of two weekends in London for me in February - Right Said Fred have announced they will play a gig on February 14 in central London, so the little trip that I'd planned to go on with Groupie has been shifted a few hundred kilometres southeast... she's got a friend down there who can get us a cheap room, so although it sounds like I'm blowing loads of cash on trips away, it ain't necessarily so - travel can be done quite cheaply if you shop around and aren't too fussy about certain things.
Mentioning Groupie - she came round on Wednesday night, which went a lot better than some nights we've had... She had some business to take care of which had really been preying on her mind for ages, but it's sorted now, and hopefully she'll feel a bit happier now she doesn't have to worry about it anymore. She's still fairly down about things but she told me she is determined to turn her life around and get back to being the bubbly, fun and chatty gal she was. She also told me she wanted to be more relaxed and laid-back about life rather than feeling uptight about things all the time, and asked me "how do you do it?" Well, I'm no lifecoach - not by a long shot - but I've always felt that if you keep an open mind about things, you're more prepared for the curveballs that life can throw at you.
I think she's really concerned now that I don't want to see her anymore, or that I'll run off with someone else. Whatever, I hope she does manage to improve her situation, and I hope she feels happier soon. I just want everybody to be happy...including her...and including me.
The rain is lashing down outside right now, and the weather forecast isn't that good over the weekend...which makes me think of a certain friend of mine who'll be returning from the USA to England very shortly. I reckon the contrast from sunny Florida to what's being predicted for over here will be pretty sharp!! Never mind, it'll take more than rain, cold night-time temperatures and possibly even snow to stop me having a fun weekend!! Time to pack my overnight bag...and find my travel tickets...
ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA - LAST TRAIN TO LONDON
(from the album "Discovery", 1979)
2009-01-30
2009-01-28
Don't Bring Me Down...
It's probably just as well there's no alcohol in the house at the moment. For one thing I've got work to go to...and for another thing, long term readers will know what happens when I blog drunk...
I was round at Groupie's bringing black forest gateaux (officially my favourite cake in the world, just so you know) and the Scooter DVD she bought me at Christmas - neither of us had seen it yet, so I thought I'd bring it along to try and cheer her up. Because, again, she's in a really bad way...and right now, I think I'm going down as well.
I'm not willing to go into specifics here, basically to protect people who don't read this blog and can't put their side of the story. However, I will say that Groupie is really not in a happy mood right now at all. She's been crying a lot and really stressing out over certain things. I try the best I can to cheer her up, and it works for a while, but it seems like I turn my back for a minute and she's off again. I feel like she needs someone to help her through this - she needs me to help her through this...but I'm not sure I can, or even want to any more. I know that sounds really harsh, but it's the way I feel.
When I was over there, she started saying things which hurt me a little. Hopefully I've just got the wrong end of the stick here, but I don't think I have. It sounds like she feels jealous of me and my life at the moment - and the fact it's going fairly well in comparison to hers. My trip to London is in just a few days and she keeps saying "I need to get away..." despite the fact I've offered to go somewhere with her in a couple of weeks (and that may be London again if circumstances pan out - she has a friend there who can get us cheap accomodation) But she (like her late mother) is coming over all "I'm not happy, so no-one else can be happy either. I'm only concerned with myself right now..." and I know her current state of mind is partially responsible for this, but I'll level with you - she can be a right bitter bitch sometimes, and it hurts when you're in the firing line.
Also, she seems to be blaming some of her circumstances on me!! I kept my mouth shut so as not to cause an even bigger scene at her place, but seriously?? Again, I'll not go into specifics - and I'll acknowledge that some of her circumstances are just unlucky happenings - but I'm not taking the rap for things which are as much her fault as mine, or even more so. She just doesn't want to take the responsibility for certain things. Never has, to be honest. Zog, it's like dealing with a child sometimes - and it hurts to say this, but it's true. She even admits it sometimes!! And I'm getting tired of this.
Perhaps that's why I'm sitting here in the dark listening to sad Dutch songs. I know I said I wouldn't get all emo-like over our position in 2009...and I'm trying not to - but again I find myself questioning whether we should carry on, and whether it's worth it for the good things about us - and there are some :) I did say back in December that it seemed like the beginning of the end of what we had...and maybe that was true. And it's a shame, as I do care about her incredibly.
You know, I've been feeling really happy over the last couple of days - work has been light and easy and I've been in a cheerful frame of mind. I hadn't seen Groupie since Friday...tonight I did see her and I feel emotionally choked up again. I'm not saying the two things are linked... I'm not making any conclusions - not yet....
COLDPLAY - FIX YOU
(from the album "X&Y", 2005)
I was round at Groupie's bringing black forest gateaux (officially my favourite cake in the world, just so you know) and the Scooter DVD she bought me at Christmas - neither of us had seen it yet, so I thought I'd bring it along to try and cheer her up. Because, again, she's in a really bad way...and right now, I think I'm going down as well.
I'm not willing to go into specifics here, basically to protect people who don't read this blog and can't put their side of the story. However, I will say that Groupie is really not in a happy mood right now at all. She's been crying a lot and really stressing out over certain things. I try the best I can to cheer her up, and it works for a while, but it seems like I turn my back for a minute and she's off again. I feel like she needs someone to help her through this - she needs me to help her through this...but I'm not sure I can, or even want to any more. I know that sounds really harsh, but it's the way I feel.
When I was over there, she started saying things which hurt me a little. Hopefully I've just got the wrong end of the stick here, but I don't think I have. It sounds like she feels jealous of me and my life at the moment - and the fact it's going fairly well in comparison to hers. My trip to London is in just a few days and she keeps saying "I need to get away..." despite the fact I've offered to go somewhere with her in a couple of weeks (and that may be London again if circumstances pan out - she has a friend there who can get us cheap accomodation) But she (like her late mother) is coming over all "I'm not happy, so no-one else can be happy either. I'm only concerned with myself right now..." and I know her current state of mind is partially responsible for this, but I'll level with you - she can be a right bitter bitch sometimes, and it hurts when you're in the firing line.
Also, she seems to be blaming some of her circumstances on me!! I kept my mouth shut so as not to cause an even bigger scene at her place, but seriously?? Again, I'll not go into specifics - and I'll acknowledge that some of her circumstances are just unlucky happenings - but I'm not taking the rap for things which are as much her fault as mine, or even more so. She just doesn't want to take the responsibility for certain things. Never has, to be honest. Zog, it's like dealing with a child sometimes - and it hurts to say this, but it's true. She even admits it sometimes!! And I'm getting tired of this.
Perhaps that's why I'm sitting here in the dark listening to sad Dutch songs. I know I said I wouldn't get all emo-like over our position in 2009...and I'm trying not to - but again I find myself questioning whether we should carry on, and whether it's worth it for the good things about us - and there are some :) I did say back in December that it seemed like the beginning of the end of what we had...and maybe that was true. And it's a shame, as I do care about her incredibly.
You know, I've been feeling really happy over the last couple of days - work has been light and easy and I've been in a cheerful frame of mind. I hadn't seen Groupie since Friday...tonight I did see her and I feel emotionally choked up again. I'm not saying the two things are linked... I'm not making any conclusions - not yet....
COLDPLAY - FIX YOU
(from the album "X&Y", 2005)
2009-01-26
To Sleep, Perchance To Dream - Electrically
I'm in a rather happy mood at the moment, which is always nice! Especially at this time of the year, I'll take any happiness I can get :)
Sunday was spent just chilling out on my own - the original plan was to get some stuff sorted which needed it, but it was dull and rainy outside and so I ended up just hibernating for most of the day - and that did annoy and disappoint me a bit, but to be honest I think it still did me good. The issues in my life are still there (and I'm sure I don't have to go into details - we know what the issues are) but I'm feeling like I can handle them more now I've had some time out to rest and recharge my emotional batteries, if you like.
And I did have some fun in the evening...all computer based now I come to think about it :) As I mentioned a while back I've been trying Tweetdeck as my Twitter client, but I've kept my former choice Twitterific because they both have strengths and weaknesses. So I wrote an Automator script in Mac OS X to make it easier to switch between them both - now I can swap from one to the other with just one click of the mouse. I'd never used Automator before - but I know this isn't going to be the last script I'm going to write for it. It was so easy to do, and now I'm thinking what else I could automate with it...
Once I'd done that, I chilled out with a fabulous movie from my childhood - namely "Electric Dreams". I must admit I'd never seen the film before, and I suppose that's my credibility shot to hell again... but while successful in the USA, the film flopped over here on release and I don't think it was even shown by the cinema in my nearest town back then. I'd only heard about it from the theme to the film (which did much better over here than the film itself) and advertising in computer magazines (yes, I was a computer fan, even in 1984...) But it was shown on one of the satellite channels a while back and I recorded it on my Sky+. It's been there for a while, but I finally got round to watching it last night, and I really enjoyed it!!
The term "rom-com" didn't exist in 1984, but this would have been described as one if it had. And I don't really watch a lot of films in that genre...but I loved this one (and probably would have loved to have seen it in '84 if the opportunity arose) I would have loved all the computery scenes, and probably would have gone home wishing I could do all that with my ZX Spectrum which I had in my bedroom back then. And being 11, I may have just been old enough to have said "wow!" to myself when the (attractive) leading lady appeared in what looked like a little silk slip at one point... Seeing it in 2009 is a different experience of course, not least because of how far we've come with technology in a quarter century - but still enjoyable.
No spoilers...although I'm told the film's never been released on DVD, so it may be hard to get for yourself...but there's a scene where the two main characters kiss for the first time, and it made me feel all loved up inside. I felt like hugging someone - but as there was no-one else there with me, I sent a virtual hug to my twitter followers instead! The film was probably just what I needed for a little lift, and I went to bed happy (eventually - spent a couple hours websurfing and watching QVC first...)
PHILIP OAKEY/GIORGIO MORODER - TOGETHER IN ELECTRIC DREAMS
(from the film soundtrack "Electric Dreams", 1984)
Sunday was spent just chilling out on my own - the original plan was to get some stuff sorted which needed it, but it was dull and rainy outside and so I ended up just hibernating for most of the day - and that did annoy and disappoint me a bit, but to be honest I think it still did me good. The issues in my life are still there (and I'm sure I don't have to go into details - we know what the issues are) but I'm feeling like I can handle them more now I've had some time out to rest and recharge my emotional batteries, if you like.
And I did have some fun in the evening...all computer based now I come to think about it :) As I mentioned a while back I've been trying Tweetdeck as my Twitter client, but I've kept my former choice Twitterific because they both have strengths and weaknesses. So I wrote an Automator script in Mac OS X to make it easier to switch between them both - now I can swap from one to the other with just one click of the mouse. I'd never used Automator before - but I know this isn't going to be the last script I'm going to write for it. It was so easy to do, and now I'm thinking what else I could automate with it...
Once I'd done that, I chilled out with a fabulous movie from my childhood - namely "Electric Dreams". I must admit I'd never seen the film before, and I suppose that's my credibility shot to hell again... but while successful in the USA, the film flopped over here on release and I don't think it was even shown by the cinema in my nearest town back then. I'd only heard about it from the theme to the film (which did much better over here than the film itself) and advertising in computer magazines (yes, I was a computer fan, even in 1984...) But it was shown on one of the satellite channels a while back and I recorded it on my Sky+. It's been there for a while, but I finally got round to watching it last night, and I really enjoyed it!!
The term "rom-com" didn't exist in 1984, but this would have been described as one if it had. And I don't really watch a lot of films in that genre...but I loved this one (and probably would have loved to have seen it in '84 if the opportunity arose) I would have loved all the computery scenes, and probably would have gone home wishing I could do all that with my ZX Spectrum which I had in my bedroom back then. And being 11, I may have just been old enough to have said "wow!" to myself when the (attractive) leading lady appeared in what looked like a little silk slip at one point... Seeing it in 2009 is a different experience of course, not least because of how far we've come with technology in a quarter century - but still enjoyable.
No spoilers...although I'm told the film's never been released on DVD, so it may be hard to get for yourself...but there's a scene where the two main characters kiss for the first time, and it made me feel all loved up inside. I felt like hugging someone - but as there was no-one else there with me, I sent a virtual hug to my twitter followers instead! The film was probably just what I needed for a little lift, and I went to bed happy (eventually - spent a couple hours websurfing and watching QVC first...)
PHILIP OAKEY/GIORGIO MORODER - TOGETHER IN ELECTRIC DREAMS
(from the film soundtrack "Electric Dreams", 1984)
2009-01-24
Calling A Timeout
It's been a tough week - in every sense of the word. Work's been another orgy of lightbulbs, although it wasn't as bad as the last time we got those in the summer. And I'm a little annoyed, though not exactly surprised, about the guy who covered my job yesterday on my day off. Let's just say he didn't take what I felt was his fair share of the bulbs, and the ones he left were all for the tenement flats (where all the stair climbing takes place). Which meant I had to shift them this morning - though thankfully there wasn't all that much other stuff to do. When I found out he actually finished his round two hours early as well, I was not pleased. I could have it out with him, or inform the management, but through experience I know neither course of action won't do any good. But don't worry - I won't forget the incident... just saying...
Mind you, work wasn't all bad. I had a parcel for a girl on my round who, as it turns out, is a bit of a fan of Guitar Hero and was in fact in the middle of a game when I knocked on her door. I happened to mention that I liked Rock Band and we chatted about it for a couple of minutes while she signed for her parcel. I then said "you know, maybe we should have a jam session or something..." and she said "maybe we should!" Now, I have little personal cards with my email address and phone number printed on them (got them done ages ago - and to be frank, I think everyone should do this) Of course, today I didn't happen to have any with me :( but she said "look, next time you're on the round, just pop it through the letterbox" - so I shall do, on Monday, and we'll see what happens, yeah?
Actually, thinking about it, if I hadn't been delayed with the light bulbs, maybe that conversation would never have happened....they say things happen for a reason, don't they? Maybe I won't be too hard on him after all :)
The situation with Groupie continues to be rather draining on me emotionally. The poor gal is not very happy at the moment at all, and is also coming out with some quite bitter hate-filled rants about anything and everything. Admittedly, someone who she thought was a friend has turned out to be anything but, and the phase of the moon doesn't exactly help (no, it's not full - that's not what I mean *blush*) but it's hard to have to sit through this stuff sometimes. She's putting me off her again - I know she can't help it, but she is. She really is no fun to be around right now though, and it's a shame. I know I said I wouldn't get all emo-like over our position in 2009 - what happens, happens - but I'm thinking I really need some space right now...
Actually, some space wouldn't be such a bad idea. I seem to have been spending most of my time this week in the services of others, shall we say. I've been looking after Groupie and helping her out with some stuff which really needs done (and isn't yet, which doesn't help) and then I've been spending time doing things for Caffeinehead...and then there's the Eurovision article to write this week...and of course work. It seems that I've not had much time to myself recently, and to be honest there's stuff that needs done in my own life. I'm a bit of a mess, my house is a bit of a mess and my life's a bit of a mess right now. The bedroom is full of laundry which needs done, and I really need to get some grocery shopping done so I don't have to live on takeaways like I've been doing the last few days. I really should take better care of myself, shouldn't I?
