Happy Families?

Back home after my little trip to my parents' - which was good in parts, and bad in parts, rather like my relationship with them :) It was good to see them though and they looked after me well while I was there, so I can't really complain about that. They'd got me a little cactus plant for my house as well.

The evening went really well - we had fish and chips and then sat watching a documentary on monkeys which was a great laugh. Then we went down to my sister's place (my other one - not the one down South...obviously) She's had her kitchen re-done and it looks beautiful - everything's hidden behind wooden doors and they've got a flatscreen TV on the wall, so me and my brother-in-law spent some time watching the Champions League football and drinking coffee. I told them all about my groupie friend and her album cover deal and all were very impressed. And everyone loved my iPhone! Then we went back home and my Dad told me some stories about his 1960s drinking buddies and the really disgusting wine you could get in their local for about 7p a glass back then - lethal stuff!! We also discovered a picture of Mum and Dad from about that time while we were going through some old documents - a black and white polaroid which must be about 40 years old by now...there's a mirror behind them, which they still own!

Late that night I was lying in bed in the dark listening to some tracks from the 1980s - and it was almost like I'd travelled back in time to being 16 again, only without the hassle of have I done that Physics homework right, or how do I get Freya to fancy me too, or worrying about those darn spots... much better this time round! It was a trip back in time in more ways than one, as there was only 4 channels on the TV and no internet access - not even on my iPhone! And silly as it may seem, I missed YouTube, and my Twitter friends!

I slept beautifully though, which was really welcome after some of the nights I'd had. Unfortunately when I woke up this morning things began to unravel a bit. Mum asked me what I wanted for breakfast and I of course said "black coffee"...cue massive lecture on how coffee is the root of all evil, and I'd had three cups last night, and an argument about what I should be having. Honestly, you'd think I had asked for neat vodka with a side order of cocaine and a call-girl to slip into bed with me!! We then started moving on to other things about my lifestyle...as we do....and it did take the shine off the trip a little. I really didn't need this stuff first thing in the morning, and Dad was out at the shops so I had to face the onslaught alone.

Mum had also told me things last night on the condition that I don't tell anyone else. Things about other members of the family, and their marital problems - or money worries...and told me not to let on I know about them - even to the family members concerned! I started thinking, what does she tell others about me behind my back? Because she's always been quite a nosey and gossipy person - Dad tells me he used to call Mum "Keyhole Kate" when they were dating in the 60s, and I can see why! And it's not like she hasn't got form for this sort of thing...

Back when I was about 18, my mum read my diary and some of the letters my then girlfriend had written to me. We'd just recently started sleeping together, and were both hormone-crazed teenagers, so you can imagine the sort of stuff we'd written. She went completely off my girlfriend after that and started slipping in all sorts of snide remarks whenever she came up in conversation or came round. She's never admitted to this but she couldn't have got the information any other way than snooping through my stuff. It's not as though they were left lying around - my diary and letters were kept in my drawer, well hidden, so you wouldn't know I had them unless you were going through my things. My girlfriend was an art school chick - and had a decent camera and developed her own pictures - so you can imagine what we did one rainy afternoon at her place :) Again, they were obviously kept well hidden, mixed in with my record albums along with er, certain publications (c'mon, I was a healthy teenage boy! forgive me! And they were all in the best possible taste I can assure you...) but she found those as well. I very much doubt she was popping into my bedroom to listen to the Happy Mondays on my stereo of an afternoon...so snooping again, eh?

And this wasn't a one-off, she was doing it on a regular basis. Three years before that the folks and me went on holiday to Butlins and I had the archetypal teenage holiday romance with a girl there. We kept writing to each other for a few months afterwards, and our sense of humour got us into trouble with Mum again. One of the letters I received was referencing something we were joking about when we were together, and started "Congratulations - you are about to become a father.....relax, don't have a heart attack, I'm only joking. I'm not pregnant so you won't have to leave the country after all. See, I told you I was always right!" Mum must have found that letter too..... but the thing is it wasn't what she thought! We never did anything......well, we never did THAT anyway!! I suppose that serves Mum right for looking through my stuff - she got entirely the wrong end of the stick!!

I've never forgiven Mum for that. Perhaps that's why I'm quite a secretive and private person at times in real life - maybe it's due to these events. Maybe that was a factor in me running away from home later that year. Or maybe not - it's all in the past now anyway...

MORRISSEY - SUEDEHEAD
(from the album "Viva Hate", 1988)