Fade To Blue

As an advertising campaign from about two decades ago used to say, today was not a Dry Blackthorn day. Far from it in fact. And I apologize in advance if this entry makes no sense...my mind is all over the place.

I've been feeling really tired all week, and I'm really not having a happy time of it. Last night I was just lying there, not being able to get to sleep...and wondering whether or not I'd make it into work this morning, I felt physically and mentally exhausted. I did make it in but I was clearly not in my best state. I didn't feel like talking to anyone...so I didn't. I can sense that the cold sore virus is just waiting for it's chance to come back and take me off the kissing list for a fortnight again - and on the way home this afternoon I felt a tingling in my right hand, like I'd been sleeping on it.

I just feel like I'm run down, without even knowing why. At least I'm not bleeding from my nose anymore, that we can be thankful for. And I'm mentally tired as well - I just can't seem to concentrate on things right now, I find myself just wanting to sit there, or lie there, and stare into space. And I can't seek solace in the arms of Groupie, not this time - for reasons which I'm too tired to go into here.

There's some things - some very important things - which I have to think about. I spent a lot of time last night turning them over in my mind. I'm coming to realize how certain things are, and how they must be. And right now, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to face up to these things. It's easier at the moment to just hide away in my bedroom and not think about them. That's why I sent the following update to Twitter this morning: "Feeling really fragile today. I'd like to hide in a cupboard and be forgotten about, like an old doll nobody wants to play with anymore"

At one point this morning I was out in the light rain listening to the Manic Street Preachers, and when I heard this track I immediately thought "this is the track I want for the blog post today" It just seems so appropriate right now...which is just as well, perhaps, as clearly I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words right now. Nicky Wire says it so much better anyway.

MANIC STREET PREACHERS - YOU'RE TENDER AND YOU'RE TIRED
(from the album "This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours", 1998)