So, accordingly, tonight and tomorrow I'm going to look after number one for a change. I'm going to get stuff done in my own life that needs sorting, and just chill out and replenish my energy levels so I can cope with whatever week5 can throw at me. I feel I just need a little time to myself right now - and even if I end up just staring at the TV screen for 36 hours straight, or doing nothing but play Rock Band all Sunday, that'll still help. Though hopefully I'll be doing something more productive with my time - I know I really need to...
JOAN ARMATRADING - ME, MYSELF, I
(from the album "Me, Myself, I", 1980)
Mind you, work wasn't all bad. I had a parcel for a girl on my round who, as it turns out, is a bit of a fan of Guitar Hero and was in fact in the middle of a game when I knocked on her door. I happened to mention that I liked Rock Band and we chatted about it for a couple of minutes while she signed for her parcel. I then said "you know, maybe we should have a jam session or something..." and she said "maybe we should!" Now, I have little personal cards with my email address and phone number printed on them (got them done ages ago - and to be frank, I think everyone should do this) Of course, today I didn't happen to have any with me :( but she said "look, next time you're on the round, just pop it through the letterbox" - so I shall do, on Monday, and we'll see what happens, yeah?
Actually, thinking about it, if I hadn't been delayed with the light bulbs, maybe that conversation would never have happened....they say things happen for a reason, don't they? Maybe I won't be too hard on him after all :)
The situation with Groupie continues to be rather draining on me emotionally. The poor gal is not very happy at the moment at all, and is also coming out with some quite bitter hate-filled rants about anything and everything. Admittedly, someone who she thought was a friend has turned out to be anything but, and the phase of the moon doesn't exactly help (no, it's not full - that's not what I mean *blush*) but it's hard to have to sit through this stuff sometimes. She's putting me off her again - I know she can't help it, but she is. She really is no fun to be around right now though, and it's a shame. I know I said I wouldn't get all emo-like over our position in 2009 - what happens, happens - but I'm thinking I really need some space right now...
Actually, some space wouldn't be such a bad idea. I seem to have been spending most of my time this week in the services of others, shall we say. I've been looking after Groupie and helping her out with some stuff which really needs done (and isn't yet, which doesn't help) and then I've been spending time doing things for Caffeinehead...and then there's the Eurovision article to write this week...and of course work. It seems that I've not had much time to myself recently, and to be honest there's stuff that needs done in my own life. I'm a bit of a mess, my house is a bit of a mess and my life's a bit of a mess right now. The bedroom is full of laundry which needs done, and I really need to get some grocery shopping done so I don't have to live on takeaways like I've been doing the last few days. I really should take better care of myself, shouldn't I?
So, accordingly, tonight and tomorrow I'm going to look after number one for a change. I'm going to get stuff done in my own life that needs sorting, and just chill out and replenish my energy levels so I can cope with whatever week5 can throw at me. I feel I just need a little time to myself right now - and even if I end up just staring at the TV screen for 36 hours straight, or doing nothing but play Rock Band all Sunday, that'll still help. Though hopefully I'll be doing something more productive with my time - I know I really need to...
JOAN ARMATRADING - ME, MYSELF, I
(from the album "Me, Myself, I", 1980)
2009-01-23
Cross Another Thing Off The List...
If you're reading this on the day I posted it (January 23) then I'm either getting some important business sorted with GroupieGirl or I'm in the city core getting my hair cut, which I really need to do - and to be honest, I think these sideburns will have to go. The fact my facial hair is naturally a different colour from the rest of my hair is not exactly helping matters, and neither is the Noddy Holder references... and actually, I've been thinking about removing some other hair on my body as well... but enough about that for now!!
So, let's spool back to Monday, and something which I would have blogged about by now were it not for being busy at work and having the emo stuff to write about (long term readers will notice I have a strict policy of one entry per day max, so things have been bunching up a bit...)
Anyway, after work on Monday I headed out to my mate Caffeinehead's house. He's another sensible guy who keeps the Apple Mac faith (I know we get bad press for coming over all smug and fanboy-like, but I'm not like that really, not much...) but he's not exactly computer-literate so sometimes I have to pop over and make sure he's managing OK. And to be honest, sometimes that's a bit of a drag - but I'd not been round for ages and I thought it would be nice to pay him a visit.
Well, it seems he'd bought something new - something a little lower-tech, which he brought out when another of his friends came over. Now, I've "inhaled" in the past, to quote the 42nd American president, but I've never seen an actual bong in use before, so I was quite interested in it - I was intrigued as to how it worked, and what the experience was like. Caffeinehead and his mate were trying the thing out while I was doing stuff on his Mac, and to be honest I think I was getting a little "floaty" just by being in the same room as them due to the second-hand smoke, and I said so. Which lead to me being asked a question which secretly I hoped would be asked - "do you want to have a go?" Shyly, I said "mmm...ok...."
And so I indulged in something which I haven't done since 1995...and, I shall be honest, I actually enjoyed it :) It just seemed right at the time...but I should point out it's not something I shall be making a habit of (my mind's rather screwed up already, thanks, without adding stuff like that to the equation. Plus, I'm rather vehemently anti-smoking and have been ever since I watched Groupie's mum die of lung cancer in 2007) But it was another new experience for me - something I can say I've done. I always say to people "when you're old and in that nursing home, you're going to look back on your life and think of things you haven't done which you wish you had. I would like that list to be as short as possible" and I guess it got a little shorter that day.
Not that I'm advocating getting stoned - like everything else, whether you indulge or not is something you must work out for yourself, and preferably having read up about it beforehand. Anyway, I went for fish and chips afterwards and really enjoyed them, sitting on my sofa in my relaxed state...and then going to bed. I was told I'd probably sleep well that night, but I can't say it was that good - but maybe that was due to all the coffee I'd drank that afternoon. Well, that's always been my drug of choice, hasn't it??
By 'eck, I'm glad my "real-life" friends and family don't know I write this :)
BLACK SABBATH - SWEET LEAF
(from the album "Master Of Reality", 1971)
So, let's spool back to Monday, and something which I would have blogged about by now were it not for being busy at work and having the emo stuff to write about (long term readers will notice I have a strict policy of one entry per day max, so things have been bunching up a bit...)
Anyway, after work on Monday I headed out to my mate Caffeinehead's house. He's another sensible guy who keeps the Apple Mac faith (I know we get bad press for coming over all smug and fanboy-like, but I'm not like that really, not much...) but he's not exactly computer-literate so sometimes I have to pop over and make sure he's managing OK. And to be honest, sometimes that's a bit of a drag - but I'd not been round for ages and I thought it would be nice to pay him a visit.
Well, it seems he'd bought something new - something a little lower-tech, which he brought out when another of his friends came over. Now, I've "inhaled" in the past, to quote the 42nd American president, but I've never seen an actual bong in use before, so I was quite interested in it - I was intrigued as to how it worked, and what the experience was like. Caffeinehead and his mate were trying the thing out while I was doing stuff on his Mac, and to be honest I think I was getting a little "floaty" just by being in the same room as them due to the second-hand smoke, and I said so. Which lead to me being asked a question which secretly I hoped would be asked - "do you want to have a go?" Shyly, I said "mmm...ok...."
And so I indulged in something which I haven't done since 1995...and, I shall be honest, I actually enjoyed it :) It just seemed right at the time...but I should point out it's not something I shall be making a habit of (my mind's rather screwed up already, thanks, without adding stuff like that to the equation. Plus, I'm rather vehemently anti-smoking and have been ever since I watched Groupie's mum die of lung cancer in 2007) But it was another new experience for me - something I can say I've done. I always say to people "when you're old and in that nursing home, you're going to look back on your life and think of things you haven't done which you wish you had. I would like that list to be as short as possible" and I guess it got a little shorter that day.
Not that I'm advocating getting stoned - like everything else, whether you indulge or not is something you must work out for yourself, and preferably having read up about it beforehand. Anyway, I went for fish and chips afterwards and really enjoyed them, sitting on my sofa in my relaxed state...and then going to bed. I was told I'd probably sleep well that night, but I can't say it was that good - but maybe that was due to all the coffee I'd drank that afternoon. Well, that's always been my drug of choice, hasn't it??
By 'eck, I'm glad my "real-life" friends and family don't know I write this :)
BLACK SABBATH - SWEET LEAF
(from the album "Master Of Reality", 1971)
2009-01-22
Four On The Floor
And that's not a drumming reference...the four in question are myself, Groupie, and two of my internet friends, and the reason we're on the floor is that we're all having rather a bad time at the moment due to various things. Some of us are having a much worse time than others it's true, but all four of us are feeling a bit blue right now, even though we have our various projects and things to look forward to. Not the finest start to the new year, is it?
Poor Groupie is probably the lowest of our unhappy quartet...she came round to mine last night feeling really sad and emotional. She'd been having black thoughts - really black thoughts - and felt like everything was getting on top of her, that nobody cared about her and that she had nothing to look forward to in life. I hugged her and tried to reassure her that everything would be all right, and that things weren't as bad as all that, but it was hard...I'd get her feeling OK and then some seemingly innocuous remark would set her off again. I felt really emotionally drained by the end of the night, but I did make her feel a little calmer and happier. I really hope she feels better soon - seriously.
The two internet friends of mine (and they know who they are - oh man, do they ever...) aren't feeling nearly as bad as all that but they are both in a rather sad state at the moment. I won't go into massive details here - firstly, I respect their privacy, and secondly they both have blogs of their own and can easily speak for themselves on the subject if they feel the need. I have told them both privately that I'm thinking of them, and I hope they're both feeling happier really soon. I do care about them, you know - they've been there for me in the past, and I think they're both great. I'm sure they won't mind me saying that...
And what about the alien amongst you? Well, I'm a little worried about myself at the moment. My nose has spontaneously started bleeding twice in the last couple of days - the first time was at work, and I was sitting with a rolled up tissue stuck up my nose. When someone asked what the hell that was for, I snapped back "leave me alone, it's my time of the month" - showing I still had my weird sense of humour at least. After I'd seen Groupie home last night (and almost got attacked by a mad dog in my street on the way back) it started bleeding again, heavier this time...and at work this morning I was occasionally feeling a bit faint and felt like it was going to come on again. Hopefully this won't be a regular occurrence - never mind every month - as I'd rather like to keep my blood where it is, thanks...
I must admit I've also been having some sad thoughts while I've been out on my round - it's good that I'm not stuck in an office all day long, which means I can work through my thoughts without too much distractions - and that helps. It has been rather hard going this week, but I'm getting through it. I suppose listening to certain playlists isn't exactly doing me any good - and neither does the fact that I've been thinking about a certain someone a lot recently - someone I feel I really should not be thinking about like that (and no, I'm not going to mention who *blush*). I've no idea why I'm doing this to myself - well, actually I do, the thoughts are really sweet and the music is lovely, if sad. I guess I can't help what I like...
Thankfully I have managed to talk myself out of the track I was going to use for today's entry, which is getting a lot of play on my iPhone at the moment - I don't want to bring everyone else down with me!!! So, here's an alternative - the lyrics seem rather appropriate right now. It'll get better soon though - I'm sure of it.
As for tonight, well Zaphod's Bar has been restocked, and I'm not working tomorrow (although I do have some really important stuff to do with Groupie then) so I'm just going to chill out, relax, and think happy thoughts...
PILOT - JANUARY
(from the album "Second Flight", 1975)
Poor Groupie is probably the lowest of our unhappy quartet...she came round to mine last night feeling really sad and emotional. She'd been having black thoughts - really black thoughts - and felt like everything was getting on top of her, that nobody cared about her and that she had nothing to look forward to in life. I hugged her and tried to reassure her that everything would be all right, and that things weren't as bad as all that, but it was hard...I'd get her feeling OK and then some seemingly innocuous remark would set her off again. I felt really emotionally drained by the end of the night, but I did make her feel a little calmer and happier. I really hope she feels better soon - seriously.
The two internet friends of mine (and they know who they are - oh man, do they ever...) aren't feeling nearly as bad as all that but they are both in a rather sad state at the moment. I won't go into massive details here - firstly, I respect their privacy, and secondly they both have blogs of their own and can easily speak for themselves on the subject if they feel the need. I have told them both privately that I'm thinking of them, and I hope they're both feeling happier really soon. I do care about them, you know - they've been there for me in the past, and I think they're both great. I'm sure they won't mind me saying that...
And what about the alien amongst you? Well, I'm a little worried about myself at the moment. My nose has spontaneously started bleeding twice in the last couple of days - the first time was at work, and I was sitting with a rolled up tissue stuck up my nose. When someone asked what the hell that was for, I snapped back "leave me alone, it's my time of the month" - showing I still had my weird sense of humour at least. After I'd seen Groupie home last night (and almost got attacked by a mad dog in my street on the way back) it started bleeding again, heavier this time...and at work this morning I was occasionally feeling a bit faint and felt like it was going to come on again. Hopefully this won't be a regular occurrence - never mind every month - as I'd rather like to keep my blood where it is, thanks...
I must admit I've also been having some sad thoughts while I've been out on my round - it's good that I'm not stuck in an office all day long, which means I can work through my thoughts without too much distractions - and that helps. It has been rather hard going this week, but I'm getting through it. I suppose listening to certain playlists isn't exactly doing me any good - and neither does the fact that I've been thinking about a certain someone a lot recently - someone I feel I really should not be thinking about like that (and no, I'm not going to mention who *blush*). I've no idea why I'm doing this to myself - well, actually I do, the thoughts are really sweet and the music is lovely, if sad. I guess I can't help what I like...
Thankfully I have managed to talk myself out of the track I was going to use for today's entry, which is getting a lot of play on my iPhone at the moment - I don't want to bring everyone else down with me!!! So, here's an alternative - the lyrics seem rather appropriate right now. It'll get better soon though - I'm sure of it.
As for tonight, well Zaphod's Bar has been restocked, and I'm not working tomorrow (although I do have some really important stuff to do with Groupie then) so I'm just going to chill out, relax, and think happy thoughts...
PILOT - JANUARY
(from the album "Second Flight", 1975)
2009-01-20
A 21-Year Old Mystery
This entry is a long and rambling one, even by my standards. My apologies to you all, hopefully you'll be able to stick with it. It concerns something that actually happened twenty-one years ago today, but I still remember it as if it were yesterday, and I think I always will. I've not told many people about it, because I just don't think they'd understand, but here I feel safe enough to talk about it freely.
21 years ago, in January 1988, I was fourteen years old, and looking through my 1988 diary I was busy doing the sort of things teenagers did at the time - swapping (and copying) music cassettes and computer software with my friends (years before filesharing, we must have cost the music and software industries thousands back then) doing my schoolwork, and thinking about the girls who were at school with me - "I've decided to go for it and ask Linda to go out to the cinema with me", which was followed by "Linda says she can't come out with me on Saturday"...ah well, better luck next time eh? The entry for Wednesday, January 20 read "I didn't go to school today - I was ill" but there was a whole lot more to it than that.
During the mid 1980s I was of course in the middle of the bittersweet time that is puberty. Remember those days when you're on an emotional rollercoaster, and getting undressed for bed was a new experience almost every night? I was very aware of my changing body - and mind. That I was growing up, slowly becoming a man, leaving childhood behind - permanently. It was a real reminder to myself that time moves on, and people grow up....they get older....and they die.
It seems silly now - it did to me then too - but I was really scared of dying. I suppose I still am a little, though as I got older I became more sensible and accepting of the reality. Nowadays it's a spur to enjoy my life and try to seize the moment, because I know I only have a certain amount of them. It's also a call to help my friends, and others, in any way I can - because we're all in this together. Back then, though, it was different. Even though I was only 14 and probably had many decades to live, I still was freaked out by it. What was the point of living if it had to end someday? And then what? I started to get panic attacks over it. I'd really let rip when I was alone, but always managed to keep a lid on things when I was at school or with my family. I didn't want anyone else to know about it.
The winter of 1987/88 was the first one I remember when I found myself getting really down and depressed during it. Another diary entry read "Am getting sick of this. I hate this winter, I'll be glad when it's spring. Nothing happened today, dead boring." Sadly, I've had dark thoughts every winter since, but some years have been better than others, sometimes much better. This was the first one though, and they say the first of everything is the worst. Although excited about the year ahead (I'd been invited to a New Year party which was fantastic - lasted virtually all night) I suppose the fact the year had changed from '87 to '88 was another reminder that time was moving on...and the thoughts about dying came back to me - and so did the panic attacks.
On January 19 I had two of them in school (which I managed to keep a lid on) - one during, ironically enough, Religious Studies. We were doing a book in class at that time, sadly I can't remember the title ("Beyond The Cross And The Switchblade" springs to mind but I couldn't be certain) but there was a line in it concering dying - "That's something we all have to face" and that was reverberating around my head as I went to bed that night. "You're gonna die...and that's it...for ever! You could even go to sleep and not wake up...that's scary. It would be like you never lived at all...no, get a grip on yourself. Maybe the school chaplain's right - and if you're good, you'll go to heaven and be there for ever...and ever...and ever - stop, this isn't helping at all!"
I think I was trying to wrap my young mind around the subject of eternity, and it just couldn't cope. Years later I would go on to read mathematics at university, and learn about several famous mathematicians who grappled with the concept of infinity. Some went insane, and I think I can tell why - maybe it's just not something our brains can handle.
The following morning, as I was eating breakfast cereal watching TV, I had another attack - and this time it was serious. I ran into the kitchen where my Mum was, and she obviously knew something was wrong. I didn't want to tell her, but now I had no choice. "Mum - someday I'm going to die...and I don't want to" I said, and then the dam really broke. "I don't want to die!" I cried as the tears came down my face. Mum did what she could to reassure me, telling me it was all right and I wasn't going to die for a long long time yet, but it wasn't cutting any ice with me. Eventually, she told me to go back to bed and try and sleep for a bit. I would feel better after that, and she'd call the school and tell them I was feeling sick or something.
I lay in my bed, still feeling pretty distressed about it all, looking out at the view from my bedroom window. It was an overcast day, and the grey clouds were rolling across the sky above the wood outside our house. And then it happened. And I know this may sound hard to believe, but I swear on my mother's life that this is what I saw.
The clouds stopped moving. Totally. And I saw what looked like another white cloud rising upwards over the wood. Then I looked closer at it - it seemed to be in the shape of an angel. With wings and a halo and everything. It slowly moved up into the sky, towards a break in the cloud cover. Slowly and silently it moved through the break in the clouds until I couldn't see it anymore. Then when it was gone, the clouds started moving again, rolling across the sky like nothing had happened. "What the hell was that?" I thought. Then I noticed I was feeling a lot more peaceful and chilled. I didn't feel distressed anymore. I snuggled up under the blankets and slept for a couple of hours, and when I woke up I felt much better.
To this day I'm not sure what I saw on that morning in 1988. Was it really an angel, telling me I'd be alright and that I was being watched over? Was it a sign from the hereafter telling me death really isn't the end? Was it simply a hallucination generated from my brain as a way to calm down my incredibly distressed mind? The truth is I do not know. I'm not sure I'll ever know.
I'm not exactly a spiritual person - religion is a big and emotive subject and I'm not going to go on about it here, except to say I feel everyone has to work out what they believe by themselves. I guess I've always been agnostic, then and now. But my logical mind believes that there are many things in the universe that we as a species simply do not understand and cannot explain. As history goes on and our collective knowledge base gets broader, we can explain more and more - but there's always some things that defy rational explanation, at least at the time they happen. Perhaps, years from now, when my time finally does come, what happened on January 20, 1988 will be explained to me. Perhaps that's the deal. Maybe then it will all make sense. And I can live with that.
ROBBIE WILLIAMS - ANGELS
(from the album "Life Thru A Lens", 1997)
21 years ago, in January 1988, I was fourteen years old, and looking through my 1988 diary I was busy doing the sort of things teenagers did at the time - swapping (and copying) music cassettes and computer software with my friends (years before filesharing, we must have cost the music and software industries thousands back then) doing my schoolwork, and thinking about the girls who were at school with me - "I've decided to go for it and ask Linda to go out to the cinema with me", which was followed by "Linda says she can't come out with me on Saturday"...ah well, better luck next time eh? The entry for Wednesday, January 20 read "I didn't go to school today - I was ill" but there was a whole lot more to it than that.
During the mid 1980s I was of course in the middle of the bittersweet time that is puberty. Remember those days when you're on an emotional rollercoaster, and getting undressed for bed was a new experience almost every night? I was very aware of my changing body - and mind. That I was growing up, slowly becoming a man, leaving childhood behind - permanently. It was a real reminder to myself that time moves on, and people grow up....they get older....and they die.
It seems silly now - it did to me then too - but I was really scared of dying. I suppose I still am a little, though as I got older I became more sensible and accepting of the reality. Nowadays it's a spur to enjoy my life and try to seize the moment, because I know I only have a certain amount of them. It's also a call to help my friends, and others, in any way I can - because we're all in this together. Back then, though, it was different. Even though I was only 14 and probably had many decades to live, I still was freaked out by it. What was the point of living if it had to end someday? And then what? I started to get panic attacks over it. I'd really let rip when I was alone, but always managed to keep a lid on things when I was at school or with my family. I didn't want anyone else to know about it.
The winter of 1987/88 was the first one I remember when I found myself getting really down and depressed during it. Another diary entry read "Am getting sick of this. I hate this winter, I'll be glad when it's spring. Nothing happened today, dead boring." Sadly, I've had dark thoughts every winter since, but some years have been better than others, sometimes much better. This was the first one though, and they say the first of everything is the worst. Although excited about the year ahead (I'd been invited to a New Year party which was fantastic - lasted virtually all night) I suppose the fact the year had changed from '87 to '88 was another reminder that time was moving on...and the thoughts about dying came back to me - and so did the panic attacks.
On January 19 I had two of them in school (which I managed to keep a lid on) - one during, ironically enough, Religious Studies. We were doing a book in class at that time, sadly I can't remember the title ("Beyond The Cross And The Switchblade" springs to mind but I couldn't be certain) but there was a line in it concering dying - "That's something we all have to face" and that was reverberating around my head as I went to bed that night. "You're gonna die...and that's it...for ever! You could even go to sleep and not wake up...that's scary. It would be like you never lived at all...no, get a grip on yourself. Maybe the school chaplain's right - and if you're good, you'll go to heaven and be there for ever...and ever...and ever - stop, this isn't helping at all!"
I think I was trying to wrap my young mind around the subject of eternity, and it just couldn't cope. Years later I would go on to read mathematics at university, and learn about several famous mathematicians who grappled with the concept of infinity. Some went insane, and I think I can tell why - maybe it's just not something our brains can handle.
The following morning, as I was eating breakfast cereal watching TV, I had another attack - and this time it was serious. I ran into the kitchen where my Mum was, and she obviously knew something was wrong. I didn't want to tell her, but now I had no choice. "Mum - someday I'm going to die...and I don't want to" I said, and then the dam really broke. "I don't want to die!" I cried as the tears came down my face. Mum did what she could to reassure me, telling me it was all right and I wasn't going to die for a long long time yet, but it wasn't cutting any ice with me. Eventually, she told me to go back to bed and try and sleep for a bit. I would feel better after that, and she'd call the school and tell them I was feeling sick or something.
I lay in my bed, still feeling pretty distressed about it all, looking out at the view from my bedroom window. It was an overcast day, and the grey clouds were rolling across the sky above the wood outside our house. And then it happened. And I know this may sound hard to believe, but I swear on my mother's life that this is what I saw.
The clouds stopped moving. Totally. And I saw what looked like another white cloud rising upwards over the wood. Then I looked closer at it - it seemed to be in the shape of an angel. With wings and a halo and everything. It slowly moved up into the sky, towards a break in the cloud cover. Slowly and silently it moved through the break in the clouds until I couldn't see it anymore. Then when it was gone, the clouds started moving again, rolling across the sky like nothing had happened. "What the hell was that?" I thought. Then I noticed I was feeling a lot more peaceful and chilled. I didn't feel distressed anymore. I snuggled up under the blankets and slept for a couple of hours, and when I woke up I felt much better.
To this day I'm not sure what I saw on that morning in 1988. Was it really an angel, telling me I'd be alright and that I was being watched over? Was it a sign from the hereafter telling me death really isn't the end? Was it simply a hallucination generated from my brain as a way to calm down my incredibly distressed mind? The truth is I do not know. I'm not sure I'll ever know.
I'm not exactly a spiritual person - religion is a big and emotive subject and I'm not going to go on about it here, except to say I feel everyone has to work out what they believe by themselves. I guess I've always been agnostic, then and now. But my logical mind believes that there are many things in the universe that we as a species simply do not understand and cannot explain. As history goes on and our collective knowledge base gets broader, we can explain more and more - but there's always some things that defy rational explanation, at least at the time they happen. Perhaps, years from now, when my time finally does come, what happened on January 20, 1988 will be explained to me. Perhaps that's the deal. Maybe then it will all make sense. And I can live with that.
ROBBIE WILLIAMS - ANGELS
(from the album "Life Thru A Lens", 1997)
2009-01-19
Moody Monday Morning
The title says it all really - I had such a nice Sunday night enjoying red wine and waffles (with chocolate - yum!) and just generally chilling out. Today, though, has been anything but chilled. Chilly maybe, but not chilled. Even with the heating on it felt cold at alarm call time this morning. Lovely and warm under my duvet - but not particularly inviting outside of it. I've heard tales about women who put their underwear in the microwave first thing in the morning, and I can see why they would do something like that now...
As usual it was quite peaceful on the way to work (a little light rain, but nothing too bad) but the working day itself wasn't exactly peaceful. The management were shouting the odds at us again at the team meeting this morning...it's the general consensus in the office that the managers (from our immediate superiors on up) don't have a bloomin' clue and they certainly lived up to that billing today. But then, I've always had a bit of a personality clash with my line manager - he's very much all about the rules and regulations, dreaming up new ones whenever he can. I'm more like "I know what's expected of me, and surely as long as the job is done on time and to the required standard, that's all that matters, yeah? How I get there (as long as it's legal, of course) shouldn't matter. So kindly go away and let me get on with my job..." I try to stay out of office politics, but the meeting still put me in a down frame of mind as we did battle with the light bulbs...
...ah yes, the light bulbs. Once again a company in their infinite wisdom has decided to give out free energy saving light bulbs to pretty much the entire population of Scotland. In this case, it's a chain of bingo halls (and the gimmick is some of the bulbs glow green - in which case, you may already have won a new car...) Honestly, we went through this last summer with all the power companies, and then the gas companies....I personally won't have to buy a light bulb till at least 2020 now, and I don't think anyone else will either! They're good pieces of kit though - I have two that literally date back to last century and they're still running. Anyway, after week3 being really easy, week4 looks like being a hard slog - one extreme to the other, eh? I'd prefer a little less wild swings, thanks....just for a change...
It was cold and wet outside, and then I discovered that I'd come out without my wallet or travelcard. I'd have to walk home at the end of the working day. Great. I felt like tweeting "I'm glad it's raining because no-one will see my tears" - I was feeling that bad (male PMS again?) But I managed to get it together and get on with it. I mean, we all have bad days at work occasionally - nothing for it but to get on as best you can in the knowledge that the following day, the scoresheet's blank again - and it may be better.
And hey, it wasn't all bad. Someone brought in cake! A nice surprise, and we've been told to expect more next Monday - yum! And one of my coworkers really made my day with a comment of his. We were discussing the film I saw yesterday, and the conversation moved on to the Batman films. I said I remembered the Adam West/Burt Ward TV series, so I couldn't really watch the Batman movies without thinking of the much camper side of that series. "Really? How old are you" he asked? "Thirty-five" I replied. "Wow! I had no idea you were as old as that - you seemed a lot younger" he said. Now, that really made me smile!! And long may that fact continue!!
It's so nice to get home, get out of those wet clothes and chill out. Unfortunately, I said I'd be going to a mate's house later - so looks like I'll have to brave the elements again shortly. Arrgh...
NEW ORDER - BLUE MONDAY '88
(single released 1988)
As usual it was quite peaceful on the way to work (a little light rain, but nothing too bad) but the working day itself wasn't exactly peaceful. The management were shouting the odds at us again at the team meeting this morning...it's the general consensus in the office that the managers (from our immediate superiors on up) don't have a bloomin' clue and they certainly lived up to that billing today. But then, I've always had a bit of a personality clash with my line manager - he's very much all about the rules and regulations, dreaming up new ones whenever he can. I'm more like "I know what's expected of me, and surely as long as the job is done on time and to the required standard, that's all that matters, yeah? How I get there (as long as it's legal, of course) shouldn't matter. So kindly go away and let me get on with my job..." I try to stay out of office politics, but the meeting still put me in a down frame of mind as we did battle with the light bulbs...
...ah yes, the light bulbs. Once again a company in their infinite wisdom has decided to give out free energy saving light bulbs to pretty much the entire population of Scotland. In this case, it's a chain of bingo halls (and the gimmick is some of the bulbs glow green - in which case, you may already have won a new car...) Honestly, we went through this last summer with all the power companies, and then the gas companies....I personally won't have to buy a light bulb till at least 2020 now, and I don't think anyone else will either! They're good pieces of kit though - I have two that literally date back to last century and they're still running. Anyway, after week3 being really easy, week4 looks like being a hard slog - one extreme to the other, eh? I'd prefer a little less wild swings, thanks....just for a change...
It was cold and wet outside, and then I discovered that I'd come out without my wallet or travelcard. I'd have to walk home at the end of the working day. Great. I felt like tweeting "I'm glad it's raining because no-one will see my tears" - I was feeling that bad (male PMS again?) But I managed to get it together and get on with it. I mean, we all have bad days at work occasionally - nothing for it but to get on as best you can in the knowledge that the following day, the scoresheet's blank again - and it may be better.
And hey, it wasn't all bad. Someone brought in cake! A nice surprise, and we've been told to expect more next Monday - yum! And one of my coworkers really made my day with a comment of his. We were discussing the film I saw yesterday, and the conversation moved on to the Batman films. I said I remembered the Adam West/Burt Ward TV series, so I couldn't really watch the Batman movies without thinking of the much camper side of that series. "Really? How old are you" he asked? "Thirty-five" I replied. "Wow! I had no idea you were as old as that - you seemed a lot younger" he said. Now, that really made me smile!! And long may that fact continue!!
It's so nice to get home, get out of those wet clothes and chill out. Unfortunately, I said I'd be going to a mate's house later - so looks like I'll have to brave the elements again shortly. Arrgh...
NEW ORDER - BLUE MONDAY '88
(single released 1988)
2009-01-18
Three Dimensional Thrills
I supposed I've still got the desire to hibernate a little - or maybe it was the really wild weather that we had last night into this morning. In any event, it was nice to just lounge around last night enjoying a little red wine (yeah, a little - I have some restraint, y'know. Sometimes!) catching up on some people's blogs (both old favourites and new attractions) and listening to the wild wind outside. I could also hear the screams of the occasional girl who had decided to brave the elements and go out clubbing regardless, as the wind tried to blow her over...not for me, thanks.
And today would have been pretty similar - just chilling out, except I had to reluctantly get dressed and go out to see the film "My Bloody Valentine" at the cinema this afternoon. Another good-old fashioned slasher, and you really can't see too many of those in my opinion, but this had a twist - it was in 3D!
Now, there's nothing new about three-dimensional films - we've all seen the pictures of (mainly American) moviegoers with their coloured glasses on dating back to my father's generation. I even remember an experiment with 3D-TV back in the early 1980s - they gave away the glasses with the listings magazines, and they showed a few programmes (including one of those 1950s movies) using the technology (although you could watch the shows perfectly normally, in 2D, if you weren't wearing the glasses)
This time, however, the glasses we were issued with as we went into the theatre weren't coloured at all, in fact they looked just like ordinary cheap plastic sunglasses. But the effect worked wonderfully. We all ducked a little when the killer threw his pick-axe straight at the screen, and let's just say I was struck by how some of the cast really suited the 3D effect...mmmm :)
Ever the inquiring mind, I took my glasses off for an occasional glimpse at the raw footage, trying to work out how it was done, and it appears to be quite simple - two images projected onto the screen at once and some sort of polarizing effect on the glasses so that each eye only sees what it's supposed to. The whole thing reminds me of an exhibition I saw once in Amsterdam which used something similar for the 3D effect. The film would have been unwatchable without them, but once you put them on, everything comes out at you...
The old red-green glasses thing never totally worked with me, because my left eye's a bit defective - always has been, though I've never bothered getting specs because my right eye's totally fine and compensates so my vision is normal. But it does mean I can have problems with seeing in three dimensions (it's probably for the same reason I never got the hang of those "Magic Eye" pics that were all the rage a decade or so ago) There was no problem with this process though, I really enjoyed myself. OK, the storyline wasn't exactly top-notch, but the 3D effects did make up for it, and I'd like to see more such movies in the future.
Oh, and I got to keep the glasses. No idea why - but maybe they'll come in handy for something in the future...
ALICE COOPER - YOU'RE A MOVIE
(from the album "Special Forces", 1981)
And today would have been pretty similar - just chilling out, except I had to reluctantly get dressed and go out to see the film "My Bloody Valentine" at the cinema this afternoon. Another good-old fashioned slasher, and you really can't see too many of those in my opinion, but this had a twist - it was in 3D!
Now, there's nothing new about three-dimensional films - we've all seen the pictures of (mainly American) moviegoers with their coloured glasses on dating back to my father's generation. I even remember an experiment with 3D-TV back in the early 1980s - they gave away the glasses with the listings magazines, and they showed a few programmes (including one of those 1950s movies) using the technology (although you could watch the shows perfectly normally, in 2D, if you weren't wearing the glasses)
This time, however, the glasses we were issued with as we went into the theatre weren't coloured at all, in fact they looked just like ordinary cheap plastic sunglasses. But the effect worked wonderfully. We all ducked a little when the killer threw his pick-axe straight at the screen, and let's just say I was struck by how some of the cast really suited the 3D effect...mmmm :)
Ever the inquiring mind, I took my glasses off for an occasional glimpse at the raw footage, trying to work out how it was done, and it appears to be quite simple - two images projected onto the screen at once and some sort of polarizing effect on the glasses so that each eye only sees what it's supposed to. The whole thing reminds me of an exhibition I saw once in Amsterdam which used something similar for the 3D effect. The film would have been unwatchable without them, but once you put them on, everything comes out at you...
The old red-green glasses thing never totally worked with me, because my left eye's a bit defective - always has been, though I've never bothered getting specs because my right eye's totally fine and compensates so my vision is normal. But it does mean I can have problems with seeing in three dimensions (it's probably for the same reason I never got the hang of those "Magic Eye" pics that were all the rage a decade or so ago) There was no problem with this process though, I really enjoyed myself. OK, the storyline wasn't exactly top-notch, but the 3D effects did make up for it, and I'd like to see more such movies in the future.
Oh, and I got to keep the glasses. No idea why - but maybe they'll come in handy for something in the future...
ALICE COOPER - YOU'RE A MOVIE
(from the album "Special Forces", 1981)
2009-01-17
My Good Deed For The Day
One advantage of having a job where you're out in the field (or actually, out in the streets) for half your working day on your own is you have plenty of time to think - and sometimes I think about whether or not I'll do a blog entry that day, and if so, what will I write in it? Well, today, I had a good idea what to write about, and you would have got me going on about how it's been an easy week up until now, when we appear to be snowed under with energy saving light bulbs. However, something happened unexpectedly today which changed my plans for today's entry completely.
I'd finished work and was catching my ride home (they call it "the metro" or "the overground" but it looks more like buses to me - marketing folk, eh?) While waiting at the stop I looked out across the grass behind me. There's an embankment - about three metres or so - and then a green area between the road and an industrial estate, and I noticed a young woman lying on her back on the green at the bottom of the embankment. "Hmm", I thought, "strange. Not a day for sunbathing at all - must just be chilling out".
Then I saw her roll around a bit with a strange look on her face, and thought "hang on, maybe she's high on something" - sadly, that's a problem in today's urban environment. But there was still something about her that didn't seem right, and which made me keep looking...and then I caught her eye and she started calling out to me, asking for help. So I took my iPhone headset off and made my way down the embankment saying "are you OK, miss?"
She certainly was not OK. She'd been out having a few beers, and was walking home when she fell down the embankment and broke her ankle. That had been half an hour ago, and she'd been lying there ever since. She was clearly in a lot of distress, and worse still she was rolling about trying to get up so she could go home. "Help me up" she kept saying - but there was no way I was gonna do that with her in that condition. I got my iPhone out and called the emergency services for an ambulance.
It didn't take too long for them to arrive - only a few minutes (there's an ambulance station at the start of my round, so it may well have come from there). While waiting for them I kept talking to the girl, who it turned out was called Zoe, trying to calm her down as best I could until help arrived. She kept saying "it's my fault, I'm drunk in the early afternoon and I don't deserve an ambulance" and I kept telling her not to be silly, and to just stay where she was, and that I wasn't going anywhere until the ambulance arrived. "It doesn't matter that you've been drinking" I said, and thinking about it now, it may have been just as well that she had been - it may have deadened the pain a little, though as you can imagine it still hurt like hell.
Anyway, the medical team arrived and quickly set about immobilizing Zoe's leg, while I stayed with her until they were in a position to take her off to hospital. She still was feeling sorry for herself and saying that she just wanted to go home...poor Zoe. I left the ambulance crew with her, and as my bus pulled in I saw them lifting her up and slowly helping her into the ambulance. Hopefully Zoe will make a swift recovery and get back to enjoying her life very soon, and I wish her all the best for the future.
As for me - I need some Pepsi I think, and maybe a snooze - I've got a Eurovision article to write tonight!!
HEATHER SMALL - PROUD
(from the album "Proud", 2000)
I'd finished work and was catching my ride home (they call it "the metro" or "the overground" but it looks more like buses to me - marketing folk, eh?) While waiting at the stop I looked out across the grass behind me. There's an embankment - about three metres or so - and then a green area between the road and an industrial estate, and I noticed a young woman lying on her back on the green at the bottom of the embankment. "Hmm", I thought, "strange. Not a day for sunbathing at all - must just be chilling out".
Then I saw her roll around a bit with a strange look on her face, and thought "hang on, maybe she's high on something" - sadly, that's a problem in today's urban environment. But there was still something about her that didn't seem right, and which made me keep looking...and then I caught her eye and she started calling out to me, asking for help. So I took my iPhone headset off and made my way down the embankment saying "are you OK, miss?"
She certainly was not OK. She'd been out having a few beers, and was walking home when she fell down the embankment and broke her ankle. That had been half an hour ago, and she'd been lying there ever since. She was clearly in a lot of distress, and worse still she was rolling about trying to get up so she could go home. "Help me up" she kept saying - but there was no way I was gonna do that with her in that condition. I got my iPhone out and called the emergency services for an ambulance.
It didn't take too long for them to arrive - only a few minutes (there's an ambulance station at the start of my round, so it may well have come from there). While waiting for them I kept talking to the girl, who it turned out was called Zoe, trying to calm her down as best I could until help arrived. She kept saying "it's my fault, I'm drunk in the early afternoon and I don't deserve an ambulance" and I kept telling her not to be silly, and to just stay where she was, and that I wasn't going anywhere until the ambulance arrived. "It doesn't matter that you've been drinking" I said, and thinking about it now, it may have been just as well that she had been - it may have deadened the pain a little, though as you can imagine it still hurt like hell.
Anyway, the medical team arrived and quickly set about immobilizing Zoe's leg, while I stayed with her until they were in a position to take her off to hospital. She still was feeling sorry for herself and saying that she just wanted to go home...poor Zoe. I left the ambulance crew with her, and as my bus pulled in I saw them lifting her up and slowly helping her into the ambulance. Hopefully Zoe will make a swift recovery and get back to enjoying her life very soon, and I wish her all the best for the future.
As for me - I need some Pepsi I think, and maybe a snooze - I've got a Eurovision article to write tonight!!
HEATHER SMALL - PROUD
(from the album "Proud", 2000)
2009-01-16
Care And Feeding Of Your Groupie
As I've probably said on many occasions, here and elsewhere, I love spending an evening in the company of a pretty woman (or even several - why stop at one?) and I got to indulge in that particular pastime last night thanks to a certain good friend of mine :)
Poor Groupie's not been having the best of times lately. I'd got a text from her earlier in the week saying she'd been to the doctor and they were worried about her blood pressure. It seems it's on the high side, and with her dad having high blood pressure and her late mother having had angina, they're concerned about her. And she's stressing out over it now, which won't exactly help.
She's always been, shall we say, a rather stressful person in my eyes - but then, I think I'm a little too laid back for my own good (last time they checked my blood pressure, it was slightly below normal). But she's certainly had reason to be stressful at the moment, what with looking for work in the middle of a recession. It doesn't help that the job centre stopped her claim by mistake (they thought she'd got a job, which caused a real ruckus the next time she went to sign on...) and then there's the ongoing saga with her favourite band....amongst other things...poor Groupie.
So, I decided, as it was my day off work, that I'd take her out to a favourite haunt of mine. It's not exactly classy - it's a vodka-oriented bar, but they do food as a sideline and it's good stuff... thought she'd appreciate the treat, and she did. We had a great time in amongst the Aberdeen Angus and the Guinness/Bacardi Breezer (see if you can guess who had what - heh heh) chatting about various things and the people in each other's circles. Like me she has some "virtual" friends, but unlike me they're penpals as she doesn't have a computer. As she says "she's just an old-fashioned girl" (usually in an Eartha Kitt type voice)
We also had a laugh about a friend of hers in London, who told her a couple of days back that she didn't get much sleep due to the full moon. Now, Central London's a place where the brightness of the moon surely can't make much of a difference to the ambient light, so we started wondering - why should the phase of the moon have that effect on her? What is she doing out there......? (I've seen films, you know...) Got my iPhone out to check the phase of the moon when I'm in London in a fortnight, and thankfully it won't be full (and I'll not be in W2 anyway - just to be on the safe side, you understand...) And it looks like I won't have to wait long until my next trip away! We talked about going off to Glasgow for a long weekend, which we're going to do in mid-February as I have some time off then as well (a gentleman of leisure, eh?) It's been a while since we went touring together like that, and I think it'll give her something else to look forward to. And I'll enjoy it as well - all this touring (and groupies) makes me feel like a rock star :)
We ended the evening at my place just chilling out by the light of my orb as it fragranced the air with essential oil of Singapore orchid. A really lovely evening. Didn't get to sleep till really late though which meant walking around like Shane McGowan this morning at work...but it was worth it I think :) after all, it's always nice to spend an evening in the company of...well, you get the idea, yeah?
Now - let me just check that moon phase again....
WARREN ZEVON - WEREWOLVES OF LONDON
(from the album "Excitable Boy", 1978)
Poor Groupie's not been having the best of times lately. I'd got a text from her earlier in the week saying she'd been to the doctor and they were worried about her blood pressure. It seems it's on the high side, and with her dad having high blood pressure and her late mother having had angina, they're concerned about her. And she's stressing out over it now, which won't exactly help.
She's always been, shall we say, a rather stressful person in my eyes - but then, I think I'm a little too laid back for my own good (last time they checked my blood pressure, it was slightly below normal). But she's certainly had reason to be stressful at the moment, what with looking for work in the middle of a recession. It doesn't help that the job centre stopped her claim by mistake (they thought she'd got a job, which caused a real ruckus the next time she went to sign on...) and then there's the ongoing saga with her favourite band....amongst other things...poor Groupie.
So, I decided, as it was my day off work, that I'd take her out to a favourite haunt of mine. It's not exactly classy - it's a vodka-oriented bar, but they do food as a sideline and it's good stuff... thought she'd appreciate the treat, and she did. We had a great time in amongst the Aberdeen Angus and the Guinness/Bacardi Breezer (see if you can guess who had what - heh heh) chatting about various things and the people in each other's circles. Like me she has some "virtual" friends, but unlike me they're penpals as she doesn't have a computer. As she says "she's just an old-fashioned girl" (usually in an Eartha Kitt type voice)
We also had a laugh about a friend of hers in London, who told her a couple of days back that she didn't get much sleep due to the full moon. Now, Central London's a place where the brightness of the moon surely can't make much of a difference to the ambient light, so we started wondering - why should the phase of the moon have that effect on her? What is she doing out there......? (I've seen films, you know...) Got my iPhone out to check the phase of the moon when I'm in London in a fortnight, and thankfully it won't be full (and I'll not be in W2 anyway - just to be on the safe side, you understand...) And it looks like I won't have to wait long until my next trip away! We talked about going off to Glasgow for a long weekend, which we're going to do in mid-February as I have some time off then as well (a gentleman of leisure, eh?) It's been a while since we went touring together like that, and I think it'll give her something else to look forward to. And I'll enjoy it as well - all this touring (and groupies) makes me feel like a rock star :)
We ended the evening at my place just chilling out by the light of my orb as it fragranced the air with essential oil of Singapore orchid. A really lovely evening. Didn't get to sleep till really late though which meant walking around like Shane McGowan this morning at work...but it was worth it I think :) after all, it's always nice to spend an evening in the company of...well, you get the idea, yeah?
Now - let me just check that moon phase again....
WARREN ZEVON - WEREWOLVES OF LONDON
(from the album "Excitable Boy", 1978)
2009-01-15
Hitting The Deck
I've been a Twitter user (tweep? twitternaut? what is the word for that?) for quite a while now, and I really enjoy it, having got in contact with quite a few interesting people from all around the world. In the beginning, I used the web interface at www.twitter.com to keep in touch with people, and that still comes in handy sometimes, but for quite a while now I've been using one of the many third party interfaces that there are out there.
If you look on the web, you can see which interface was used for each tweet (web, text message etc.) and I'd noticed the program Tweetdeck showing up a few times. My instrument of choice up to now has been Twitterific, which I use on both my Mac and my iPhone, and generally I'm satisfied with it, but I thought I'd like to see what this Tweetdeck thing was all about, so I downloaded that and have been road testing it.
The interesting thing about Tweetdeck is the ability to put your followers into "groups". Now, I've only following 35 at the moment, so I'm not exactly snowed under with incoming tweets - and that's one of the reasons why I've been keeping it at 35, because I'm one of those people who likes to read every tweet that comes in. I'm not sure what the limit of that would be, but I know it's probably in the double figures - no way I could do that if I was in the hundreds. But even with just 35, I still find myself playing favourites with people. Some people's updates are more important to me than others (not wishing to denigrate anyone, it's just human nature) Plus, I have a couple of newswires I follow, and when there's a major story breaking they tend to crowd out everyone else. Twitterific just has all the incoming tweets in one timeline, in order, but with Tweetdeck you can have multiple groups and assign different people to different groups.
So I made one with my favourite followers (and I'm pretty sure the people in question who are on that list will know they're on it). I made another one with the rest of my "mutual" followers on it - those people I'm following who are also following me - and incidentally, I think that stat should be one of the figures tracked in Twitter. It's all very well knowing I follow 35 and have 40 following me, but I'm more interested in how many people are on both lists - there's clearly some shared interest between us if someone's mutually following me and I'd like to know how many there are at a glance without manually wading through the lists. Finally, I put the "corporate" folks - such as the newswires - in a third group. Obviously I'm still getting used to having multiple "timelines" of tweets but I think the concept works well, and I'll probably refine it a little more as I get used to Tweetdeck.
Another thing you can do is set up a "search" timeline, a sort of live Twitter version of Google, which I'm also experimenting with. I can type in something I'm interested in, such as "aliens" and any tweet with that word in it will find it's way to that column. This could be great for seeking out new contacts that I'm genuinely interested in, rather than the hit-and-miss methods I've been using in the past. I could see myself tracking interesting memes or adding more people in this way - and the amount I follow wouldn't matter so much as I can use my system of groups to concentrate on those who I'm most interested in, and maybe browse through the rest on an occasional basis.
So, I think I'll keep using Tweetdeck and experiment with it a little more. Getting used to the new interface will be a bit of a hassle for a while though - and unlike Twitterific it doesn't work with Growl, which is a shame. I'd set things up with Twitterific and Growl so that if someone replied to me or DMed me, I'd get a different notification sound than if it was a "regular" tweet. I have the sound to the Mac piped to my stereo rather than my TV, so if I was watching TV full-screen and I heard that sound, I knew there was a message for me waiting (and could maybe switch over to the Mac display during the commercials) Tweetdeck has it's own notification sounds and they're all the same, so not as good for me :( But hey, everything has pluses and minuses - and I've still got Twitterific so maybe I could switch to that when I've got the TV running - it's just a couple of clicks after all.
See you on Twitter, yeah?
ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES IN THE DARK - MESSAGES
(from the album "Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark", 1980)
If you look on the web, you can see which interface was used for each tweet (web, text message etc.) and I'd noticed the program Tweetdeck showing up a few times. My instrument of choice up to now has been Twitterific, which I use on both my Mac and my iPhone, and generally I'm satisfied with it, but I thought I'd like to see what this Tweetdeck thing was all about, so I downloaded that and have been road testing it.
The interesting thing about Tweetdeck is the ability to put your followers into "groups". Now, I've only following 35 at the moment, so I'm not exactly snowed under with incoming tweets - and that's one of the reasons why I've been keeping it at 35, because I'm one of those people who likes to read every tweet that comes in. I'm not sure what the limit of that would be, but I know it's probably in the double figures - no way I could do that if I was in the hundreds. But even with just 35, I still find myself playing favourites with people. Some people's updates are more important to me than others (not wishing to denigrate anyone, it's just human nature) Plus, I have a couple of newswires I follow, and when there's a major story breaking they tend to crowd out everyone else. Twitterific just has all the incoming tweets in one timeline, in order, but with Tweetdeck you can have multiple groups and assign different people to different groups.
So I made one with my favourite followers (and I'm pretty sure the people in question who are on that list will know they're on it). I made another one with the rest of my "mutual" followers on it - those people I'm following who are also following me - and incidentally, I think that stat should be one of the figures tracked in Twitter. It's all very well knowing I follow 35 and have 40 following me, but I'm more interested in how many people are on both lists - there's clearly some shared interest between us if someone's mutually following me and I'd like to know how many there are at a glance without manually wading through the lists. Finally, I put the "corporate" folks - such as the newswires - in a third group. Obviously I'm still getting used to having multiple "timelines" of tweets but I think the concept works well, and I'll probably refine it a little more as I get used to Tweetdeck.
Another thing you can do is set up a "search" timeline, a sort of live Twitter version of Google, which I'm also experimenting with. I can type in something I'm interested in, such as "aliens" and any tweet with that word in it will find it's way to that column. This could be great for seeking out new contacts that I'm genuinely interested in, rather than the hit-and-miss methods I've been using in the past. I could see myself tracking interesting memes or adding more people in this way - and the amount I follow wouldn't matter so much as I can use my system of groups to concentrate on those who I'm most interested in, and maybe browse through the rest on an occasional basis.
So, I think I'll keep using Tweetdeck and experiment with it a little more. Getting used to the new interface will be a bit of a hassle for a while though - and unlike Twitterific it doesn't work with Growl, which is a shame. I'd set things up with Twitterific and Growl so that if someone replied to me or DMed me, I'd get a different notification sound than if it was a "regular" tweet. I have the sound to the Mac piped to my stereo rather than my TV, so if I was watching TV full-screen and I heard that sound, I knew there was a message for me waiting (and could maybe switch over to the Mac display during the commercials) Tweetdeck has it's own notification sounds and they're all the same, so not as good for me :( But hey, everything has pluses and minuses - and I've still got Twitterific so maybe I could switch to that when I've got the TV running - it's just a couple of clicks after all.
See you on Twitter, yeah?
ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES IN THE DARK - MESSAGES
(from the album "Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark", 1980)
2009-01-14
Giving It Some Needle...
Well, this is the 14th, so we're officially two weeks (or half a moon) into 2009, and I've got that happy feeling back. I did say it was gonna be a good year, and I'm feeling that way again. Need to get started on clearing out the old stuff from my life (starting with the wardrobe - seriously, Groupie said to me last time we met "that T-shirt's for the recycling bin, isn't it? I mean, you had that when we met, didn't you?" Given that was in 1996, she may have a point, although I was only wearing it as a PJ substitute...honest, m'lud!)
I have noticed that the females in my life seem to have a fascination with tattoos at the moment. One of my friends has several designs already etched onto her body, another is planning to get her first when she's on holiday Stateside in a couple of weeks, and a third is thinking about celebrating her birthday with getting inked (it's a milestone birthday for her - and no, I'm not gonna say which milestone. I'm far too nice for that, heh heh)
And so the question arises - why don't I? Well, I can think of a fairly good reason - once it's on you, it's on you for life, and being the typical Gemini I'm not sure I'm altogether happy with that. I mean, this is a guy who raved about when automatically changing the desktop picture was built into Mac OS as standard (wallpaper is for your house, don'tcha know...) so I doubt I could commit to a single design for life like that... I mean, I have managed to think of two designs which I could possibly get, which are the twelve stars in the European flag (possibly with the euro sign in the middle) or the Apple logo (maybe with the candy stripes it used to have) - but who says I'll feel that way in 2010, never mind 2040?
Groupie's the same, although she is a great fan of temporary tattoos - she's got applying them down to a fine art, to the extent that some people think they're real! I well remember her getting a barcode design put on her upper arm (I have some great pics of her walking around Amsterdam showing it off) and she's fooled a few people at rock concerts in the past. I used to use them too, though I'm not as good with them as she is!
I love "cyberpunk" science fiction - the likes of William Gibson et al - always have, and I've love the technology that's mentioned in some of those books & movies. One of which is the idea of "smart" tattoos - that can be reprogrammed almost at will! Imagine the idea, for example, of a time display embedded in your wrist, so you don't need to wear a watch anymore (I've seen T-shirts with stuff like that on sale in London) or maybe a stylish tattoo that you can hide during working hours and bring out again when you're clubbing it? With colours that can change to match tonight's outfit! All with the touch of a few buttons and maybe an interface with your brain. And you could extend it to your hair colour for example - I know I and several of my friends would love that idea, even though it would put the hair dye market out of business...
But then, you have to bear in mind I would change my gender on a regular basis if I could (despite the doubling - at least - of wardrobe space that would cause) and I think that shows why getting a tattoo would not be a good idea for me. However, I hope a couple of ladies will tell me a couple of interesting stories in the not too distant future...and I'm sure they'll look lovely on you both :)
DAVID BOWIE - CHANGES
(from the album "Hunky Dory", 1971)
I have noticed that the females in my life seem to have a fascination with tattoos at the moment. One of my friends has several designs already etched onto her body, another is planning to get her first when she's on holiday Stateside in a couple of weeks, and a third is thinking about celebrating her birthday with getting inked (it's a milestone birthday for her - and no, I'm not gonna say which milestone. I'm far too nice for that, heh heh)
And so the question arises - why don't I? Well, I can think of a fairly good reason - once it's on you, it's on you for life, and being the typical Gemini I'm not sure I'm altogether happy with that. I mean, this is a guy who raved about when automatically changing the desktop picture was built into Mac OS as standard (wallpaper is for your house, don'tcha know...) so I doubt I could commit to a single design for life like that... I mean, I have managed to think of two designs which I could possibly get, which are the twelve stars in the European flag (possibly with the euro sign in the middle) or the Apple logo (maybe with the candy stripes it used to have) - but who says I'll feel that way in 2010, never mind 2040?
Groupie's the same, although she is a great fan of temporary tattoos - she's got applying them down to a fine art, to the extent that some people think they're real! I well remember her getting a barcode design put on her upper arm (I have some great pics of her walking around Amsterdam showing it off) and she's fooled a few people at rock concerts in the past. I used to use them too, though I'm not as good with them as she is!
I love "cyberpunk" science fiction - the likes of William Gibson et al - always have, and I've love the technology that's mentioned in some of those books & movies. One of which is the idea of "smart" tattoos - that can be reprogrammed almost at will! Imagine the idea, for example, of a time display embedded in your wrist, so you don't need to wear a watch anymore (I've seen T-shirts with stuff like that on sale in London) or maybe a stylish tattoo that you can hide during working hours and bring out again when you're clubbing it? With colours that can change to match tonight's outfit! All with the touch of a few buttons and maybe an interface with your brain. And you could extend it to your hair colour for example - I know I and several of my friends would love that idea, even though it would put the hair dye market out of business...
But then, you have to bear in mind I would change my gender on a regular basis if I could (despite the doubling - at least - of wardrobe space that would cause) and I think that shows why getting a tattoo would not be a good idea for me. However, I hope a couple of ladies will tell me a couple of interesting stories in the not too distant future...and I'm sure they'll look lovely on you both :)
DAVID BOWIE - CHANGES
(from the album "Hunky Dory", 1971)
2009-01-13
Friends Will Be Friends
It is possible, in this twenty first century, to develop quite intense friendships with people you've never actually met. Physically, at least. But with the advent of social networking, the physical no longer matters. Which is just as well for me right now.
I mean, it's not exactly a secret that I've not been having a happy time of things at the moment, but my contacts with people over the internet have helped tremendously. When the nights get long and the temperature drops, I have a tendency to close in on myself and become less, for want of a better word, "sociable". Thankfully my family and close real-world friends such as GroupieGirl understand this and make allowances. I also find I go into hibernation mode, as I mentioned yesterday. I've been like this for twenty one years, so they know it's only a temporary thing - but I still don't like it much, and coming on the heels of getting ill either side of New Year, and my girl troubles (now thankfully resolved for the moment at least), it's not been good...
I was thinking about a certain person I've been chatting to for a few months on various net services and saying to myself that even though I've never met this person, I feel I could tell her anything, in much the same way I feel I could tell Groupie anything. I know that she's concerned about me and that she cares about me, and I feel the same way about her. The fact we've never met has nothing to do with it - we're in contact with each other most days of the week via the net, and I wish her all the best. She's also had a less than stellar start to 2009, but it looks like it's turning round for her (as I always knew it would, heh heh) and I'm really happy for her.
And so it came to pass that I was listening to this track and particularly the lines in the chorus: "when you're through with life and all hope is lost, hold out your hand 'cos friends will be friends, right till the end". And I thought, yeah, it's true. And in this brave new world, they don't have to be "physical" ones. Sometimes all it takes is some kind words of support, or some insight into your situation from a different point of view - and you don't need to be in the same physical location as someone else to offer that. The stereotype of some sad old duffer spending all his time typing away on a computer in his basement instead of going outside and talking to real people provides a lot of comic relief - but real life ain't like that anymore.
I'm glad I've got my "internet" friends. I'm glad I've got my "real" friends. I'm not making a distinction between the two anymore - they're all my friends, it's just some of them I don't see walking down the street on a regular basis. And I feel lucky to have them - all of them - in my life.
QUEEN - FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS
(from the album "A Kind Of Magic", 1986)
I mean, it's not exactly a secret that I've not been having a happy time of things at the moment, but my contacts with people over the internet have helped tremendously. When the nights get long and the temperature drops, I have a tendency to close in on myself and become less, for want of a better word, "sociable". Thankfully my family and close real-world friends such as GroupieGirl understand this and make allowances. I also find I go into hibernation mode, as I mentioned yesterday. I've been like this for twenty one years, so they know it's only a temporary thing - but I still don't like it much, and coming on the heels of getting ill either side of New Year, and my girl troubles (now thankfully resolved for the moment at least), it's not been good...
I was thinking about a certain person I've been chatting to for a few months on various net services and saying to myself that even though I've never met this person, I feel I could tell her anything, in much the same way I feel I could tell Groupie anything. I know that she's concerned about me and that she cares about me, and I feel the same way about her. The fact we've never met has nothing to do with it - we're in contact with each other most days of the week via the net, and I wish her all the best. She's also had a less than stellar start to 2009, but it looks like it's turning round for her (as I always knew it would, heh heh) and I'm really happy for her.
And so it came to pass that I was listening to this track and particularly the lines in the chorus: "when you're through with life and all hope is lost, hold out your hand 'cos friends will be friends, right till the end". And I thought, yeah, it's true. And in this brave new world, they don't have to be "physical" ones. Sometimes all it takes is some kind words of support, or some insight into your situation from a different point of view - and you don't need to be in the same physical location as someone else to offer that. The stereotype of some sad old duffer spending all his time typing away on a computer in his basement instead of going outside and talking to real people provides a lot of comic relief - but real life ain't like that anymore.
I'm glad I've got my "internet" friends. I'm glad I've got my "real" friends. I'm not making a distinction between the two anymore - they're all my friends, it's just some of them I don't see walking down the street on a regular basis. And I feel lucky to have them - all of them - in my life.
QUEEN - FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS
(from the album "A Kind Of Magic", 1986)
2009-01-12
Hibernation Station
The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that I've not written anything here for a while. Did you miss me? (Whaddaya mean, "no?" Well, thanks a bunch, I must say...)
Having fought off the bad bugs, pretty much, I've been sleeping. A lot. Probably too much, to be honest. I do tend to sleep more at this time of the year, maybe it's the lack of sunlight. All I've wanted to do when I get home from work is snuggle up under my new duvet cover with the golden chains on it and snooze. Sunday in particular was a day of rest in more ways than one.
And...I will admit to having had some really black thoughts. In fact I wrote a blog post about it which I ended up not publishing because it was a little too black and started scaring even me. Let's just say Metallica's "One" was the track at the end and you can work it back from there. But I decided not to publish it, as it seemed a little pointless - as did everything else to be honest, the entire concept of Twittering etc. included.
Listening to lots of stuff from the likes of the Rasmus and HIM went well with the mood, as did the weather, particularly on Saturday when it was really overcast with an icy wind blowing. I looked outside at the bare trees in the dim light while listening to Lauri Ylonen (oh yes....) singing sadly and thought it was a really nice combination. OK, black and moody, but sometimes you need some black in your life to throw the bright white moments in contrast and make them shine all the more.
Then there was the dream I had, which combines the last three paragraphs I think :) I dreamed I was with Lauri, or a boy quite like him, in a bedroom perhaps in his native Finland. But I wasn't me - I was a girl, with long black hair. I looked a little like Bjork, and I wore a flowery minidress and a pair of jeans under it. A vast improvement on the real thing! Lauri and I were looking out the window at the bleak landscape outside, and he felt really sad. I was holding on to him from behind, occasionally wiping a tear from his cheek and whispering to him that everything would be all right...a strange, but quite lovely dream.
Anyway, now I seem to have returned to normal. It's the start of week 3, and I'm putting the previous week of feeling ill and depressed behind me. It's just bad luck that it happened at the start of the year like that. But I'm not going to let it colour the rest of the year - this is only week 3 after all. Hopefully the people who I care about (and they know who they are) who also had a pretty bad start to 2009 will feel the same. It's rather like a poker game - just because you have bad cards in the first deal of the tournament, and maybe even lose some chips in a bad beat, doesn't mean you just write the thing off and play the next hand recklessly. Or maybe it's like a backgammon game (something I'd like to play more of, better, in 2009) and I've just had a bad opening roll. No matter, I can still go on to win. The game has just begun. Besides, I'm reminded of years like 1991 (which started great and turned out to be one of the worst of my life) as well as years like 1994 (a bad start which became one of the best years of my life).
Today's track has a special meaning, and is a message to those who did worry about me (in various channels) When the Daily Mail newspaper started a campaign against the band My Chemical Romance, calling it some sort of a "teen suicide cult" band, lots of young fans went to their offices to protest. A lot of them held placards with a lyric from this song, "I am not afraid to go on living". I just want to assure certain people (again, they know who they are) that if I was going to do away with myself, it would have already happened - years ago. It doesn't matter how pointless I may think life is right now, I am not afraid to go on living, and I shall. Just so you know, yeah?
I'll try not to leave it so long next time...
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE - FAMOUS LAST WORDS
(from the album "The Black Parade", 2006)
Having fought off the bad bugs, pretty much, I've been sleeping. A lot. Probably too much, to be honest. I do tend to sleep more at this time of the year, maybe it's the lack of sunlight. All I've wanted to do when I get home from work is snuggle up under my new duvet cover with the golden chains on it and snooze. Sunday in particular was a day of rest in more ways than one.
And...I will admit to having had some really black thoughts. In fact I wrote a blog post about it which I ended up not publishing because it was a little too black and started scaring even me. Let's just say Metallica's "One" was the track at the end and you can work it back from there. But I decided not to publish it, as it seemed a little pointless - as did everything else to be honest, the entire concept of Twittering etc. included.
Listening to lots of stuff from the likes of the Rasmus and HIM went well with the mood, as did the weather, particularly on Saturday when it was really overcast with an icy wind blowing. I looked outside at the bare trees in the dim light while listening to Lauri Ylonen (oh yes....) singing sadly and thought it was a really nice combination. OK, black and moody, but sometimes you need some black in your life to throw the bright white moments in contrast and make them shine all the more.
Then there was the dream I had, which combines the last three paragraphs I think :) I dreamed I was with Lauri, or a boy quite like him, in a bedroom perhaps in his native Finland. But I wasn't me - I was a girl, with long black hair. I looked a little like Bjork, and I wore a flowery minidress and a pair of jeans under it. A vast improvement on the real thing! Lauri and I were looking out the window at the bleak landscape outside, and he felt really sad. I was holding on to him from behind, occasionally wiping a tear from his cheek and whispering to him that everything would be all right...a strange, but quite lovely dream.
Anyway, now I seem to have returned to normal. It's the start of week 3, and I'm putting the previous week of feeling ill and depressed behind me. It's just bad luck that it happened at the start of the year like that. But I'm not going to let it colour the rest of the year - this is only week 3 after all. Hopefully the people who I care about (and they know who they are) who also had a pretty bad start to 2009 will feel the same. It's rather like a poker game - just because you have bad cards in the first deal of the tournament, and maybe even lose some chips in a bad beat, doesn't mean you just write the thing off and play the next hand recklessly. Or maybe it's like a backgammon game (something I'd like to play more of, better, in 2009) and I've just had a bad opening roll. No matter, I can still go on to win. The game has just begun. Besides, I'm reminded of years like 1991 (which started great and turned out to be one of the worst of my life) as well as years like 1994 (a bad start which became one of the best years of my life).
Today's track has a special meaning, and is a message to those who did worry about me (in various channels) When the Daily Mail newspaper started a campaign against the band My Chemical Romance, calling it some sort of a "teen suicide cult" band, lots of young fans went to their offices to protest. A lot of them held placards with a lyric from this song, "I am not afraid to go on living". I just want to assure certain people (again, they know who they are) that if I was going to do away with myself, it would have already happened - years ago. It doesn't matter how pointless I may think life is right now, I am not afraid to go on living, and I shall. Just so you know, yeah?
I'll try not to leave it so long next time...
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE - FAMOUS LAST WORDS
(from the album "The Black Parade", 2006)
2009-01-08
The Show Must Go On
So, I appear to have got the upper hand in the battle of the bugs. This is a good thing. OK, I'm still a bit congested, but I'm managing to make the rounds at work without feeling too tired afterwards, and I don't just want to crash out on my bed all the time - well, no more than is usual for a January :( I can get back to where I was at the end of 2008 - that is, trying to enjoy life and getting the most out of this (still fairly) new year.
And maybe that's just as well, as that'll keep the black demons from my door. Maybe it's just cabin fever having spent 36 hours straight in my little house, or maybe it's my brain reacting to all the paracetamol and sleep - or maybe it's just winter blues again. Whatever it is, it's not good. Because of all the sleep I had yesterday, I was awake really early this morning, and around 04.30 was lying awake on my bed thinking over things. And the thoughts soon turned rather black, and could be summed up as "oh zog, what is the bloody point? Of anything?" I felt really nihilistic, like everything was pointless, and all I had to look forward to was dying and being forgotten. Not nice thoughts at all, and they stayed with me in the background all day.
And I would have gone on about this at greater length here, were it not for a blog post from an online friend of mine. She's just found out her mortgage payment has bounced and there's no cash on hand to pay it. This is the first time in her life she's missed a payment on the mortgage and she is in bits about it right now. I read it, and I felt for the poor gal. And I said to myself, "Zaphod, how dare you sit there and go on about how black things are? When there are people close by with worse problems? At least you've got the money in the bank to pay the rent. At least you've got a paycheck to look forward to this Friday. Pull yourself together, for zog's sake!"
Sometimes it takes something like that to shake yourself out of a black mood. I'm still feeling pretty down but nothing compared to her, and I sincerely hope that her problems are resolved in very short order. My thoughts are with her.
It's become customary here to put a YouTube track at the end of each entry. Today's choice seems particularly appropriate, for both of us. In 1991, when this was a hit, I was living in a flat with my then girlfriend who I'd ran away from home to be with. Times were hard - it was during the last recession - I was finding it difficult to get a job and by this time the money was running out. This song got a lot of play on the radio at the time, and used to get me crying - and fired me up to keep going, whatever life threw at me.
What we all didn't know at the time, of course, was that Freddie Mercury was very seriously ill, but he was keeping his condition secret from the public. He was also conscious of the fact that he did not have long to live, and had told the band that he wanted to give them as much material as possible for as long as he could. The story goes that to the surprise of Brian May, who didn't think he'd be capable of singing this, he recorded the vocals for this track in one take (after downing a shot of vodka) and this speaks volumes about the respect I have for Freddie. A man literally at death's door determined to keep the fans entertained until the last possible moment. Surely an inspiration to us all. That is why even after 18 years this song still makes me cry - and I dedicate it to anyone reading this who is going through problems, of any sort. Be brave, face your demons and go on with the show as best you can. It's not easy, but it is the only way to go, isn't it?
QUEEN - THE SHOW MUST GO ON
(from the album "Innuendo", 1991)
And maybe that's just as well, as that'll keep the black demons from my door. Maybe it's just cabin fever having spent 36 hours straight in my little house, or maybe it's my brain reacting to all the paracetamol and sleep - or maybe it's just winter blues again. Whatever it is, it's not good. Because of all the sleep I had yesterday, I was awake really early this morning, and around 04.30 was lying awake on my bed thinking over things. And the thoughts soon turned rather black, and could be summed up as "oh zog, what is the bloody point? Of anything?" I felt really nihilistic, like everything was pointless, and all I had to look forward to was dying and being forgotten. Not nice thoughts at all, and they stayed with me in the background all day.
And I would have gone on about this at greater length here, were it not for a blog post from an online friend of mine. She's just found out her mortgage payment has bounced and there's no cash on hand to pay it. This is the first time in her life she's missed a payment on the mortgage and she is in bits about it right now. I read it, and I felt for the poor gal. And I said to myself, "Zaphod, how dare you sit there and go on about how black things are? When there are people close by with worse problems? At least you've got the money in the bank to pay the rent. At least you've got a paycheck to look forward to this Friday. Pull yourself together, for zog's sake!"
Sometimes it takes something like that to shake yourself out of a black mood. I'm still feeling pretty down but nothing compared to her, and I sincerely hope that her problems are resolved in very short order. My thoughts are with her.
It's become customary here to put a YouTube track at the end of each entry. Today's choice seems particularly appropriate, for both of us. In 1991, when this was a hit, I was living in a flat with my then girlfriend who I'd ran away from home to be with. Times were hard - it was during the last recession - I was finding it difficult to get a job and by this time the money was running out. This song got a lot of play on the radio at the time, and used to get me crying - and fired me up to keep going, whatever life threw at me.
What we all didn't know at the time, of course, was that Freddie Mercury was very seriously ill, but he was keeping his condition secret from the public. He was also conscious of the fact that he did not have long to live, and had told the band that he wanted to give them as much material as possible for as long as he could. The story goes that to the surprise of Brian May, who didn't think he'd be capable of singing this, he recorded the vocals for this track in one take (after downing a shot of vodka) and this speaks volumes about the respect I have for Freddie. A man literally at death's door determined to keep the fans entertained until the last possible moment. Surely an inspiration to us all. That is why even after 18 years this song still makes me cry - and I dedicate it to anyone reading this who is going through problems, of any sort. Be brave, face your demons and go on with the show as best you can. It's not easy, but it is the only way to go, isn't it?
QUEEN - THE SHOW MUST GO ON
(from the album "Innuendo", 1991)
2009-01-07
Sleeping It Off
This is going to be a rather easy entry to write. All I've done is sleep today, pretty much. Oh, I had plans for the day - involving friends - and I feel I may have let them down a little - but frankly, my health comes first, and I've got to get rid of whatever bug has laid me low. And spending my day off sleeping seemed like a good way of doing it. Not that I meant to - it just seemed a good idea at the time... However, it does mean my brain is a little sluggish today, so the usual apology if this entry makes even less sense than normal...
I was feeling a bit tired last night as well, just sitting on my sofa watching some great stuff courtesy of BBC Four, which I suppose would be my favourite channel (and there's a selection of hundreds from my satellite dish). It appeals to my enquiring mind, and they've done some great documentaries on some of my favourite topics - technology, rock music, modern history...you know the deal. My parents can't get BBC Four, but they will do when digital switchover happens in Scotland next year and I can see my dad watching it a lot. Just a feeling.
Anyway, I was watching a rockumentary on Pink Floyd, which I really enjoyed. Poor Syd Barrett...I really feel for what happened to him. Some may say he just wasted his natural talent, but I think he just wasn't able to cope with being thrust into the limelight like that, and sought solace in LSD which didn't exactly help matters, particularly in the quantities he allegedly took it in. Maybe he was just a shy person, and I can identify with that. He certainly wasn't happy with appearing on Top Of The Pops (to the incredulity of his bandmates, and I suppose to most people)
While watching this and polishing off some more Lemsip, I decided I was feeling well enough to have a glass of blush wine (and before my "fan club" start worrying, that was "a glass" as in the singular, ok?) which I enjoyed along with some Starburst candy (fruit juice, yeah? Can only do good...) It wasn't till I was about half way through the glass that I realized I was effectively mixing paracetamol and alcohol...although I doubt there would be any adverse effect given the quantities of each. Still, my sense of humour being what it is, I couldn't resist posting to Twitter "if I don't tweet anymore, you'll know I'm dead :)" I honestly didn't think anyone would notice, or care, but I still got a reply wondering if I was OK about lunchtime or so...not that I saw it till much later. I was too busy having weird dreams involving garden centres and getting on trains, and starring friends of mine from both my online and offline circles...
Anyway, I'm feeling like I've turned the corner. I don't ache so much, just in my head, and that's probably because I've been in bed for 17 hours... and it looks like I'm on the way back. Yay! Still taking it easy tonight though...
SANTO AND JOHNNY - SLEEPWALK
(from the album "Santo & Johnny", 1959)
I was feeling a bit tired last night as well, just sitting on my sofa watching some great stuff courtesy of BBC Four, which I suppose would be my favourite channel (and there's a selection of hundreds from my satellite dish). It appeals to my enquiring mind, and they've done some great documentaries on some of my favourite topics - technology, rock music, modern history...you know the deal. My parents can't get BBC Four, but they will do when digital switchover happens in Scotland next year and I can see my dad watching it a lot. Just a feeling.
Anyway, I was watching a rockumentary on Pink Floyd, which I really enjoyed. Poor Syd Barrett...I really feel for what happened to him. Some may say he just wasted his natural talent, but I think he just wasn't able to cope with being thrust into the limelight like that, and sought solace in LSD which didn't exactly help matters, particularly in the quantities he allegedly took it in. Maybe he was just a shy person, and I can identify with that. He certainly wasn't happy with appearing on Top Of The Pops (to the incredulity of his bandmates, and I suppose to most people)
While watching this and polishing off some more Lemsip, I decided I was feeling well enough to have a glass of blush wine (and before my "fan club" start worrying, that was "a glass" as in the singular, ok?) which I enjoyed along with some Starburst candy (fruit juice, yeah? Can only do good...) It wasn't till I was about half way through the glass that I realized I was effectively mixing paracetamol and alcohol...although I doubt there would be any adverse effect given the quantities of each. Still, my sense of humour being what it is, I couldn't resist posting to Twitter "if I don't tweet anymore, you'll know I'm dead :)" I honestly didn't think anyone would notice, or care, but I still got a reply wondering if I was OK about lunchtime or so...not that I saw it till much later. I was too busy having weird dreams involving garden centres and getting on trains, and starring friends of mine from both my online and offline circles...
Anyway, I'm feeling like I've turned the corner. I don't ache so much, just in my head, and that's probably because I've been in bed for 17 hours... and it looks like I'm on the way back. Yay! Still taking it easy tonight though...
SANTO AND JOHNNY - SLEEPWALK
(from the album "Santo & Johnny", 1959)
2009-01-06
Slip Sliding Away...
Coming down with the decorations....that's a phrase I've used often over the years to sum up how I tend to feel during January and February. I'm hoping this year will be different, as I'm trying to keep busy with my blog - and Eurovision - and keeping in touch with my online friends (all things I've not had in winter before now) as well as not forgetting the offline friends I've had all these years. But I'm not exactly feeling too happy at the moment - and that's probably due to the bugs once again demonstrating that they always win in the end.
I still ache in my limbs, although it doesn't seem as bad as it was yesterday, and I'm still going through tissues like there was no tomorrow...but it's not getting any worse, whatever it is, and I have a chance to rest up now as I won't be back at work until Thursday. My main worry now is whether or not this will run me down enough to allow the cold sore virus sleeping inside me to wake up again, which really would be the ultimate :( but then, there's a little voice inside me which says "if it's gonna happen, bring it on! Sooner it's here, sooner it's gone!" Hopefully the virus isn't listening, though...
The papers (and in my case, the websites of said papers) are all full of the unseasonably cold weather that Britain's getting right now. Although really, I should say England - up here in Scotland we're not exactly having a heatwave but we're not being affected as bad as our friendly rivals across Hadrian's Wall. Admittedly it did hit -10 Celsius out in the shire one night, but here in the city we've kept it at freezing or just below. The problem we had today was rain falling on cold sidewalks and immediately freezing, so it was another day of slippery driveways and watching where I put my feet at work today - not what I needed.
We're issued with a uniform, including footwear, which we're expected to wear of course! In times past, we had the option of getting Dr.Marten's boots, and these were absolutely fantastic - they were built like a tank and had a good grip on them, so unless you were walking over sheet ice you'd be OK. Of course, DMs are a little more expensive - although you do get what you pay for - and so a few years ago we stopped getting the choice of them. Now we get much cheaper (and in my mind, less suitable) shoes to wear. These don't last nearly as long - a friend of mine went through 3 pairs in 8 weeks because the soles were just coming away - and they seem to have much less grip. I feel a lot less safe with these on.
The irony is, I have boots at home which are much better suited to icy conditions, and I'd be much less likely to have an accident in them. But if I ever did, the first thing they would say is "why weren't you wearing standard issue shoes?" and it would become my fault! It's almost as if they'd prefer me to have the accident in their shoes rather than use my own and lessen the chances of having one.
Typical of my bloody employers. Mind you, there was an interesting exchange in the team meeting this morning. Despite continually flagging this up with management, people are still parking their cars where they shouldn't be, and someone's car has been hit by a delivery van because of it. When this was brought up, one of the lads said "if that ever happens to my car, never mind just claiming the insurance - I will be doing this business for negligence, because you have been told repeatedly about this and you're doing nothing about it" and the look of horror and fear on my manager's face was an absolute picture, I have to say :) looks like the parking problems will be solved in rather short order...
Sleepy again - I've been advised to rest up and take plenty of fluids, and I'm gonna. I will beat this - and I will have a happier winter this year, hopefully...
PAUL SIMON - SLIP SLIDIN' AWAY
(from the album "Greatest Hits, Etc.", 1977)
I still ache in my limbs, although it doesn't seem as bad as it was yesterday, and I'm still going through tissues like there was no tomorrow...but it's not getting any worse, whatever it is, and I have a chance to rest up now as I won't be back at work until Thursday. My main worry now is whether or not this will run me down enough to allow the cold sore virus sleeping inside me to wake up again, which really would be the ultimate :( but then, there's a little voice inside me which says "if it's gonna happen, bring it on! Sooner it's here, sooner it's gone!" Hopefully the virus isn't listening, though...
The papers (and in my case, the websites of said papers) are all full of the unseasonably cold weather that Britain's getting right now. Although really, I should say England - up here in Scotland we're not exactly having a heatwave but we're not being affected as bad as our friendly rivals across Hadrian's Wall. Admittedly it did hit -10 Celsius out in the shire one night, but here in the city we've kept it at freezing or just below. The problem we had today was rain falling on cold sidewalks and immediately freezing, so it was another day of slippery driveways and watching where I put my feet at work today - not what I needed.
We're issued with a uniform, including footwear, which we're expected to wear of course! In times past, we had the option of getting Dr.Marten's boots, and these were absolutely fantastic - they were built like a tank and had a good grip on them, so unless you were walking over sheet ice you'd be OK. Of course, DMs are a little more expensive - although you do get what you pay for - and so a few years ago we stopped getting the choice of them. Now we get much cheaper (and in my mind, less suitable) shoes to wear. These don't last nearly as long - a friend of mine went through 3 pairs in 8 weeks because the soles were just coming away - and they seem to have much less grip. I feel a lot less safe with these on.
The irony is, I have boots at home which are much better suited to icy conditions, and I'd be much less likely to have an accident in them. But if I ever did, the first thing they would say is "why weren't you wearing standard issue shoes?" and it would become my fault! It's almost as if they'd prefer me to have the accident in their shoes rather than use my own and lessen the chances of having one.
Typical of my bloody employers. Mind you, there was an interesting exchange in the team meeting this morning. Despite continually flagging this up with management, people are still parking their cars where they shouldn't be, and someone's car has been hit by a delivery van because of it. When this was brought up, one of the lads said "if that ever happens to my car, never mind just claiming the insurance - I will be doing this business for negligence, because you have been told repeatedly about this and you're doing nothing about it" and the look of horror and fear on my manager's face was an absolute picture, I have to say :) looks like the parking problems will be solved in rather short order...
Sleepy again - I've been advised to rest up and take plenty of fluids, and I'm gonna. I will beat this - and I will have a happier winter this year, hopefully...
PAUL SIMON - SLIP SLIDIN' AWAY
(from the album "Greatest Hits, Etc.", 1977)
2009-01-05
I've Made My Bed, Now I'll Lie In It
It is just as well I spent most of Sunday dozing...as it was another late late night for me! Groupie came round with her Full House article for me to scan for the archives, not to mention email to various people...but the night went on till 01.30 in the event, and after walking her home through quiet frosty streets - and then getting back, it was well after 02.00, three hours or so before my alarm call. I do insist on doing this to myself, don't I?
Today's entry is going to talk about my preferences in bed. First, though, I'll pause for a moment to allow you all to get your minds out of the gutter.... I mean, seriously, would I? This is a family blog! Not sure which family (the Addams Family spring to mind) but still....
Calmer now? Good. I was walking around Debenhams a little while ago, looking to see what was on offer in their sale, and found myself in the bedding section. There, I saw this beautiful duvet cover on display. It was black, with golden chains running across it...and I'll pause for a moment again, this time to get my mind out of the gutter....where were we? Oh yeah, black with gold chains, by the designer Julien MacDonald. It felt really nice to the touch as well, and came with matching pillowcases. I've already got a black valance sheet for the bottom, and I thought "hmmm, that would look nice on my bed". Unfortunately, the only size I could find on sale were king size duvet covers - too large!! It's not surprising it was popular, it was designer gear on sale at half price - and I said to myself, "oh well, I've missed my chance here. And I wouldn't pay the full price for it...never mind."
A few days later though, I got a text from Groupie on my iPhone. "Hiya", it read. "You remember that duvet & pillowcases you were talking about? Well, I'm in Debenhams now. There's only one double size set left in the shop, and I've got it in my hands. Are you buying??" Wow!! I was going to get it after all!! "Of course" I replied "Hit the checkout. I'm writing the cheque now! :)" And so, as well as her article, she brought around my nice, new, designer duvet set. Think of it as a little present to myself for the start of 2009...as well as the trip to London...I'm good to myself, aren't I?
As my mum always says, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it - and it looks like I'll be doing a lot of that over the next few days. I'm not feeling well again...this morning at work I felt like I hurt in every limb, and the back of my eyes felt like burning magnesium whenever I tried to move them. This caused a few concerned messages from various quarters to arrive when I mentioned this...and I hope it clears away soon. I did manage to haul myself around and complete work today, and then went home to crash in my bed. Thankfully Monday and Tuesday are traditionally light days in my line of work, and I'm off Wednesday this week, so I'm lucky in that respect - if lucky is the right word. I hope 2009 isn't the year when it's my turn to be sick all the time. I don't remember being consulted about that. I demand to see my legal representative, dammit!
ERASURE - CHAINS OF LOVE
(from the album "The Innocents", 1988)
Today's entry is going to talk about my preferences in bed. First, though, I'll pause for a moment to allow you all to get your minds out of the gutter.... I mean, seriously, would I? This is a family blog! Not sure which family (the Addams Family spring to mind) but still....
Calmer now? Good. I was walking around Debenhams a little while ago, looking to see what was on offer in their sale, and found myself in the bedding section. There, I saw this beautiful duvet cover on display. It was black, with golden chains running across it...and I'll pause for a moment again, this time to get my mind out of the gutter....where were we? Oh yeah, black with gold chains, by the designer Julien MacDonald. It felt really nice to the touch as well, and came with matching pillowcases. I've already got a black valance sheet for the bottom, and I thought "hmmm, that would look nice on my bed". Unfortunately, the only size I could find on sale were king size duvet covers - too large!! It's not surprising it was popular, it was designer gear on sale at half price - and I said to myself, "oh well, I've missed my chance here. And I wouldn't pay the full price for it...never mind."
A few days later though, I got a text from Groupie on my iPhone. "Hiya", it read. "You remember that duvet & pillowcases you were talking about? Well, I'm in Debenhams now. There's only one double size set left in the shop, and I've got it in my hands. Are you buying??" Wow!! I was going to get it after all!! "Of course" I replied "Hit the checkout. I'm writing the cheque now! :)" And so, as well as her article, she brought around my nice, new, designer duvet set. Think of it as a little present to myself for the start of 2009...as well as the trip to London...I'm good to myself, aren't I?
As my mum always says, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it - and it looks like I'll be doing a lot of that over the next few days. I'm not feeling well again...this morning at work I felt like I hurt in every limb, and the back of my eyes felt like burning magnesium whenever I tried to move them. This caused a few concerned messages from various quarters to arrive when I mentioned this...and I hope it clears away soon. I did manage to haul myself around and complete work today, and then went home to crash in my bed. Thankfully Monday and Tuesday are traditionally light days in my line of work, and I'm off Wednesday this week, so I'm lucky in that respect - if lucky is the right word. I hope 2009 isn't the year when it's my turn to be sick all the time. I don't remember being consulted about that. I demand to see my legal representative, dammit!
ERASURE - CHAINS OF LOVE
(from the album "The Innocents", 1988)
2009-01-04
It's Better To Burn Out Than Fade Away
The alien amongst you is a fragile little lifeform at the moment. I've been dozing on and off for the last twenty four hours after having a rather nasty Saturday night, when I found myself feeling faint for no particular reason. This came on about 18.00 or so, as I sat on the sofa preparing for the first instalment of the Eurovision national finals on BBC1, and it just built up through the evening, to the point where I was genuinely scared I was going to pass out.
"I'll just stay on the sofa, and I'll be fine" I said to myself, keeping my mind off things by chatting to my editor on Skype about the six hopefuls who were unveiled that night, and what we thought of their chances... but I had to get up to refill my Pepsi glass, and then my bed seemed so inviting...so I lay down on that. Big mistake. I knew I wasn't going to get up any time soon...
I started feeling so cold, and it felt like my brain was sinking down into my body. I could almost feel the blood flowing through it...and then I got cramp in both legs, which really made me feel great. I could feel my heart pounding, and felt quite stressful - and I don't like that at all, as I don't get stressed very often. Not a nice feeling. This may sound weird, but I started imagining a model of DNA rotating round and round, and started slowly counting backwards in my head from 1,000 - which calmed me down a bit. Think I got into the seven hundreds before dozing off.
So, what was wrong with me? I have not the faintest idea (no pun intended) A friend of mine thought it could be nerves from writing the articles - which may be true, but would be rather silly. With the greatest of respect to the folks at the Daily Dust, I'm not exactly writing copy for BBC Radio 4 here - it shouldn't be that big a deal, so I don't think it was that. And I doubt it was anything to do with the amount of wine I've been imbibing over the last few days. I jokingly posted to Twitter that maybe it was a regeneration coming on...or perhaps it's the shock that the actor who will play the new Doctor Who is nine years younger than me. Ouch!!
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, and wrote the text for the article in question while quietly sitting on the sofa with some more Pepsi. It seemed a big ask to write about six acts that you only were introduced to a few hours ago, but I think I managed it OK. Thank Zog for the new Doctor Who announcement - I was told "we should leave that story on the top for a while - the Eurovision article can wait a bit" so the fact I wasn't feeling too good didn't matter...I had a chance to get my body and mind together.
Sunday is classically the day of rest, and I've been doing plenty of that!! I'm just chilling out at the moment having spent the day alternating between dozing and texting. GroupieGirl's asked if she can come round this evening - and maybe that's what I need to get back on track..... :)
VISAGE - FADE TO GREY
(from the album "Visage", 1980)
"I'll just stay on the sofa, and I'll be fine" I said to myself, keeping my mind off things by chatting to my editor on Skype about the six hopefuls who were unveiled that night, and what we thought of their chances... but I had to get up to refill my Pepsi glass, and then my bed seemed so inviting...so I lay down on that. Big mistake. I knew I wasn't going to get up any time soon...
I started feeling so cold, and it felt like my brain was sinking down into my body. I could almost feel the blood flowing through it...and then I got cramp in both legs, which really made me feel great. I could feel my heart pounding, and felt quite stressful - and I don't like that at all, as I don't get stressed very often. Not a nice feeling. This may sound weird, but I started imagining a model of DNA rotating round and round, and started slowly counting backwards in my head from 1,000 - which calmed me down a bit. Think I got into the seven hundreds before dozing off.
So, what was wrong with me? I have not the faintest idea (no pun intended) A friend of mine thought it could be nerves from writing the articles - which may be true, but would be rather silly. With the greatest of respect to the folks at the Daily Dust, I'm not exactly writing copy for BBC Radio 4 here - it shouldn't be that big a deal, so I don't think it was that. And I doubt it was anything to do with the amount of wine I've been imbibing over the last few days. I jokingly posted to Twitter that maybe it was a regeneration coming on...or perhaps it's the shock that the actor who will play the new Doctor Who is nine years younger than me. Ouch!!
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, and wrote the text for the article in question while quietly sitting on the sofa with some more Pepsi. It seemed a big ask to write about six acts that you only were introduced to a few hours ago, but I think I managed it OK. Thank Zog for the new Doctor Who announcement - I was told "we should leave that story on the top for a while - the Eurovision article can wait a bit" so the fact I wasn't feeling too good didn't matter...I had a chance to get my body and mind together.
Sunday is classically the day of rest, and I've been doing plenty of that!! I'm just chilling out at the moment having spent the day alternating between dozing and texting. GroupieGirl's asked if she can come round this evening - and maybe that's what I need to get back on track..... :)
VISAGE - FADE TO GREY
(from the album "Visage", 1980)
2009-01-03
In Vino Veritas
Or, for those who can't speak Latin,
In wine, there is the truth...
I have a confession to make. I've got through two bottles of red wine in 2009 already - and that was at late evening on the 2nd!! (or technically, early hours of the 3rd) Now, there's obviously no way I can keep this pace up, nor would I want to - and I'm only justifying it because it's the New Year holiday and frankly there's beggar-all else to do around here during the first couple of days of the year...
I have been productive, though, so I deserved a little fun... for one thing, I finished my second article on the Eurovision selection process, and once again I found that while the text is not really a problem, it's all the extra bits that go with it where the hard work lies - but Ewan did say to me "it's a steep learning curve, thanks for staying with it" and well - he's right!! But I do want to stay with it...I find I'm enjoying it... and the real test will be the next one, which I should be writing tonight, after the first show is transmitted - it's going to be interesting to see who made the final selection, and I've been told that they're going to show clips of the auditions, so I may appear on the TV briefly after all :)
After getting the article fit for publication and my customary siesta, I awoke around 19.45 or so and lay in my bed a while thinking "I wouldn't mind going out tonight. I mean, I can't tomorrow due to Eurovision - will have to get that article done, amongst other things...so what about tonight?? Maybe club 80s, yeah? Nah - got work tomorrow...a 06.00 start - don't be stupid. Plus you've got some ironing to do....no, be sensible."
Well...I did do said ironing with a backdrop of the TV news and then some great music, and when I'd done that - well, the red wine came out again. I didn't mean to finish the bottle - honest...but I just got carried away again!! It didn't help when I decided that I needed to get the latest edition of my 25 From TwentyFive playlist done. I've now updated it to show the best selling tracks in the UK from January 1984 - and I enjoyed compiling this one a lot, seeing as I actually had some of these on vinyl, as I got Now 2 for my birthday in 1984 (my eleventh, which is a little worrying come to think of it) and it went well with the wine as well. Do go and have a listen - it's a good'un this month with everyone from Frankie Goes To Hollywood to Fiction Factory represented (as well as today's track)
At one point I posted to Twitter "I love my friends...I love red wine...I love the music of the 1980s...and so far, I love twenty:09 :)" - and this wasn't the drink talking, I meant it! I was getting texts and emails from people again, and listening to my playlist - having a great time. Then I found myself going further back in time while watching a rockumentary on the Who - one of my favourite bands - which I'd had on my Sky+ disc for ages but finally got round to watching...which took me till well after 02.00 - so not much sleep at all in the event. Naughty Zaphod...
But I have to say I'm enjoying the year so far - was walking around at work with a smile on my face, despite the cold temperatures, the very late night and the after effects of the alcohol - and despite the webchat I had with an online friend late on where I was maybe a little bit too honest about certain things...a little embarrassing, but hey, nothing to worry about (I'm done with worrying, chilled out is the word for 2009). It seems the Romans were right after all - "in vino veritas!!"
CHINA CRISIS - WISHFUL THINKING
(from the album "Working With Fire And Steel", 1983)
In wine, there is the truth...
I have a confession to make. I've got through two bottles of red wine in 2009 already - and that was at late evening on the 2nd!! (or technically, early hours of the 3rd) Now, there's obviously no way I can keep this pace up, nor would I want to - and I'm only justifying it because it's the New Year holiday and frankly there's beggar-all else to do around here during the first couple of days of the year...
I have been productive, though, so I deserved a little fun... for one thing, I finished my second article on the Eurovision selection process, and once again I found that while the text is not really a problem, it's all the extra bits that go with it where the hard work lies - but Ewan did say to me "it's a steep learning curve, thanks for staying with it" and well - he's right!! But I do want to stay with it...I find I'm enjoying it... and the real test will be the next one, which I should be writing tonight, after the first show is transmitted - it's going to be interesting to see who made the final selection, and I've been told that they're going to show clips of the auditions, so I may appear on the TV briefly after all :)
After getting the article fit for publication and my customary siesta, I awoke around 19.45 or so and lay in my bed a while thinking "I wouldn't mind going out tonight. I mean, I can't tomorrow due to Eurovision - will have to get that article done, amongst other things...so what about tonight?? Maybe club 80s, yeah? Nah - got work tomorrow...a 06.00 start - don't be stupid. Plus you've got some ironing to do....no, be sensible."
Well...I did do said ironing with a backdrop of the TV news and then some great music, and when I'd done that - well, the red wine came out again. I didn't mean to finish the bottle - honest...but I just got carried away again!! It didn't help when I decided that I needed to get the latest edition of my 25 From TwentyFive playlist done. I've now updated it to show the best selling tracks in the UK from January 1984 - and I enjoyed compiling this one a lot, seeing as I actually had some of these on vinyl, as I got Now 2 for my birthday in 1984 (my eleventh, which is a little worrying come to think of it) and it went well with the wine as well. Do go and have a listen - it's a good'un this month with everyone from Frankie Goes To Hollywood to Fiction Factory represented (as well as today's track)
At one point I posted to Twitter "I love my friends...I love red wine...I love the music of the 1980s...and so far, I love twenty:09 :)" - and this wasn't the drink talking, I meant it! I was getting texts and emails from people again, and listening to my playlist - having a great time. Then I found myself going further back in time while watching a rockumentary on the Who - one of my favourite bands - which I'd had on my Sky+ disc for ages but finally got round to watching...which took me till well after 02.00 - so not much sleep at all in the event. Naughty Zaphod...
But I have to say I'm enjoying the year so far - was walking around at work with a smile on my face, despite the cold temperatures, the very late night and the after effects of the alcohol - and despite the webchat I had with an online friend late on where I was maybe a little bit too honest about certain things...a little embarrassing, but hey, nothing to worry about (I'm done with worrying, chilled out is the word for 2009). It seems the Romans were right after all - "in vino veritas!!"
CHINA CRISIS - WISHFUL THINKING
(from the album "Working With Fire And Steel", 1983)
2009-01-02
Confined To Barracks
Today is the second day of the New Year holiday, and to be honest I didn't feel like going outside at all - the temperature never really got above freezing, the public transport and shopping malls are still on a restricted service, and there was no shortage of things I needed to do within the confines of my little house - so I stayed in all day. I find I tend to close in on myself during January and February - maybe it's the cold and lack of daylight. I'm OK as far as internet chatting etc goes - at least I seem to be - but in the physical world...mmm, not so good. I don't know why. Anyway, I've got my lightbox out of storage and had a good hour in front of that. Perhaps that will help.
I did the socializing thing last night, anyway - I went around to GroupieGirl's house to wish her (and her dad) a happy new year. It's pretty rare I go round there - she usually comes to mine if we're meeting up like that - but I thought I'd do the old first-footing, it being New Year - and while I'm not exactly tall, dark and handsome, I get by I think... The original plan was to let her see the DVD of Scooter in concert that she'd gave me for Christmas, but I took the wrong disc in my haste to get ready (I'd dozed off, and it was about 20.00 when I awoke, so time was against me). So, we just sat around eating the cherry cake I'd brought and watching BBC Three. It was an enjoyable evening, if a little emotionally draining when she got on her soapbox about her employment situation - but in general I had a nice night. If the other three hundred sixty four are of similar quality, I certainly won't complain.
I saw her Full House article, which was all right (nice to see the pictures I took of her in print) and talked about the articles I would be writing for the Daily Dust website over the next few weeks. Her dad said it sounded like a lot of work, but I pointed out that had circumstances been different I would be in London and no doubt doing a lot of work on the BBC show itself - so it's not really any different, is it?
It was another night of going to bed about the time I normally wake up - with some late night pizza and some TV viewing, including seeing what must be the worst boob job of all time - I mean, are they supposed to look rock solid like that? Aren't they supposed to move with you? And how much did she spend to look like a shop dummy? I've mentioned before about my preferences when it comes to the fairer sex, so long time readers will know I'd rather have the real over the surgically enhanced (and I should point out I was just flicking through the channels when I came across this unfortunate girl - no, honestly, m'lud!)
So today I just chilled out on the black leather sofa reading emails, paying off the credit cards (which I forgot to do last month, so they got an unwanted Christmas present of a bit of interest on my balance - pif!) and of course writing my second Eurovision article. With the show starting tomorrow, I'll have some more of those to type out - and I promised I'd help Groupie with some stuff over the weekend also - so it's going to be a rather full diary over the next few days, but that's much better than sitting around moping that there's nothing to do, isn't it?
BON JOVI - IT'S MY LIFE
(from the album "Crush", 2000)
I did the socializing thing last night, anyway - I went around to GroupieGirl's house to wish her (and her dad) a happy new year. It's pretty rare I go round there - she usually comes to mine if we're meeting up like that - but I thought I'd do the old first-footing, it being New Year - and while I'm not exactly tall, dark and handsome, I get by I think... The original plan was to let her see the DVD of Scooter in concert that she'd gave me for Christmas, but I took the wrong disc in my haste to get ready (I'd dozed off, and it was about 20.00 when I awoke, so time was against me). So, we just sat around eating the cherry cake I'd brought and watching BBC Three. It was an enjoyable evening, if a little emotionally draining when she got on her soapbox about her employment situation - but in general I had a nice night. If the other three hundred sixty four are of similar quality, I certainly won't complain.
I saw her Full House article, which was all right (nice to see the pictures I took of her in print) and talked about the articles I would be writing for the Daily Dust website over the next few weeks. Her dad said it sounded like a lot of work, but I pointed out that had circumstances been different I would be in London and no doubt doing a lot of work on the BBC show itself - so it's not really any different, is it?
It was another night of going to bed about the time I normally wake up - with some late night pizza and some TV viewing, including seeing what must be the worst boob job of all time - I mean, are they supposed to look rock solid like that? Aren't they supposed to move with you? And how much did she spend to look like a shop dummy? I've mentioned before about my preferences when it comes to the fairer sex, so long time readers will know I'd rather have the real over the surgically enhanced (and I should point out I was just flicking through the channels when I came across this unfortunate girl - no, honestly, m'lud!)
So today I just chilled out on the black leather sofa reading emails, paying off the credit cards (which I forgot to do last month, so they got an unwanted Christmas present of a bit of interest on my balance - pif!) and of course writing my second Eurovision article. With the show starting tomorrow, I'll have some more of those to type out - and I promised I'd help Groupie with some stuff over the weekend also - so it's going to be a rather full diary over the next few days, but that's much better than sitting around moping that there's nothing to do, isn't it?
BON JOVI - IT'S MY LIFE
(from the album "Crush", 2000)
2009-01-01
Happy New Year!
All right!! So the new year is officially upon us...hope it's a wonderful one for you all!
Before we embark on the new year though, we should clear up a little something from the end of the old one - Groupie sent me a text as I was coming home from work telling me the latest edition of "Full House" magazine was out - and her article and pictures were in it!! She was totally happy about it as you can imagine - and I'm happy for her. I haven't seen the article yet but she's bought the magazine for the second time in her life (the first time was when the first article came out in the summer - it is definitely NOT her sort of magazine) and I'm looking forward to seeing it. As I said to her late last night "what a great end to a great year!" and with the new Right Said Fred album with her doll on the cover already selling in CD stores in the USA and available to buy on iTunes here, the story will go on in 2009 for her...
With darkness falling and temperatures dropping, I decided I wouldn't bother going out for the festivities - I mean, I have the whole year to enjoy, it's not just about one moment in time at the beginning of it!! And when I heard a bunch of guys seemingly having a fight and kicking in bus shelters outside my house around 21.00, I thought "I've made the right decision...." Besides, the local minimart was having a special on bottles of wine - so I bought three of them from all over Europe :) which will keep me going for three nights at least...
They say that the way you start the New Year is the way you'll be spending the rest of the year - and I hope that's true, because I felt really happy last night. Phone calls and texts from friends and family were coming in, I was enjoying some fine Spanish red wine, and when midnight struck I was watching BBC1 London courtesy of my satellite dish - and the fireworks over the London Eye. I watched the display, and thought of the happy times I've spent in the city, and particularly the South Bank area where the Eye is located...beautiful.
My original plan was to see in several midnights courtesy of the satellite signals, and I hit the ground running in Moscow at 21.00 western Europe time. Next stop was Madrid two hours later, and then of course my timezone's new year at 24.00. I did hope to make it all the way to 05.00 and watch the ball descend in Times Square, New York, but in hindsight maybe that was a bit ambitious - I was getting sleepy, not to mention a little giggly, and I had to admit defeat around 02.00 or so. Never mind, I tried.
And today? Well, there's nothing like a breakfast containing chocolate truffle coffee and lashings of hazelnut chocolate spread...and then I plan to do a little tidying up around here. I really need to clear out the clutter in my house - and my life - and January 1 is as good a day as any to start... perhaps with music like this to keep me motivated, from the CD I got from Christmas...
SCOOTER - JUMPING ALL OVER THE WORLD
(from the album "Jumping All Over The World", 2008)
Before we embark on the new year though, we should clear up a little something from the end of the old one - Groupie sent me a text as I was coming home from work telling me the latest edition of "Full House" magazine was out - and her article and pictures were in it!! She was totally happy about it as you can imagine - and I'm happy for her. I haven't seen the article yet but she's bought the magazine for the second time in her life (the first time was when the first article came out in the summer - it is definitely NOT her sort of magazine) and I'm looking forward to seeing it. As I said to her late last night "what a great end to a great year!" and with the new Right Said Fred album with her doll on the cover already selling in CD stores in the USA and available to buy on iTunes here, the story will go on in 2009 for her...
With darkness falling and temperatures dropping, I decided I wouldn't bother going out for the festivities - I mean, I have the whole year to enjoy, it's not just about one moment in time at the beginning of it!! And when I heard a bunch of guys seemingly having a fight and kicking in bus shelters outside my house around 21.00, I thought "I've made the right decision...." Besides, the local minimart was having a special on bottles of wine - so I bought three of them from all over Europe :) which will keep me going for three nights at least...
They say that the way you start the New Year is the way you'll be spending the rest of the year - and I hope that's true, because I felt really happy last night. Phone calls and texts from friends and family were coming in, I was enjoying some fine Spanish red wine, and when midnight struck I was watching BBC1 London courtesy of my satellite dish - and the fireworks over the London Eye. I watched the display, and thought of the happy times I've spent in the city, and particularly the South Bank area where the Eye is located...beautiful.
My original plan was to see in several midnights courtesy of the satellite signals, and I hit the ground running in Moscow at 21.00 western Europe time. Next stop was Madrid two hours later, and then of course my timezone's new year at 24.00. I did hope to make it all the way to 05.00 and watch the ball descend in Times Square, New York, but in hindsight maybe that was a bit ambitious - I was getting sleepy, not to mention a little giggly, and I had to admit defeat around 02.00 or so. Never mind, I tried.
And today? Well, there's nothing like a breakfast containing chocolate truffle coffee and lashings of hazelnut chocolate spread...and then I plan to do a little tidying up around here. I really need to clear out the clutter in my house - and my life - and January 1 is as good a day as any to start... perhaps with music like this to keep me motivated, from the CD I got from Christmas...
SCOOTER - JUMPING ALL OVER THE WORLD
(from the album "Jumping All Over The World", 2008)
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